The cards are stacked against me.

[Adom]

I broke up with her over a YEAR ago, and haven't spoken with her since. I now believe it was a mistake - we were both too confused and stressed at the time. I could have dealt with things differently.

 

I recently was seeing another girl, but had to end it (partially) because I still love my ex!

 

What am I to do? I want to talk with this girl now more than anything - but it's been SO long. We live nearly 500 miles away from eachother. Is it too late to get in contact with her? Would it be wrong? How should I go about this?

 

I don't know. That's why I need some advice from all of you kind folks right now! Please help me out!

[kungfumaster]

Hi Adom,

 

I think you should start out with maybe sending her a friendly email - you know, like Hi... Just wanted to see if you're still at this email address. I just wanted to say hi and see how you were.

 

This has the advantage of NOT catching her off guard (say with a phone call in which case, she might freak out or something, or she might just be going out, and so you feel like a smuck if the conversation doesn't go well) - it just minimizes the awkwardness of the whole situation. At the same time, it will give her a chance to see how she feels about you, i.e., if she's moved on, if she still cares about you, if she still loves you and is thinking about you.

 

I don't know how you guys broke up, but if it was on good terms, she will probably respond. If you guys broke up on a "bad note", she might not respond.

 

Anyways, good luck man. Wow - it takes a big man to admit he has made a mistake when breaking up with someone. I give you credit. It takes a bigger man to maybe try to give it another go - after 1 year too for pete's sake. But, you have to prepare yourself for the worst too - because it has been 1 year - ample time for your ex to heal and move on.

 

Good luck and take care.

Kung fu.

[Belle]

Adom,

I don't know if I'd do the email thing. Like someone told me recently, romance is not handled by email. Take a risk, give her a call. She'll probably be happy to hear from you. You can also gauge by her voice if she still has any feelings for you. Indifference is really bad. You can't get that by email.

 

I recently contacted someone I broke up with and I was able to make out sadness and anger. Without those things I wouldn't have the courage to keep trying with him. I know that any kind of emotion means he's still vested.

 

Just my two cents.

 

Belle

[Adom]

Thanks so much for the advice.

 

Belle, you've single-handedly convinced me that the phone would indeed be much better. It's definetly more of a risk, but at least I'll know if I'm being foolish or not after talking to her again. What a rush... what a reality check that will be! To hear her again after so long!

 

Interesting point about any emotions that are conveyed means that the other is still vested. May I ask how long it had been since you had talked with him before you called him? Was it a long time?

 

I'm also not sure if I should act non-chalant, or just be upfront as to how much I miss her.

 

I imagine her being surprised, and a bit inquisitive. I definetly want to wait till school ends so we don't have to go through extra stress during finals. Thanks again for the advice. I still welcome more! Just talking about it here makes the prospect of all of this seem possible.

[tutu79]

If you are going to contact her, I think you should do it by phone also. Say you e-mail her and she doesn't have the same address. If she didn't respond you would never know if it was because she didn't get it or if she did get it and just didn't respond because she has moved on!

Good Luck!

[Scout]

Without knowing why you two broke up - and most importantly, how - I don't know how to suggest you contact her. whether you do it by phone or email doesn't matter, it's what you say in either case. If the relationship ended on a bad note, and you did or said some things you're not too proud of, either way you're going to have to right up front say, look I know this is a blast from the past, and maybe not one you ever thought you'd want to hear from again, but I've always felt bad about how things ended, and I just want you to know that I'm sorry. I've thought about you often, and you were an important person in my life, and I really felt like I owed you this call. Or email as the case might be.

 

Good luck, and keep us posted!

[shockeddismayed]

Scout is right...

 

It all depends on the context.

 

However I'd add that no matter what, you need to be willing to put things on the line a bit... Scout's message above is perfect if you hurt her... however you'll need to be careful not to simply make it sound like you are trying to get closure for yourself... you need to inject some obvious hints that you would be interesting in spending some time with her... possibly trying again.

 

If you ended it, a thousand dumpees on this site are going to tell you that it is going to be a battle to get her back... you will have to risk your heart, or she'll just not trust your feelings.

 

It's going to be dangerous for you.... be sure you are ready for that.

[Adom]

Appreciate the insight Scout and Shocked.

 

Let me begin by stating that the breakup wasn't on the best of terms (are any?). We did make our peace afterwards... and went our separate ways. We had our closure. I don't desire closure. I want an opening! I find I still think of her. I still LOVE her! And I'm curious as to what it would be like with her now.

 

One thing I haven't thought through is what angle I want to take with her that first call. People seem to be reccomending just coming out and saying what I feel. I don't want to be a schlemiel. This girl has probably gotten on quite well without me - and I'm gonna lay it all on her all at once?!? I couldn't!

 

I'll tell her I've been thinking of her lately, and I want to know what she's up to. Where things go from there... I don't know. It's up to her in many ways. I'm in no rush. One thing I do know for sure is that I won't do it until school's out. I don't need all that stress right now... and she probably doesn't either. Maybe we'll never talk after this. Or only very rarely - but at least I would have given it a try.

 

This is a huge risk. I may get hurt because of this. But if I don't do SOMETHING I'll think about her everytime I date ANYBODY. I think we had something real. It may sound corny, but it's true.

 

If we start just talking again, I'll be happy. Am I being a fool about all of this?