Babetears Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 Hi all... i haven't wrote on here for a while now... i was wondering if i made a mistake by messaging my ex online.....earlier today i text message him saying happy mother's day... and when i just message him online he ask me why did i text message him today saying happy mother's day... when he is not a mom.. i said you don't have to be a mother to celebrate mother's day... i feel so distant from him now...i feel like i have to be very careful about what i talk to him about... it is so hard... can someone tell me if i made a mistake by message him.. when he said he needed time and space??? my ex broke up with me 1 month and 1/2 ago.. and we agree on being friends about 2 weeks ago... i don't know what to do... i still love him and misses him a lot... will someone tell me what should i do??? in need of an advice... thanks in advance... Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 im just curious.. maybe its just me.. but why would you text a guy happy mothers day? maybe that just weirded him out alittle bit. Sorry i'm not much help but i'm just wondering?! -Mythical Suicide- Link to comment
Babetears Posted May 10, 2004 Author Share Posted May 10, 2004 just cause it's mother's day... just like i would have friends who will call me up and say happy mother's day when i am not a mom... that's why... i guess i am just weird... Link to comment
Mythical_Suicide Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 not sayin ure weird and dunno if everybody does it where ure from but where i'm at it's Mothers Day for a reason.. the MOMS!!!!!! Just like you aren't gonna call your mother on fathers day and be like Happy Fathers day mom. Once again, sorry i'm not helpin but.. uhm.. yeah.. -Mythical Suicide- Link to comment
Babetears Posted May 10, 2004 Author Share Posted May 10, 2004 that is not the whole point the whole point is did i made a mistake by messaging him online....should i've just stick with my no-contact rule.. even though we are friends... well atleast we both agree with being friends... Link to comment
486dx4 Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 I am curious myself what the consensus is on this as well. I have not yet texted anything but I get these little "hints" of contact after many months of nothing where I am getting jokes forwarded to me from her and sometimes offline messages. Its not too frequent but its odd in that why cant she just write me directly? The guess I have is that she wants to loosely keep in touch with me without being too "forward" but it seems. I was contemplating saying a quick hello (very brief) via text messaging and see what happens but no contact is no contact so that violates the rule. My thought is that saying hello or wishing an ex a happy Mothers Day in the grand scheme is not a big deal - its not like you are saying lets get back together or I missed you, etc.... Just my 2 cents.... Link to comment
BreArna Posted May 10, 2004 Share Posted May 10, 2004 I personally think you texted him and said Happy mothers day because you just wanted some contact with him, which doesnt make u weird, but seriously you dont say happy mothers day to a guy.. But anyway.. Umm with the thing about you two staying friends, he probably said yea lets be friends just ot make you happy, evne tho yous arent going out anymore he must still care about you or he would just cut contact all together but this way by sayin yea lets be friends hes keeping you happy without to much effort, even if truly he doesnt want to be friends.. Guys have this thing about trying to avoid confrontation with women they care about, so they will say anything to avoid a fight or making you feel bad. Anyway i hope it all works out for you Link to comment
Babetears Posted May 11, 2004 Author Share Posted May 11, 2004 he did admit to me he still cares for me... in the previous contact.. i ask him "do he think we will get back together" (was this question a bad question).. then he answer "yes, but not now. i need my time and space right now." did he said that just to make me feel like i got hope??? or did he said that just to make me happy??? if he say that just because he wants me to feel happy.. then that is wrong of him...i would rather him say "NO"... Why do guys sometimes just can't give a straight forward answer.. instead of an answer what the girls want to hear??? sometimes it makes me believe whatever my ex said to me is what i wanted to hear that is why he said it... not because that's how he feel about me... i guess that's something i will not find out or know.. that's why guys are guys and girls are girls... Link to comment
BreArna Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 It was a bad question in the sense that it puts him on the spot.. Its a no win situation from where he stands.. if he said no then you would be upset and it would probably jus lead to more questions and argurments.. but he said yes to avoid the confrontation, he gave you the answer that he believes you want to hear.. If you feel like asking him a question regarding the relationship then dont ask it at the time you think of it , take a few days to think it over and if then you still want to ask then do it in an email that way it doesnt put him on the spot.. after you send the email leave it at that for the time being.. dont bring it up in conversation no matter how hard that is , because more then likely he wont bring it up either.. Give him say a week or two and casually say 'hey by any chance did u receive my email a week or two ago.. and then let him respond to that, dont question him on the answer he gives u.. just say okay or something simple like that. If alot of time goes by and he doesnt respond then maybe thats your answer, unless of course he has said he will reply when you asked him whether or not he received it. Link to comment
