Why do guys like to compare you to his friend's girlfriends?

[confused25]

Ok, I must vent because this has been driving me crazy.

 

We hang out with my bf's friend and his girlfriend XXX all the time, and my bf thinks XXX is a great girl and considers her as one of his close female friends.

 

My problem is, every time we get into an argument about something, my bf says "well why can't you be more like XXX? She was fine with is, why can't you be?" Or, "how come XXX would go to this thing and why wouldn't you?"

 

Why do guys do this? don't they realize that this is hurtful? I don't compare him to any of the other guys I know.

 

Sometimes I do feel jealous because he is completely different when he talks to her vs. with me. I'm not usually insecure in a relationaship but I am starting to feel that he has developed a little crush on XXX or something.

 

One time XXX got into a fight with her bf and later on my bf and I got into an argument about something and he did the comparison again. So I responded, "if XXX was so great why don't you go date her instead?" To which he responds, "XXX might be single now after that fight with her bf". What the HECK does that mean? I'm just really agitated right now.

 

I plan on talking to him about this and letting him know that I don't like it when he compares me to her. Does this make me look like a insecure jealous bf?

[Jd1983]

I don't think that it makes you look like an insecure gf.

 

If my bf did this, I would be highly upset as well. Why is he comparing you to his friend's gf? You are your own person. If he can't accept you as you are, then the hell with him.

 

Why not ask him how he would feel if you constantly compared him to a guy friend? I'm sure he won't like it either. Let him know that you are tired of him constantly comparing you, and if it doesn't change then he should find someone else more suitable for him.

[Cognitive_Canine]

He's way out of line with bringing her into your relationship. You need to tell him that this comparison thing needs to stop. It's unhealthy and unfair.

[unknownme]

Yes, I Agree that he must think she's amazing so keeps bringing her up, You need to put your foot down and Tell Him Exactly how you feel and put a stop to his daily comparison. It's not fair to you...Tell him that you dont appreciate it and dont wanna hear about this topic again..

[Sanesoul]

This is really disrespectful. I wouldn't tolerate it.

[melrich]

I agree, I wouldn't tolerate that. Guys don't do this, your boyfriend does.

[absinthe]

Make sure you have that talk. He's treating you with a lack of respect, which is unacceptable behaviour.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

This is not a guy thing...it is simply a tactless thing your boyfriend is doing. It is very possible he is interested in this friend as more than just a friend. How is the rest of your relationship...do you get the sense that he cares about you or that he is ambivalent towards you. Do not play second fiddle if his heart is elsewhere. It doesn't matter if he is with you...if his heart is really with this friend then there is really no point being with this guy. I am also wondering how he was brought up..did he have siblings...did his parents often compare them to each other "why can't you be more like your brother" kind of thing. It is possible he learned this control/manipulation tactic from his parents.

You should not tolerate this behaviour...you are your own person and if he doesn't appreciate you then you don't need him around.

[FathomFear]

Agree that this is not a "guy" thing. Some people are just insensitive and don't realize the kind of impact these statements can have.

 

Out of curiosity, can you give some examples of the things that XXX is "okay" with but you aren't?