holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I have been dating this guy for 4 months now. Things were going really well at first. He has been really busy with work the last couple of months traveling two or three hours away. Coming back the same day most times. He has been saying a lot lately that he is really exhausted so I haven't been seeing him as much as I did. He lives about 45 minutes away so not that far. Also, on Facebook he won't change his status to "in a relationship". I changed mine before but he didn't change his, so I changed mine back to single. I have quite a few pictures of us together posted on FB and he never comments on any of them nor does he tag himself in the pictures. Am I making too big of a deal about this or not? I think 4 months is long enough to acknowledge to your friends etc. that you are in a relationship. He has not told me he loves me yet. I just don't know if I am being insecure or he just really isn't into me. If I try to talk to him about it he says he can't deal with it right now, he is under too much pressure at work. Do I just wait it out or start to back off. Over Thanksgiving weekend I met his family so that means something right? Yet still no "I love you" from him. Link to comment
notsogood Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Have you guys had the "talk" yet? Relationship defining talk? Does he call you his gf in public? Maybe give it till after the holiday season then talk to him about it where he sees things going. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Have you guys had the "talk" yet? Relationship defining talk? Does he call you his gf in public? Maybe give it till after the holiday season then talk to him about it where he sees things going. He does call me his girlfriend. I guess the whole facebook thing has me confused. Why not acknowledge me? Is he trying to keep his options open? Link to comment
notsogood Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Does he use facebook a lot? Also how old are you both? Some guys don't really use facebook a lot so maybe he didn't really notice it and that's also why he doesn't comment on the pictures? It sounds like more so than anything you want to spend more time with him? I mean he does acknowledge you as his gf AND he introduced you to his family. That's a big step and proves he likes you. More so than anything you can just have the talk with him and see where he thinks it's going? Link to comment
jessica911 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 do you believe that he is busy? if you believe he is then he is. give him soometimes, and if he doesnt change at all then let go. dont fall too deep for him. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Does he use facebook a lot? Also how old are you both? Some guys don't really use facebook a lot so maybe he didn't really notice it and that's also why he doesn't comment on the pictures? It sounds like more so than anything you want to spend more time with him? I mean he does acknowledge you as his gf AND he introduced you to his family. That's a big step and proves he likes you. More so than anything you can just have the talk with him and see where he thinks it's going? The only thing is that I heard through the grapevine that he is telling people, specifically someone that he cared very much for at one time, that things aren't serious between us. I don't know if that is just him playing it down or what. He is very attentive to me when we are together. Calls me every night to say goodnight. However, actions do speak louder than words. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 do you believe that he is busy? if you believe he is then he is. give him soometimes, and if he doesnt change at all then let go. dont fall too deep for him. I believed he was busy at first but if you care about someone don't you want to see them no matter how tired or stressed you are? Link to comment
notsogood Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Ya how often do you see each other? For me personally when i'm seeing someone (and the girl i'm seeing now) is a stress RELIEF from the work I do and if I have a hard day. I want to see her because It makes me feel more relaxed. If you are in a committed relationship or at least with someone you care for you would think this would be the case yes? If you heard that and he is talking to this other girl you might want to bring it up. Ordinarily not but since you have been dating for 4 months I would. Just casually, not like demanding lol. I take it you don't want to waste time in a relationship that is leading no where? Link to comment
mca1975 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I hate to say it, but I really think that he is just not that into you. If someone really loves you, they cant wait to let everyone know you are together in any way they can and they would miss you so much that they would travel to see you even if they are tired. Sorry. I have found the love of my life and he would never be like this. I got sick of making excuses for guys who did this over the years...... x Link to comment
mca1975 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I believed he was busy at first but if you care about someone don't you want to see them no matter how tired or stressed you are? Yes you do, totally. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 The only thing is that I heard through the grapevine that he is telling people, specifically someone that he cared very much for at one time, that things aren't serious between us. I don't know if that is just him playing it down or what. He is very attentive to me when we are together. Calls me every night to say goodnight. However, actions do speak louder than words. yeah, sorry but he's not that into you. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Ya how often do you see each other? For me personally when i'm seeing someone (and the girl i'm seeing now) is a stress RELIEF from the work I do and if I have a hard day. I want to see her because It makes me feel more relaxed. If you are in a committed relationship or at least with someone you care for you would think this would be the case yes? If you heard that and he is talking to this other girl you might want to bring it up. Ordinarily not but since you have been dating for 4 months I would. Just casually, not like demanding lol. I take it you don't want to waste time in a relationship that is leading no where? No, I really don't want to waste time. It just seems like he is saying one thing but doing another. I guess if I have to wonder about it then it's not right... Link to comment
