Cheating Spouse software

[redswim30]

I understand the need for proof of suspicions but I think ultimately it's a waste of time. So you prove they cheated, now what? I guess if you're looking for legal proof for a divorce that's one thing, but finding it out doesn't fix the problems in any way.

 

If you are suspicious, dig deeper. What else is wrong with the relationship? If you find out it's true, what will you do? If you find out it's not true, will you just keep going on the way things are or will you try to figure out what's really wrong?

 

^^^ Couldn't agree more. If you feel the need to spy, things clearly aren't good- So why do you want this relationship ?

 

If you find something, again- WHY do you want this relationship?

 

Not to mention, what if they find out about the keylogger ? And let's be honest it's NOT hard, even if they claim to be untraceable- If they were hiding nothing, YOU will get dumped ! If they were hiding something, THEY now have court evidence against YOU if you get a divorce.

[Unreasonable]

^^^ Couldn't agree more. If you feel the need to spy, things clearly aren't good- So why do you want this relationship ?

 

If you find something, again- WHY do you want this relationship?

 

Not to mention, what if they find out about the keylogger ? And let's be honest it's NOT hard, even if they claim to be untraceable- If they were hiding nothing, YOU will get dumped ! If they were hiding something, THEY now have court evidence against YOU if you get a divorce.

Things can be "not good" without being a grounds for divorce. Lies can happen and not be a grounds for divorce.

 

And I believe it is not wise to resort to such methods unless obvious lies are happening. So, yes, it's * * * -for-tat, but many people are willing to go to the risk of getting caught "snooping" if they know for a fact their spouse is lying. "Why did I dare snoop on you? Because you dared to lie to me."

 

And in this case, the SO is definitely lying. He just doesn't know about what.

[capilot]

In my case, it was my girlfriend who installed her own spyware.

 

There's this app for smartphones called "Google Latitude". It lets your friends know where you are. For some reason, she activated it on her phone, either accidentally or subconsciously.

 

So she tells me she's driving down to visit an old friend in L.A. while I'm away on a business trip myself. The next thing I know, I'm sitting in a boring presentation and I get a message from Google Latitude telling me she's at the airport. Why the airport? I figure maybe she decided to fly rather than drive. Or maybe she changed her route to one that takes her past the airport. Whatever.

 

Two days later, I get another report that she's in Minneapolis. What the ...? The GPS in those phones can be off sometimes, but not by that much.

 

We text a little. She tells me what a great time she's having in L.A. She says the friend she drove down with wants to stay a little longer, so she doesn't know exactly when she's coming back.

 

A few days later, more reports from Google Latitude telling me she's back at the airport.

 

I couldn't get the nagging feelings out of my head, but I finally decided I trusted her more than I trusted the software on her phone.

 

Two months later, she goes on a business trip to NYC. Over Valentine's day. Google Latitude tells me she's in Minneapolis again. Now I'm freaking out. How could Google Latitude make the same mistake twice?

 

Then she asks me to pick her up at the airport after her trip. She's on a connecting flight from Minneapolis. That's when I knew the software was telling the truth and she was lying. To say things were tense when I picked her up would be an understatement.

 

Naturally, she disabled the software immediately after I confronted her.

 

Sorry for venting like this. I wanted to tell my story, and this seemed like as good a place as any.

 

Anyway, to my point:

 

Yes, in a sense, I did use technology to spy on my girlfriend, but that was through her actions, not mine.

 

Someone I know suggested I hire a private detective to follow her the next time she goes to Minneapolis, but I rejected that option outright.

 

I thought about coming up with some other way to spy on her, like re-enabling the software on her phone when she leaves it unattended, or even installing other software. I decided not to go that route.

 

But here's where I'm going with this: Not installing spyware on my girlfriend's phone or computer is about my integrity, not her privacy. Once she started lying to me and sneaking off to see another man, she lost any rights to my trust that she might have had.

 

If you're innocent, you have every right to be outraged that someone who supposedly loves you doesn't trust you. But if you are cheating, then you've lost the moral high ground.

 

But it is about my own integrity. In a nutshell, I don't want to become the kind of person who would install spyware, tracking devices, or other such weasily stuff on someone else's computer. I'm not like that and I don't want to become that.

[Unreasonable]

Wow, Capilot, that's quite a story you have there. If it wasn't a bit sad I'd say the irony is delicious.

 

If I may ask, what was her explanation for that??

[Brownstone322]

But here's where I'm going with this: Not installing spyware on my girlfriend's phone or computer is about my integrity, not her privacy. Once she started lying to me and sneaking off to see another man, she lost any rights to my trust that she might have had.

 

If you're innocent, you have every right to be outraged that someone who supposedly loves you doesn't trust you. But if you are cheating, then you've lost the moral high ground.

