Why do men talk about sex on the first few dates?

[HouseKitten]

Maybe they just didn't realise you'd dislike it to this extent?

 

Sexual openness is a bit of a grey area now. Some people like yourself find it wrong to talk about it on a date. Other people have fewer qualms, others are completely open about it.

 

I've talked about sex on dates before. My boyfriend and I swapped stories about terrible sex disasters we'd had on our first date, and it didn't put either of us off. Okay, it's not for you. Fair enough, you're not compatible with these guys. But I don't think it's a huge deal and makes them immature or inconsiderate. Maybe they're just used to dating girls who are less reserved about discussing it. Each to their own.

[hexaemeron]

Exactly. A classy, considerate guy just wouldn't do that. For some reason, you are meeting losers on that website.

 

One can be classy and considerate and still have a slightly different outlook on sex in coversation, or a darker sense of humor. Nothing wrong with that. I will occasionally crack a mild joke about sex. Does that make me a loser?

[absinthe]

The magical third date...if she doesn't put out, next her! Don't know where this silly rule came from but it's all over the Internet.

 

While I strongly believe in asking about numbers of partners, these guys are finding ways to introduce sex into the conversation, in a tasteless attempt to impress or seduce you. Anyone who willingly talks about past sex-capades, will talk about what happened between the two of you, if you choose to get involved.

 

I would next these guys.

[Blue Spiral]

Some guys talk about sex to try to impress a girl.

 

Some guys talk about sex because they're feeling her out about casual sex.

 

Some guys are very casual about sex and don't think twice about discussing it in very graphic terms, as that's what they're used to.

 

I'm kind of at both ends of the spectrum: I have no problem discussing sex casually (but not graphically or referring to specific women), but I never tell anyone anything concrete about my relationships. I'm extremely secretive.

[oldenoughtoknow]

One can be classy and considerate and still have a slightly different outlook on sex in coversation, or a darker sense of humor. Nothing wrong with that. I will occasionally crack a mild joke about sex. Does that make me a loser?

 

I think cracking a mild sexual joke is perfectly appropriate on a first date. It kind of breaks the ice, so to speak. It gives you a read on how they are feeling about you and their views on sex in general. If they recoil and look disgusted, either they're a prude or very uncomfortable around you. Bad thing. If they laugh and take it in stride, they must feel some level of rapport and have an open mind regarding sex. Good thing. This isn't a loser move at all. To go on and on about your past sexual conquests, in graphic detail, on a first date, and she's obviously not into it, would definitely put you in that category.

[FloraDora]

I agree, I don't think of myself as prudish or uptight and I appreciate a funny sex joke as much as the next person.....but I really don't want to hear on our third date your struggle to have, and eventual sucess and enjoyment of (though she didn't like it so much) anal sex with your ex-girlfriend.

 

I am thinking he was telling me the story to gauge if that was a sexual practice I enjoy. I once went on ONE date with a guy who, over dessert (which was chocolate btw), suddenly, without any lead-in, blurted out "So, are you into anal?"

 

In retrospect, maybe his directness was refresing?

[oldenoughtoknow]

Chocolate! LMAO I got that one...

[RougeKali823]

Other women taught him that it was acceptable. Most behavior is learned and women have been doing a terrible job lately of teaching men how we ought to be treated. The same is true for why they expect sex with little or no commitment;another woman was content with that.

[hexaemeron]

Other women taught him that it was acceptable. Most behavior is learned and women have been doing a terrible job lately of teaching men how we ought to be treated. The same is true for why they expect sex with little or no commitment;another woman was content with that.

 

Everyone has a different set of values and thresholds for different things. It doesn't mean one thing is better or worse, but if the OP was uncomfortable, then it's good she moved on to find a gentleman who was more in sync with her values.

[RougeKali823]

Chocolate! LMAO I got that one...

 

That is really sick LOL