DN Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Facebook is a nonsense. Do you offer to drive the 45 minutes to go see him? Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Facebook is a nonsense. Do you offer to drive the 45 minutes to go see him? Yes, he says he is tired and we will see each other another day. Link to comment
notsogood Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Yes, he says he is tired and we will see each other another day. this is a red flag. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 this is a red flag. He has been single for a couple of years. Says he has grown accustomed to his alone time. That he wants to take things slowly. I think at the beginning I didn't really understand it so I might have come off as being insecure. We have been seeing each other for 4 months now so I would say it is time to know where I stand so I can move on if need be. Link to comment
notsogood Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I agree you need to see where you stand and if he wants to take it seriously or not. Link to comment
redleaves Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 I hear you on your concerns about your boyfriend. He's definitely set the tone on how he's going to be with you. Of course, it's not a good sign that he's actually told someone you two are not serious! Nor is it a good sign that he's keeping you at a distance like he is. So he may be genuinely tired, but what about you driving to his place sometimes? Looks like that hasn't manifested to keep the relationship going between you two. I would definitely back off from him since he actually point blank told you that he can't deal with you right now. (In essence that's what he meant when he said he can't deal with talks about you two.) This guy should be chasing you giving you no doubts that he cares. I don't necessarily think meeting his parents points to a relationship getting serious. - I've known people all over the board with that one. My sister for example introduces every guy she dates to us (it gets exhausting because they aren't serious yet she wants us to invest in him). Anyway, I think your intuition is correct that something isn't right by your own standards, and that's what counts. It is what it is. - He's not really into you. Chalk it up to what it is and move on because this imbalance is just going to deplete you and you deserve something to work out nicer than this is. Oh, P.S. regarding his nightly phone calls, wouldn't you rather get a nightly good night phone call from someone a little more engaged in the relationship!? Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 I know he met this girl online a couple of years ago that lives out of state. They have never met but they talk ALL the time. Seems he turns to her for advice etc, I think he has a thing for her. So for all I know when he tells me goodnight he calls her right after and says the same thing. Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Even if you two were pretty serious, looking for an "I love you" this soon is premature. Real love takes a long time to grow - 4 months isn't nearly long enough and if someone does say this after just 4 months it doesn't necessarily mean its true. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Even if you two were pretty serious, looking for an "I love you" this soon is premature. Real love takes a long time to grow - 4 months isn't nearly long enough and if someone does say this after just 4 months it doesn't necessarily mean its true. I just want to know where I stand with him that's all. I am not dating anyone else but him so I guess I will try and talk to him after Christmas to see where he thinks things are going. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Even if you two were pretty serious, looking for an "I love you" this soon is premature. Real love takes a long time to grow - 4 months isn't nearly long enough and if someone does say this after just 4 months it doesn't necessarily mean its true. I don't necessarily agree with this. One can "love" someone, or be "in love" with them before 4 months. I know I can. Link to comment
Kaiser_Soze Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 The fact that he introduced you to his family is huge. It does conflict with his other actions. Has he become more distant after thanksgiving? It sounds like he is keeping you at arms length. Don't try and pull an "I love you" from him. If it doesn't come naturally, it's not ginuine. When I was in a situation like this before it was because I wasn't ready to commit. I enjoyed her company but wasn't ready to be exclusive. In short I didn't want to be with or without her, if that makes sense. This may not be your situation. Just confirm that you two are indeed on the same page. Link to comment
bebeblondie Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Sorry if you mentioned this already, but when was the last time you saw him and how often have you been seeing each other lately? As for someone telling you they heard him say you two are not serious, unless it is trusted source who told you this I wouldn't put much weight on it because you don't know if he really said that, or it might've been taken out of context. I usually try to avoid paying any attention to stuff like this because it tends to turn into a game of telephone. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Sorry if you mentioned this already, but when was the last time you saw him and how often have you been seeing each other lately? As for someone telling you they heard him say you two are not serious, unless it is trusted source who told you this I wouldn't put much weight on it because you don't know if he really said that, or it might've been taken out of context. I usually try to avoid paying any attention to stuff like this because it tends to turn into a game of telephone. Unfortunately I do know for a fact that he said we aren't that serious. I just know that this other girl he talks to has something to do with it. They fight like they are boyfriend and girlfriend it seems like. When he isn't talking to her he is much nicer to me but when she comes back in the picture he becomes more distant. Link to comment
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