Friend is having an affair.....

[amtjrtcet]

its been goin on now for about 5 months. When I first met her I admired her marriage to her husband. They seemed so in love, so loyal. About 4 months ago I noticed she would often make more and more negative comments about him, and one day I finally just asked...."are you guys ok?" She asked if we could have a girls night and go to dinner, and we did. This was about 2 months ago. She informed me that she's been having an affair with a co-worker and she's in love with him...that she doesn't love her husband anymore, and that she will not divorce him because of her religious beliefs about divorce.... yeah, what about the adultry?

 

Anyway, I am completely against infidelity, I don't support it in anyway, and even imagining a woman coming between me and my husband, well I can understand that TV show 'SNAPPED'.

She confides in me, I want to be there for her b/c she really seems to be hurting (even though its self inflicted hurt) and I want her to feel like she still has friends but I can't listen to this stuff. I feel like I'm contributing to her affair by just listening. How do you deal with this??

[Scorpion Fury]

I would just tell her straight up that if she decides to either divorce her husband, or stop seeing the guy and work on her marriage, that you will support her 100%. But you want nothing to do with her affair, and don't want to hear about it, and won't condone it.

 

She has made her own bed. She has chosen to do this. To be honest, I don't even wanna be friends with someone that would do this to their husband.

[CarnelianButterfly]

She's put you in a bad position. I'm with you, its not right to so no to divorce, but yes to adultery. I'd encourage her to make up her mind, get help with her marriage or end it. Don't tell the hubby or imply you will, make sure she knows you won't tell him, but that you want her to tell him. Give her your support as best you can, but be careful and don't get sucked into too much drama.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

does this friend know about what you went through in your personal life?

[Theblueman123]

I would tell the husband, it's the morally right thing to do.

[Jd1983]

I would tell her that although she is your friend, you do not accept her behavior. Therefore you don't have anything to say about it. As far as meeting with you for dinner, you are up for it - under one condition, she doesn't talk about the affair. Otherwise you don't feel comfortable.

[Mizz J]

I would tell the husband, it's the morally right thing to do.

 

It's not the OP's place to tell the husband. It's her friend's.

Otherwise I agree you should support her to end the affair..and work on her marriage, or endher marriage..but don't condone the affair. You're being a good friend by asking for advice on this.

[amtjrtcet]

does this friend know about what you went through in your personal life?

 

Yes! That's what kills me, that after everything I've been through and how much I hurt, and she saw me hurting b/c someone I loved was doing exactly what she's doing....and yet she still spills her scandal on me.

 

You guys are right....I'm just going to have to be blunt with her. She's just so emotional right now...

[Dinka]

I would just tell her straight up that if she decides to either divorce her husband, or stop seeing the guy and work on her marriage, that you will support her 100%. But you want nothing to do with her affair, and don't want to hear about it, and won't condone it.

 

She has made her own bed. She has chosen to do this. To be honest, I don't even wanna be friends with someone that would do this to their husband.

 

Scorpion Fury has it right.

 

You can tell your friend how you honestly feel, and still be there for her. Let her know that you are there for her and that you understand she's hurting...but you can also let her know that her actions will have consequences that you can't help her with.

[Wolf_22]

Don't tell the husband because it's not her place!? Are you friggin' kidding me!? Not only would I tell the husband, I'd make it a public sermon at the woman's stupid church! And by all means: preserve that friendship that's built around quality and civility. I'm sure she's a winner... Oh, and by the way, this isn't just about meddling into affairs (no pun intended)--it's also about maintaining physical health as God only knows whether or not her little love sessions come packed with plenty of condoms that I'm sure she's conscientious about using (in the name of her husband, who's probably wondering why she works so late).

 

The world is what we make of it. If you keep turning your cheek, the trash will overflow.

[amtjrtcet]

I'm definitely not telling her husband. I don't know him well at all. I've only met him one time.

 

I'm not turning my cheek, I don't feel comfortable telling her husband....I don't know him.

[Scorpion Fury]

I'm definitely not telling her husband. I don't know him well at all. I've only met him one time.

 

I'm not turning my cheek, I don't feel comfortable telling her husband....I don't know him.

 

Yeah, it's just gonna end your friendship. I could see if he was a good friend of yours too, but he's not.

[Rezist]

She's basically using you right now for moral support for doing something immoral. That's kinda funny isn't it? Just state flat out that you can still be friends but under the condition that she never brings it up because it makes you feel uncomfortable/bad.