Wonderment Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Is that a bad idea? Thing is.. he's going to feel like it's "what I've always done" because he claims I told him of too many disappointments that I had in him. Which is true. But I mean... what the hecks someone to do like .. when you have a baby with someone and they still havent told their parents 2 years later? am I wrong in telling him I wish he would and Im disappointed? Or.. like if you havent had sex in 4 weeks no matter what you've tried.. is THAT wrong to initiate a discussion over? I think not. Now that he ended everything.. and we're suppose to be "friends" and he's still doing crappy stuff. and I want to tell him he's a jerk and has treated me like crap the entire time Ive known him. Link to comment
Dejected Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Depending on what you want to come out of it, you could leave a positive image of yourself for him to miss by sending a "be well" type of message, or you could have him feeling glad he got rid of you based on what you say. You could do both with the right wording by pointing out the reasons it didn't work out and wishing him the best in finding someone he would be a better fit for, maybe adding that a friendship will not work since he is not treating you with respect. Link to comment
DN Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 I think those sort of messages always make the sender look worse than the recipient. Link to comment
Wonderment Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 I agree.. it would say something about me but.. I dont know, ... Im mad. Im not even sure what Im mad about Actually, yes I do. Im "homesick" for who I thought he was/ who I let him trick me into thinking he was/ who I let MYSELF trick me into thinking he was. In hindsight: (I excused all this because he talks a good game) In 3 years: we had a baby.. he told me 'good' reasons why he cant tell anyone. he left, offered me no help financially or otherwise for the first 10 months came back-- that lasted 4 months or so and he suddenly disappeared and moved in with someone he met on the internet. She dumped him- he came crawling back.. while she was dumping him he actually tried to get me in bed.. even though I was seeing someone I eventually took him back. He's talked to/ texted/ emailed women all along He's seeing an old ex 'coincidentally' 3 weeks after our breakup. added her to FB the day after we broke up. No one still knows about the baby. He doesnt care about him unless its to woo a woman with a cute baby.. He's been pretty crappy all along and I just wanna let him know. Link to comment
Wonderment Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Point being, I guess, that this is the 3rd time he's dumped me off and doesnt care at all.. he can just up and be done... and I think thats pretty lame. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Well since you do have a son together, the outcome does still matter. He'll always be the father. Write here instead!! It's more than reasonable to feel mad right now. He has treated you very poorly, and it is a mess. And maybe a part of you, now that you see the sort he is, is a bit anger at yourself too for allowing him back several times? If you have resolved to heal, I don't think it will do much other than fan flames for more drama to tell him off. I'm not saying it doesn't suck, just that things will look different after you get some time to process. Wait it out a bit. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 Why not hire a lawyer for child support, and let her/him do your talking for you? In your corner. Link to comment
Wonderment Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Why not hire a lawyer for child support, and let her/him do your talking for you? In your corner. Im not sure what to do about this at this point. Originally..when the baby was born he had a really decent job.. but he knew it was ending. The company was being sold and his job was being eliminated. He knew he couldnt get as high of a paying job again, this one was a stroke of luck.. (he had it for 10 years, generally it would require a degree, but he doesnt have one.. he knows he wont luck out again) So, after we got back together we looked up a child support calculator online.. his child support would be around 1000. Except.. now he's jobless. Since CS will look back and see what you've made in the past and what earning potential you have... his cs would be set high. He talked me into $300 a month under the table. So that I dont get an actual CS order and have it dealt with thru the courts. So.. changing that NOW would be one of those revenge type looking things. Which is what this post is mainly about... do I DO that now? Do I tell him he's been a cheating deceiving person? or do I let it all just BE. I would not ever be with him again... so really it doesnt matter. I just wanna tell him how he really is. I dont care if he agrees, dont care if it hurts him or not.. I just want to have my say, for ME. He's always told me things like, "Hey, at least I havent ran away" (which he has lol) like that in and of itself is a really great thing he was doing. He constantly finds reason to say "Im a really nice guy" too. NOW in hindsight it all kinda makes me feel sick. Link to comment
catfeeder Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 A lawyer doesn't automatically equal the courts. If he's been a flake about child support, a legal agreement documents his obligation to his child. This can serve as a deterrent to stiffing the baby. When he's not working, his obligations don't go away--and that's the point. It's about keeping records that protect your child, and while it's a bridge toward the court process should you ever need to reach for that, you remain in control over whether you actually take it there. It's best to have a lawyer advise you of whether or when that's necessary, NOT the baby's father. I realize it's difficult to disentangle the emotional from the practical, and that's why it's important to keep yourself legally advised and protected from manipulation. In your corner. Link to comment
hopelessincan Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 I agree with getting a lawyer for better support payments. This guy is a piece of work!!! I cant believe the things he's doing. If you're done for sure, I would have no problems saying whatever is on your mind, and then tell him you will be hearing from your lawyer. It also kinda sucks that your kid wont have the luxury of meeting the grandparents.... Link to comment
Wonderment Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 Im just not sure what to do because.. I know that he's a 'people user' and he has several times in the past used people's kids as a way to get to them. Like.. just recently when we were together he told me he "has always in the back of his mind been worried about [exes] kids.. and he feels like he should contact her and see the kids" (they're not his kids)...... of course, he hadnt talked to those kids in 2 years LMAO but now that he wanted to rekindle a flame with HER.. he was worried about her kids and wanted to use THEM to get back in touch with her. He was doing that because he felt it dying out with us. He wanted to get someone else hangin on a string again. When he was dumped by a different ex last year... she had 2 teenage boys, he "was so worried about just walking outta their life.. he felt like he should keep contact and do things with them" even though he had only known that woman for 3 months. and those kids have a father that they see. He DID email one of the boys and went bike riding with him... that emailing lasted until he seen he had no chance in h3ll with his mom. it suddenly stopped. When he dumped me last year, for the woman I just spoke of above... she has grand children and likes kids.. so he called me up and wanted to see OUR child suddenly.. and take him over to HER house.. he told me "Maybe she'll be a catalyst and I'll become the father you've wanted me to be" I didnt allow it. He aint going to use my son to get to a woman. Right now? Now that he's dumped me? He doesnt give a crap about my 2 girls (6 and 9 years old) who have loved him to pieces. He asked if he could bring over a Xmas gift for the baby and not the girls. I feel like thats REALLY insensitive .. especially since my girls LOVE him and just spent the last year with him in their life every other day... AND he claims we're "friends" AND he claims to care about all his exes kids so much. If he did, he'd have never asked to walk in on Xmas eve with a gift for the baby and not two little girls. Friends dont do that. But ya know, he has no need to butter me up right now and to ACT like he likes my other kids because he has a new target.... soooo.. Yeah.. I feel like the time may come ONE day when he wants my son to meet his parents and stuff... but only because he wants to USE the baby to create a family feeling with another woman. Call me selfish... but he couldnt do it for 2 years with me and he isnt going to do it at that time with another woman.. and it isnt because Im jealous, its because I know he had ample opportunity and he'll be doing it to USE the baby. Link to comment
kodak Posted January 2, 2010 Share Posted January 2, 2010 WOW! It's so great you see his pattern so clearly, good for you! How old is this guy? Link to comment
Wonderment Posted January 2, 2010 Author Share Posted January 2, 2010 He's 40 years old. Link to comment
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