how soon is too soon to start a new relationship?

[createchange]

Me and my ex have been broken up for a month and week. I had NC the whole time, but always sent something back when he texted me. (he's battling with depression and pushed me away fully.) During the whole breakup I hung out with my best guy friend more. Slowly we both realized we have feelings for one another. He makes me laugh and all my friends said that they can't recall the last time they saw me so happy. The only problem is I'm an extremely faithful person and even though I know my last relationship is over, I still feel a little pig of guilt every once in a while from being loyal to one person for over 2 years.

 

Feelings towards him arent nessacerally new, I always had a little thing for him (but pushed it out of my mind.) I gave him a little letting him know that if my ex decided to come back i WOULD NOT leave him for my ex. And more importantly I told him how I'm scared of getting hurt again. He's told me multiple times that he wont hurt me and that when he's with someone he's extremely faithful. The fear only comes around when I'm not with him. He's also a mutual friend of my ex.. Which when he finds out will make it a little more awkward for my ex (I have no contact with him what-so-ever and told him I can't be friends with him.)

 

I have a old habit of running away when I'm scared, which I've overcome in the past, but I've never been hurt this bad in a relationship in my life.

I know he's helping me through this, but I still can't help but wonder, can it ever be too soon to date someone? I'm not just dating him "just because." I really do like him tons, I guess I'm just a little afraid.

[pinkrobot]

There's no right or wrong answer. Just go with how you feel. If you feel you're over your ex and ready to move on, then that's what you should do.

 

I was with my ex-fiance for 3 1/2 years, and 2 months after we split up I was in a new relationship. I don't feel bad for it and I never did. It didn't feel wrong to me.

[nutbrownhare]

Put your ex behind you; you owe him nothing. He pushed you away - the fact that he is battling with depression is irrelevant - he pushed you away fully instead of turning to you for support. He made his choice and now you are both living with the consequences.

 

I would suggest you take things slowly with your new guy, but it sounds as though you have been open and honest about your fears, and he is accepting you for who you are right now. That's a good start!

 

Being faithful to a partner is good, and admirable. However someone who's already left you doesn't count, and is certainly not worth one second's worth of guilt!

[PennyLane09]

I'm not just dating him "just because." I really do like him tons,

 

enough said, try it...slow it down if it feels bad...sounds like things are just as they should be good luck.

[createchange]

Thanks, we both agreed that we need to take things slow. I think both of us are a little afriad of getting hurt currently but we know eachother well enough to not let our fears ruin something that could be amazing.

[TimeToGrowUp]

I was with my ex-fiance for 3 1/2 years, and 2 months after we split up I was in a new relationship. I don't feel bad for it and I never did. It didn't feel wrong to me.

 

N/M

 

I read your reply wrong ........ forget what I wrote if you saw it already.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Before you were with your ex, how long were you single? In other words, do you have a history of "falling for" a new guy each time you are fresh out of a relationship? There are lots of people who "fall for" someone new immediately after a relationship ends because they get an ego boost from someone paying attention to them and pursuing them...so what they think is "falling for" someone is really just falling for the notion of not having to be single for long and the excitement of having someone pursue them after being in a dysfunctional relationship for so long. If you were that hurt by your ex then I don't think 5 weeks is that long to process the relationship and your pain. If this is your best guy friend, then why are you all of a sudden interested in him now...if you truly had a thing for him then why did you not pursue it in the past? Did you truly always have a thing for him or are you right now trying to tell yourself that in order to justify dating him. I think you really need to be honest with yourself about your true motivation for being with him...because it sounds like this could be a classic rebound relationship.

[createchange]

Before I started dating my ex I was single for almost 2 years. I was hurt by my ex, but I've worked on myself a ton and feel right now I am currently a stronger person then I was while I was dating him. Imet my best guy friend about a year and a half ago, while dating my ex so even though I felt an attraction to him, I ignored it.

 

I have done a lot of thinking about that, because I was planning on staying single for a while, but if I just wanted a rebound, he would be the last person I would want one with. I care way too much about his feelings (hence why I'm not just jumping right in.)

I went on a couple of "dates" since the breakup with guys I could have had possible feelings for, but I didn't even want them to come near me. This just sort of happened.

 

Like I said we both agreed to take things super slow, I told him i feel like I'm at the stage were I'm no longer broken, but I still have scabs. If he asked me out right now I think I would tell him no... It's still too soon, but in the near future I know I'd say yes in a heartbeat.

[California Boy]

Age old question. Depends on how long you were together, how deep the bond is with your ex, whether you truly feel something for the new person or are just getting relief from the pain you feel from the breakup.

[SeaDunkel]

I would wait. 5 weeks is not a lot of time to heal and it wouldn't be fair to anyone to jump into something if you're not 100% ready. The fact that you had to post this question at all should be proof enough that you aren't ready.