Babetears Posted May 11, 2004 Author Share Posted May 11, 2004 i don't think i want to ask him again...cause i think it will bug him if i ask him again... i guess i will just let it be for now.. until later on as in when time passes ...and if i still want to know then i will ask him..but for now i will not ask him... so did i made a mistake by getting in contact with him.. or i did not??? should i just stick with the no-contact for now??? until i am truly over him??? can you give me advice on that??? thanks... Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted May 11, 2004 Share Posted May 11, 2004 I don't think you made a mistake...I would think it would have been funny if my ex had done that (the whole Happy mom's day thing) but then again she dumped me so the contact would be nice.... As far as no contact goes, I believe the only reason you shouldn't contact at all is if your trying to get over someone...otherwise a little (underline a little) contact is needed... Nothing relationship, keep them wondering why you contacted them, be careful in the contact, keep it fun, light, and relationship talk free. And again, not too much!!! "Hope keeps me alive, but it's hope that's killing me..." I say that because hope for the future with my ex keeps me motivated to improve myself and all that , but at the same time hope is a double edged sword...without the hope of me and her I may have been over her months ago, but without it I may have giving up by now, on something that will be in the future...thats the hard part of hope, you can never tell if it's helping you or hurting you... Link to comment
Babetears Posted May 12, 2004 Author Share Posted May 12, 2004 i guess i don't know if i want to get over him right now... part of me want to forget him and move on.. and part of me doesn't... just cause of what he said and that gave me hope... i am so confuse of what i want to do.. i guess i will just contact him once in a while... like once a month or something... thanks... Link to comment
dikaia880 Posted May 13, 2004 Share Posted May 13, 2004 I know how you feel about not wanting to move on...I feel the same, but I don't think it's that we don't want to, it's that that hope of the things our ex's have said keeps us from doing that.... I think the key is to find a way to be happy without having moved on, because we can't tell how long it will take to move on, or if we'll end up with our ex...all we can do is be happy and time will bring an answer, either way.... By the way I love your quote... I wish me ex would realise that!!! Best of luck and you know we're here to help! Link to comment
Babetears Posted May 14, 2004 Author Share Posted May 14, 2004 yea i guess that's all we can do now....is to be happy... but i don't seems to be able to be happy... i have no friends to go out with... on my days off i am home all the time.. even if i want to go out... i feel like i rather be at work then to be home... but when i am at work i want to be home... just like tonite i want to go out so badly... but i have no one to go with... so i am stuck at home... YEah i like that quote too... i wish my ex will feel the same way too... but it doesn't seems like it... since we are not together no more... i guess i hate staying home because whenever i am home all i think about is him... anyway thanks and hope everything goes well for you... Link to comment
stillinLA Posted May 14, 2004 Share Posted May 14, 2004 it's so nice to hear all of you saying these things. it's a good feeling not be alone with these same thoughts and same pain. it's so hard! but thanks to this site, i feel not so alone. my ex kept calling me and then said she missed me. i made the mistake of calling her and asked her why she was calling. she said that she still loved me and loves me and wants to think about getting back together. but later she said i only was pushing her to say that (i didn't at all!) and it was only what she was feeling at the time but can't think about it now. and is sorry that i made her say it --which i didn't at all. she keeps flopping back and forth! she's with someone else but has hinted she's not sure about it. it's a rebound relationship. and yesterday when she said that she didn't mean what she said about getting back together (she said i misinterpreted it ?!?!) i asked her if she was in love with him and she said it's up and down. she's stressed out with a big project that's vital and can't think about anything right now. so i'm backiing off. he is perfect for her because there's no past and she can have a simple relationship with him to keep her in comfort for now. it's so PAINFUL when they give you hope like that and then it's retracted and there's no resolve. i don't know what to do! that quote: "hope keeps me alive but it's hope that's killing me" is perfect. everyday it consumes me and i just don't know what to do about it. i guess it's like having an illness that you just hope soon goes away. but it's different --it's about another human being that means so much to you. isn't it crazy how much pain we are in? my heart goes out to EVERYONE here! Link to comment
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