holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 I don't necessarily agree with this. One can "love" someone, or be "in love" with them before 4 months. I know I can. I think if it is right it doesn't take long to say you are in love. The first few months are supposed to be the honeymoon phase. I think my honeymoon is over and I need to move on. He isn't the one for me I guess. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Unfortunately I do know for a fact that he said we aren't that serious. I just know that this other girl he talks to has something to do with it. They fight like they are boyfriend and girlfriend it seems like. When he isn't talking to her he is much nicer to me but when she comes back in the picture he becomes more distant. yeah well if this is someone he used to have thing with, he needs to make her kick rocks out of respect for you and your new relationship. exes you can't let go of have no place in a new relationship. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 yeah well if this is someone he used to have thing with, he needs to make her kick rocks out of respect for you and your new relationship. exes you can't let go of have no place in a new relationship. He says she is just a friend and he isn't going to stop talking to her. If I push the issue he will just talk to her and not tell me. I don't wanna be the bad person and say I don't want him talking to someone he has known a lot longer than me. At the same time though you have to have boundaries. I also know that on Thanksgiving weekend, for a fact, when I was sleeping in the next room at his parents house, he text messaged this other girl and said he missed her all day. He has never met this other girl in person...they have only talked. Link to comment
kodak Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 He says she is just a friend and he isn't going to stop talking to her. If I push the issue he will just talk to her and not tell me. I don't wanna be the bad person and say I don't want him talking to someone he has known a lot longer than me. At the same time though you have to have boundaries. I also know that on Thanksgiving weekend, for a fact, when I was sleeping in the next room at his parents house, he text messaged this other girl and said he missed her all day. He has never met this other girl in person...they have only talked. Ouch, that is really hurtful, to be texting her like that, saying those things. It does sound like he's kind of using you because he's not really "with" this other woman that he has strong feelings for. I may have missed it, but why hasn't he met her yet -- just because of distance? And no, personally, I don't tell people who're my "FRIENDS" how much I miss them, particularly those I've never met. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 He says she is just a friend and he isn't going to stop talking to her. If I push the issue he will just talk to her and not tell me. I don't wanna be the bad person and say I don't want him talking to someone he has known a lot longer than me. At the same time though you have to have boundaries. I also know that on Thanksgiving weekend, for a fact, when I was sleeping in the next room at his parents house, he text messaged this other girl and said he missed her all day. He has never met this other girl in person...they have only talked. what??? she's an online friend???? forget that. he missed her all day and has never even seen her? and then he tells you she's just a friend? get the **** outta here with that BS, is what I'd tell him. Link to comment
Kaiser_Soze Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 You already have your answer. He said it's not serious. Don't invest your feelings into someone who is unwilling to reciprocate them. Continue dating him if you want, but at the very least you need to come to terms with the fact that it is going nowhere. Have fun but keep your options open. There is someone out there that is willing to give you their undivided attention and you will probably miss them if your complete attention is on someone who is emotionally unavailable. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Ouch, that is really hurtful, to be texting her like that, saying those things. It does sound like he's kind of using you because he's not really "with" this other woman that he has strong feelings for. I may have missed it, but why hasn't he met her yet -- just because of distance? And no, personally, I don't tell people who're my "FRIENDS" how much I miss them, particularly those I've never met. Because of the distance. I think she has his heart though, I don't think he will be able to have another relationship until he meets this other girl and sees what is there. They have known each other a pretty long time. So you don't think I am being insecure about it? It's nice to have my feelings validated. I feel like he is probably calling her as soon as he leaves me everytime. Link to comment
kodak Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Because of the distance. I think she has his heart though, I don't think he will be able to have another relationship until he meets this other girl and sees what is there. They have known each other a pretty long time. So you don't think I am being insecure about it? It's nice to have my feelings validated. I feel like he is probably calling her as soon as he leaves me everytime. No, I don't think you're being insecure at all. I think you're seeing the evidence that his heart is elsewhere, and coming to terms with the reality that your heart is with him. I also think what you wrote above could be a perfect thing to tell him (if you choose) ---- that you believe he has feelings for this girl and that he needs to go meet her and figure out what's what ----and that you'll be moving on in the meantime. You deserve all of someone's attention. It really isn't asking for too much! Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 No, I don't think you're being insecure at all. I think you're seeing the evidence that his heart is elsewhere, and coming to terms with the reality that your heart is with him. I also think what you wrote above could be a perfect thing to tell him (if you choose) ---- that you believe he has feelings for this girl and that he needs to go meet her and figure out what's what ----and that you'll be moving on in the meantime. You deserve all of someone's attention. It really isn't asking for too much! Thanks for being so sweet! I want to be a priority to someone not an afterthought! Link to comment
