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Why do men talk about sex on the first few dates?


FloraDora

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So....I recently ended a relationship and have been doing the online dating thing. Over the past two weeks, I have been on several dates with 3 different men. It has been casual and fun, and though I didn't really feel an instant "spark" with any of them I was attracted enough that I was willing to go on further dates.

 

Here is the problem.....on the second or third date all three of them have told me detailed stories about past sexual exploits, either with exes, FWB, or one night stands. I don't know if I am being prudish (I am a little old-fashioned), but I found it a turn-off.

 

For one, I can be a jealous person and in a long-term relationship I generally do not want to know details of my partner's sexual past. As long as they are disease free and not a sex offender or something, it is just information that I don't need in my head. The stories each of these three guys told me are graphic enough that if it turns into a long term thing they would haunt me. One of them even talked (in a bragging way) about his "wild past' of sleeping with tons of different women. Huge turn-off and pretty much a deal-breaker for me.

 

Second of all, the area that I live in is not that large, and people tend to know one another through mutual friends and such. It is possible that I may know, or be a friend of a friend, on of the women they were talking about. I think it is ungentlemanly to kiss and tell, and I would hate to think that one of my exes was giving out details of our past sex life.

 

Why do men do this? At first I thought maybe they weren't interested, but all have called me and asked for future dates. Also, I am not having sex with any of them, and the most we have done is kissed. Is this their way of trying to get me to bed? Are they bragging about their prowess? Why?

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Sounds like you are dating a bunch of young immature guys. I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing about sex with someone I'm dating, that just feels kinda awkward. Intimacy is a personal thing and honestly I don't think the person I am seeing would be interested in my sexual past.

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Sounds like you are dating a bunch of young immature guys. I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing about sex with someone I'm dating, that just feels kinda awkward. Intimacy is a personal thing and honestly I don't think the person I am seeing would be interested in my sexual past.

 

That is what is weird, they are all in their mid to late thirties?

 

I had the feeling they were trying to "get some" too, but why would they think this was a turn-on? So strange!

 

I tend to think that if someone brags about their sexual exploits, it is generally a sign of insecurity rather than prowess. Plus, it is not like tons of experience = good in bed.

 

One of the stories was specifically about anal sex. Could this have been to gauge my reaction and see if I am into that?

 

Also, when I think about how it came up.....it didnt' naturally. One of them came up because we were near the location where it happened, another just kind of started bragging, and the third involved us talking about our past relationships, when he suddenly turned it into a conversation about past sexy times.

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bringing it up in a way like this makes them feel secure because they feel like they're not asking you directly for (casual) sex - but hinting majorly that they're open to it. It comes accross as sad/needy i'd imagine. These men are actually just immature boys.

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That is what is weird, they are all in their mid to late thirties?

 

I had the feeling they were trying to "get some" too, but why would they think this was a turn-on? So strange!

 

I tend to think that if someone brags about their sexual exploits, it is generally a sign of insecurity rather than prowess. Plus, it is not like tons of experience = good in bed.

 

One of the stories was specifically about anal sex. Could this have been to gauge my reaction and see if I am into that?

 

Also, when I think about how it came up.....it didnt' naturally. One of them came up because we were near the location where it happened, another just kind of started bragging, and the third involved us talking about our past relationships, when he suddenly turned it into a conversation about past sexy times.

 

not sure how you managed to find three of the lamest and most clueless guys in a row, but OK. I wouldn't give them a second date, or probably even finish the first. lame asses.

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I am willing to bet they do this because this strategy has worked on women in the past. There are plenty of women who are only interesed in casual dating and getting their sexual needs met so this kind of talk from these guys selects the kind of women who go for that kind of thing. Kind of like in the animal world where the male animals strut their stuff to attract a mate. These men are strutting their stuff...showing how manly, virile and sexually successful they are so that they will attract the kind of woman who will be impressed and ready to get a piece of his action. If it really was a turn-off to women these men wouldn't be talking like that. They have likely had enough success using this strategy that this has become part of their modus operandi.

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Oh CAD, you took the words right out of my mouth!

 

OP, I agree, that if it worked in the past, they feel it will work with you. I would stand my ground, and explain what my boundaries are, if you choose to continue. Also, you teach people how to treat you, and I do agree with your point of view.

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I have turned down dates with all of them since they shared their sexcapade stories. I am not looking for casual sex, especially with a guy who is going to brag about it it future dates!

 

 

I am glad to know I am not being weird though. The fact that all three of them did that made me wonder if this was some strange new dating trend.

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I have turned down dates with all of them since they shared their sexcapade stories. I am not looking for casual sex, especially with a guy who is going to brag about it it future dates!

 

 

I am glad to know I am not being weird though. The fact that all three of them did that made me wonder if this was some strange new dating trend.

 

good for you. i agree with those who said that they are looking for something casual and are 'testing the waters' with your reaction.

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You'd be surprised how many women use online dating purely to hook-up with men for one night stands. I didn't believe it either until I saw my man friend pulling a couple of different women per week.

 

Anyway, I would presume the sex chat is what they think passes for flirtatious behaviour and to divert conversation towards their primary objective - hooking up.

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I've never been the type to look for a ONS, so I couldn't comment on the best path to achieve success. My initial thought was either that they read some stupid pick up book, or were inexperienced and lame enough to offer such TMI. But CAD has a point. Maybe it's working for them - at least on occasion. Then again, maybe it isn't at all and the stories are all a pack of lies. Good idea to move on to men with more similar interests...preferably ones who use their big head to think with.

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You'd be surprised how many women use online dating purely to hook-up with men for one night stands. I didn't believe it either until I saw my man friend pulling a couple of different women per week.

 

Anyway, I would presume the sex chat is what they think passes for flirtatious behaviour and to divert conversation towards their primary objective - hooking up.

 

Well, to each their own I guess. ....

 

I just hope to meet some guys that are looking for more than frequent hook-ups, and I guess by NOT hooking-up with them until we are in a relationship I can weed out those that are just looking for a one night adventure.

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Sex is everywhere in the world nowadays. Everywhere you look, tv, radio, billboards, magazines, etc, so talking about it shouldn't be a turn off. Now, going into detail about it, especially with an ex, is pretty inconsiderate in my opinion. I'm a dude and I wouldn't do crap like that. That's pretty messed up.

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Sex is everywhere in the world nowadays. Everywhere you look, tv, radio, billboards, magazines, etc, so talking about it shouldn't be a turn off. Now, going into detail about it, especially with an ex, is pretty inconsiderate in my opinion. I'm a dude and I wouldn't do crap like that. That's pretty messed up.

 

It may be all around us but that doesn't mean someone has to start talking about sex when they are on a first date with someone. Whatever happened to "talking about the weather"!

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Sex is everywhere in the world nowadays. Everywhere you look, tv, radio, billboards, magazines, etc, so talking about it shouldn't be a turn off. Now, going into detail about it, especially with an ex, is pretty inconsiderate in my opinion. I'm a dude and I wouldn't do crap like that. That's pretty messed up.

Exactly. A classy, considerate guy just wouldn't do that. For some reason, you are meeting losers on that website.

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