FOund out she was cheating on me the whole time. Need some quick advice...

[jim355]

Everyone, I don't have time to go into a long story. As I type this my hands are shaking as I have just had a revelation, one of which can not be undone. To make a long story short, my GF left me after 2 years this last weekend. We had broken it on and off a number of times however I was in love, and numerous times she told me it as well.

 

Here is where it gets interesting. I have found out everything about her intimate communications (in a way I can not divulge without incriminating myself in something), and that she has been on eharmony for at least 50% of the time I was going out with her. I also found out she has openly said some very hurtful things about me. As well as communicated with guys while we were dating.

 

I am so stunned by this I do not know what to do. I have a rather nasty email drafted letting her know I found out about the cheating, but not saying how.

 

I want her to know that I know she is a lying cheater, but don't what to do something I will regret.

[bebelight]

NO STOP. Wait a couple days, and write a calm one. Be the bigger person, and she'll get an even bigger slap in the face (so to speak). TRUST ME.

[yeawutever]

She's your ex already, what's the point. By sending that letter who is to say that she won't be laughing so much at you. It would be showing that you still cared so much about a worthless woman, you cared soooo much what she did enough to cause you to waste time writing to her email. You can apply your energy on something else...

 

Lastly if she's your ex now then why does it matter?? Go straight to NC and don't answer if she calls you nor respond by email either....

[Sn0man]

Don't send any letter.

 

Complete and total cut-off of all communication with her will be far more satisfying. If you send the letter, or say anything nasty, it gives her ammo to use against you, and in some way will validate her leaving you.

 

Giving her nothing, on the other hand, will often lead to her questioning herself and her decisions, followed by attempting to make contact with you. By not responding at all, you win.

[sparx]

It's for the better. She's not the person you thougth, she was on the website and you guys had broken it off before, so it sounds like it just wasn't a match.

 

Don't waste your energy, save it. Forget about her and move on to the right girl for you.

[rigguy]

Why would you regret, do you still want to be with such a person, do you want her back? Go totally indifferent, will have much greater effect than nasty emails, I think. As they say revenge best served cold. Sorry you are going through this buddy, you think you know a person then BAM, you find out shes a lying piece of trash. Same happened to me today, not as bad as your situation just discovering her online profile. Lying all the same in my books, just not to an extent, don't know if she was trashing me behind my back if that what happened to you, well ... for what I know. Well live and learn I guess, cheers.

[jim355]

I am calming down a bit... I can breath and my hands stopped shaking. Man this is really tough though. However if I can get past this anger it is going to make NC a breeze, now that I know all of the lies she was living.

 

It just sucks cause I want her to know I know about it so she doesn't think I am a pushover. She told me she loved me multiple times all the while she was getting on eharmony and telling her friends I "was Ok" "but not the one"

 

What goes around comes around... and I hope she gets hers big time one day.

 

Thanks for the advice, I am going to try to let it pass or at least sleep on it.

[jim355]

Why would you regret, do you still want to be with such a person, do you want her back? Go totally indifferent, will have much greater effect than nasty emails, I think. As they say revenge best served cold. Sorry you are going through this buddy, you think you know a person then BAM, you find out shes a lying piece of trash. Same happened to me today, not as bad as your situation just discovering her online profile. Lying all the same in my books, just not to an extent, don't know if she was trashing me behind my back if that what happened to you, well ... for what I know. Well live and learn I guess, cheers.

 

Yeah, she played me like a fiddle. Kept me on the back burner but told me I was the center of attention. Now I know she is a lying wh***. As you said lesson learned. Just a long costly one.

[Mustachio]

It doesnt make you a pushover, and telling her you arent will only serve to make you seem like you are. You didnt know about it, so how would that make you a pushover?

 

Just think about it this way, it makes you a better person than she because you were able to trust her even though she didnt deserve it.

 

And yes, a long costly one... at least it didnt go on 7 years with you knowing about it.

 

Youll be alright, give it a little time before you make any decisions about what to do regarding her, just dont do anything rash while your emotions are running high.

[atelis]

sorry to hear it Jim, but as you said, it will make NC much easier for you. By writing an eamil to her, it is giving her attention that she doesn't deserve and inferring that you care. Switch it off and say 'NEXT........'

[HeartGoesOn]

I'm sorry for your pain. The best thing to do is to simply walk away, hold your head high, and never look back. Remember that "silence carries the loudest voice."

 

All the best...

[atlanticstar]

The others have given sound advice.

 

Walk away, stay silent and don't look back. I can promise you, in time you'll really thank yourself for this.

 

My last significant other physically cheated on me at the start of the relationship and also emotionally at the end. I do feel your pain but please don't waste any time writing letters, emails, calling, etc etc. It doesn't matter now you know the type of person she is so don't waste your energy on someone or something you can't change.

 

You are better off with her out of your life and you already know this. It'll take some time to repair yourself, but trust that you will get better and life will be good once again.

 

Stay strong. Others have walked the same path. You can do this.