kodak Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Thanks for being so sweet! I want to be a priority to someone not an afterthought! Absolutely! Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Absolutely! Why do things have to be so complicated Link to comment
kodak Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Why do things have to be so complicated Yup, I know. I think of it this way, at lease it's what I've learned in life, that when we're humbled by being into someone that isn't quite so into us, it really, really makes us appreciate and take care of the relationship where both of us are truly into each other. It takes a little heartbreak along the way to realize the true significance of being loved and loving someone back, I think. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 23, 2009 Author Share Posted December 23, 2009 Yup, I know. I think of it this way, at lease it's what I've learned in life, that when we're humbled by being into someone that isn't quite so into us, it really, really makes us appreciate and take care of the relationship where both of us are truly into each other. It takes a little heartbreak along the way to realize the true significance of being loved and loving someone back, I think. You are so right about that! I just wish it wasn't Christmas time. I would rather know than be ignorant of the situation though. Link to comment
notsogood Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Why do things have to be so complicated Welcome to the guys shoes! Usually it's us asking that question. Link to comment
redleaves Posted December 23, 2009 Share Posted December 23, 2009 Yup, I know. I think of it this way, at lease it's what I've learned in life, that when we're humbled by being into someone that isn't quite so into us, it really, really makes us appreciate and take care of the relationship where both of us are truly into each other. It takes a little heartbreak along the way to realize the true significance of being loved and loving someone back, I think. Not trying to highjack but I had to jump in and tell you that what you wrote really touched me. That is so so true. Best wishes to the OP. Link to comment
BriarRose Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Sorry, but 4 months is more than enough time. This combined with all his excuses tells me it is probably time to see other people. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 24, 2009 Author Share Posted December 24, 2009 Sorry, but 4 months is more than enough time. This combined with all his excuses tells me it is probably time to see other people. I completely agree with you. When someone really cares about you,you never have to wonder what is going on. Link to comment
lavenderdove Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 >>specifically someone that he cared very much for at one time, that things aren't serious between us. That alone would stop me in my tracks. It's also not good that he seems to be telling someone else more about your relationship than he is telling you! Sadly, there are many people who don't like to be alone, so they will engage in a 'good enough for now' type relationship, where they go thru the motions, but know it is not their top priority nor do they intend to take it much farther than casual dating. I have no patience for someone who will do this because they are too lazy to go out and find a relationship they are willing to commit to, and are willling to use another person to tide them over until they find someone 'better' (in their minds). You do deserve someone who is EXCITED to be with you and isn't interested in other people. So if i were you, i'd just tell him you feel like he is sleepwalking in this relationsihp and not committed to it, so you won't be either! Link to comment
kodak Posted December 24, 2009 Share Posted December 24, 2009 Not trying to highjack but I had to jump in and tell you that what you wrote really touched me. That is so so true. Best wishes to the OP. Thanks redleaves, it's what I've learned. Glad it touched you. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 28, 2009 Author Share Posted December 28, 2009 Saw him over the weekend for exchanging of Christmas gifts etc. Since I drove to his parents house, about 4 hours from my parents, when it came time to head back home yesterday I followed him, about a 4 hour drive as well. He was talking to someone on the phone I could see. I just know it was that other girl. It's like as soon as he is away from me he talks to her. I wanted to try and talk to him about things but not sure if that is really pointless. Link to comment
orchidrose Posted December 28, 2009 Share Posted December 28, 2009 I think at this point it's probably pointless. He's made it very clear, both in words and actions, that he's not invested in this relationship with you. And even if he were, he's having a borderline emotional affair with this other girl. If you want to talk to him about it, go for it, but my bet would be that he'll get defensive and you'll gain no new information. I'd tell him that it's just not working and cut ties. Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 I'm on the verge of ending things. I don't really want to but feel as though I don't really have a choice. Does anyone else get into kind of anxious mode? I text him and I keep looking at the phone for him to write back. He doesn't respond right away and so it makes me feel worse. I am on the verge of sending another message but I know it will just make me look pathetic. It's like you chase your communication with another hoping you will get the desired outcome. It only makes me feel worse, like he has all the power over me. He doesn't really care, why am I putting myself through this. I don't want to be the clingy and needy person, that isn't me. He is making me feel like that. Link to comment
DN Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 Does he always respond to your messages though even if not right away? Does he ever message you? Link to comment
holidaybluze Posted December 29, 2009 Author Share Posted December 29, 2009 Does he always respond to your messages though even if not right away? Does he ever message you? In the past he has. I just feel his affection for me is fading fast. After 4 months and the way he is acting do I have to make a big deal about it and tell him face to face that I don't want this anymore? Is it ok for me to tell him on the phone that it isn't working out for me? He lives 45 minutes away. Link to comment
DN Posted December 29, 2009 Share Posted December 29, 2009 I would talk to him first, tell him your concerns and see what he has to say before you tell him it isn't working for you. Link to comment
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