 

But it is about my own integrity. In a nutshell, I don't want to become the kind of person who would install spyware, tracking devices, or other such weasily stuff on someone else's computer. I'm not like that and I don't want to become that.

Well said, man. I don't necessarily think it'll persuade everyone (some people just love to snoop, justified or not, and I don't trust them any more than I trust a confirmed cheater), but that was a strong statement nonetheless.

 

In your case, though, the information just fell into your lap. That happened to me once in college. My girlfriend's apartment was damaged by burst water pipes, and she told me that, in the meantime, she'd be staying at the place of a friend (who I knew). I called that friend's apartment a couple days later to ask the girlfriend some simple question and got the friend's roommate, who (guess what?) had no idea what I was talking about! (The unscrupulous "friend" was likely in on the deceit, but the roommate wasn't: "We haven't had any overnight guests lately.") Events proved that it meant exactly what we all think that meant.

 

Anyway, what did she say about Minneapolis? Did she have any connection to Minneapolis, legitimate or otherwise?

[Unreasonable]

Anyway, what did she say about Minneapolis? Did she have any connection to Minneapolis, legitimate or otherwise?

Yeah I know, right? You don't just tell a story like that and leave people hanging, lol.

[redswim30]

Things can be "not good" without being a grounds for divorce. Lies can happen and not be a grounds for divorce.

 

And I believe it is not wise to resort to such methods unless obvious lies are happening. So, yes, it's * * * -for-tat, but many people are willing to go to the risk of getting caught "snooping" if they know for a fact their spouse is lying. "Why did I dare snoop on you? Because you dared to lie to me."

 

And in this case, the SO is definitely lying. He just doesn't know about what.

 

 

I disagree. IMVHO, Any major lies from either spouse, means the marriage is over. You have no marriage without trust. Lying by spying is STILL LYING. You are still both not trusting each other. If you really feel you can't trust someone to that degree, to the point of spying, why stay with them ? If they are, as you say "obviously lying" then why spy ? Why not just leave? You should be able to trust your spouse. It comes down to if you can trust your spouse or not. You cannot possibly keep tabs on someone 24/7. At some point, blind trust has to occur. If you can't and don't trust that they are faithful to you, why stay ?

[Staple]

That google lattitude is a good idea. Should install it secretely on your SO's phone lol.

[maelstrom]

I believe there are many reasons to stay in a marriage, especially a long term one. I also think you can trust people in one way but not another. I don't think it's healthy, but I think it happens.

[Unreasonable]

I disagree. IMVHO, Any major lies from either spouse, means the marriage is over. You have no marriage without trust. Lying by spying is STILL LYING. You are still both not trusting each other. If you really feel you can't trust someone to that degree, to the point of spying, why stay with them ? If they are, as you say "obviously lying" then why spy ? Why not just leave? You should be able to trust your spouse. It comes down to if you can you trust your spouse or not. You cannot possibly keep tabs on someone 24/7. At some point, blind trust has to occur. If you can't and don't trust that they are faithful to you, why stay ?

You seem to have a very black and white view of the world. Not everyone shares that viewpoint. It's called moral relativism. Some people subscribe to it, some don't. And there is nothing wrong with that.

 

So, I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.

[redswim30]

It is simply my two cents on this particular subject. Not everyone has to agree, I was merely presenting my opinion, and presented it as such- as my opinion. I don't expect everyone to agree. That's what makes this board great.

 

We can agree to disagree.

[capilot]

Yeah I know, right? You don't just tell a story like that and leave people hanging, lol.

 

Her story is that she met the guy at a self-help workshop they'd both attended. She said he was just a friend but that she was able to talk about stuff (that had come up in the workshop) with him that she just couldn't talk about with me. She said she hadn't told me about him because she didn't want me to worry. She said she was sorry about lying to me about the trips to L.A. and NYC.

 

There's more to it, involving more lying and more sneaking off to visit the guy, but I don't want to hijack the thread, and I'm not quite ready to talk about it.

[Brownstone322]

Her story is that she met the guy at a self-help workshop they'd both attended. She said he was just a friend but that she was able to talk about stuff (that had come up in the workshop) with him that she just couldn't talk about with me. She said she hadn't told me about him because she didn't want me to worry. She said she was sorry about lying to me about the trips to L.A. and NYC.

As you know, meeting a guy and "being able to talk to him" is one thing; but flying off to a distant city to meet him (and lying about it) is quite another.

 

There's more to it, involving more lying and more sneaking off to visit the guy, but I don't want to hijack the thread, and I'm not quite ready to talk about it.

Well, now that you've hinted again, now need to know the whole story! (Actually, this one seems kinda obvious to me; they're doing a lot more than talking, and you and I both know it.)

[Unreasonable]

Oh it's okay if you don't want to talk about it anymore. It's very obvious what's going on, sorry man. I just can't believe the gall of some people to think you were born yesterday.