Have I become too Bitter

[fawndango]

I have to say at this point I am really through trying to find love. Its been ten years of bad relationships and I am over it.

 

I am 34, a single mom, and have a decent career. I am absolutely exhausted and I have tried everything.

 

First it was the guy that strung me along for four years until i finally broke it off. I decided to work on finishing my degree and focus on my career and then i met the next one.....

 

He left me after a year and a half together right when i was onto an awesome career. My world fell apart and i decided that i wanted a family life instead of a career life.

 

It took me a year to get over that.

 

I took another year off of relationships and I looked at all of my patterns in my relationships, and worked on myself. It seemed all of the men had the same thing in common.

 

They all didn't have their act together, didn't know where they were going, and were unstable and not where they needed to be in their life when I met them. They were also obsessed with their looks and working out, and extremely self centered.

 

I read self improvement and spiritual books to try and raise my awareness and deal with all of my issues and made a pact with myself to choose a "different" type of guy this time. (If I keep doing the same thing I will end up with the same result type of thing)

 

Well i met someone who was the opposite of all of the other men i had previously dated, he had a good job, was with the last woman for thirteen years, didn't cheat, a good person (i checked up on his reputation) and once again it didn't work out. He doesn't know what he wants etc.

 

So now i am at the point where i question, is there anybody it will ever work out with, is there something wrong with me, and i see the future as being alone for the rest of my life.

[Keyman]

Hey,

 

I think you'll find there are many of us out there. I've just turned 38, good job, nice car, great friends, many passions, quite fit but not obsessed with it, have plans for the future, working on making my dreams come true etc etc, yet, a string of bad relationships and wondering what the hell is wrong with me.

 

I ask myself the same question you have posed in your last paragraph. Is there anyone out there it will work with or will I be alone forever?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Same problem as the two of you...always finding the wrong person....my life is really together but I just can't find someone.

[fawndango]

I looked at how I behaved in each relationship and the only thing I can find in commont: In each relationship I ran around doing everything for them. I cooked them breakfast, lunch, dinner, basically carried the entire relationship. Personally I think it drove each one of them away from me because they thought I was insecure. I did it because its how i show my love. Maybe it did stem from insecurity. I mean how much more of a perfect woman can I be: I am educated, have been told i have a beautiful face, I am in shape, i am supportive,, i have a good job, my daughter behaves well, there isn't much more I can do. You sound like you have your act together, what are some of the issues that you were having?

[quirky]

I worry about this lately as well..I'm more worried I will never have a child, I can live without a man.

 

Sadly I've noticed guys prefer a lady that shows him affection but doesn't do too much for him. I actually wonder if cooking means anything to them, 3 meals a day and packing his lunchbox I don't think it makes them desire us more. What means the most is to have fun, be warm and smiley, like his friends and support his career dreams. I really hope I'm wrong btw

[sweetdslollipop]

Have you heard about the law of attraction? According to the LOA, you must be subconsciously attracting these type of people to you. What do you think?

[fawndango]

I worry about this lately as well..I'm more worried I will never have a child, I can live without a man.

 

Sadly I've noticed guys prefer a lady that shows him affection but doesn't do too much for him. I actually wonder if cooking means anything to them, 3 meals a day and packing his lunchbox I don't think it makes them desire us more. What means the most is to have fun, be warm and smiley, like his friends and support his career dreams. I really hope I'm wrong btw

 

Maybe you may be right, its the only recurring thing that i have done in each relationship, and the more i think about it, i think you are on to something.

[fawndango]

Have you heard about the law of attraction? According to the LOA, you must be subconsciously attracting these type of people to you. What do you think?

 

I thought of that in my year of hiatus, so i cleared up my subconscious, made sure i wasn't on the rebound, restructured my career so i have more room to manuever a relationship, did things to clear a path for success with someone, and yet i end up with the wrong person packaged a different way from the last guy. Good job, career, nice but doesn't know what he wants. So what else can i do to attract the right type of guy?

[quirky]

Since you have made so many positive steps with your life maybe you could find a decent guy by joining a relevant group through link removed.

 

Do you think you understand male psychology, that you can tell what some signs/words mean?

[sweetdslollipop]

I thought of that in my year of hiatus, so i cleared up my subconscious, made sure i wasn't on the rebound, restructured my career so i have more room to manuever a relationship, did things to clear a path for success with someone, and yet i end up with the wrong person packaged a different way from the last guy. Good job, career, nice but doesn't know what he wants. So what else can i do to attract the right type of guy?

 

Have you tried affirmations? Telling yourself multiple times a day that I will attract good men for me, being in the right places, and actually believing that it will come true?

[bulletproof]

If the common thread is guys not knowing what they want then maybe that is a trait you possess? I know that in the past I thought I knew what I wanted, and I was very wrong!

 

I will agree that being positive and warm with a guy goes a little further then taking care of needs like making dinner. Embracing your femininity and sexuality in a reasonable manner doesn't hurt, either.

[Crazyaboutdogs]

I thought of that in my year of hiatus, so i cleared up my subconscious, made sure i wasn't on the rebound, restructured my career so i have more room to manuever a relationship, did things to clear a path for success with someone, and yet i end up with the wrong person packaged a different way from the last guy. Good job, career, nice but doesn't know what he wants. So what else can i do to attract the right type of guy?

 

I have the same problem..no matter how different the guys were regarding how they came accross, scratch beneath the surface and they were all cut from the same cloth.

[fawndango]

If the common thread is guys not knowing what they want then maybe that is a trait you possess? I know that in the past I thought I knew what I wanted, and I was very wrong!

 

I will agree that being positive and warm with a guy goes a little further then taking care of needs like making dinner. Embracing your femininity and sexuality in a reasonable manner doesn't hurt, either.

 

Gee, i never thought of it like that. I guess i thought femininity was displayed by being able to cook and nurture. I have to admit i am not always positive and warm. I have no problems drawing men to me because i appear to be independent, smart and pretty but then they seem to lose interest ---now that i think about it maybe its when i start running around trying to please them when i recognize that i have feelings----maybe that is the mistake.

[fawndango]

Do you think you understand male psychology, that you can tell what some signs/words mean?

 

 

I am starting to wonder about if i do understand male psychology, honestly i don't think i do. where and how can i find out some more information.

[bulletproof]

I am starting to wonder about if i do understand male psychology, honestly i don't think i do. where and how can i find out some more information.

 

Well, I should rephrase what I just said earlier- being positive and warm goes a long way with everyone, males and females, or at least it does with the ones you're trying to attract. Therefore, I don't think it has to do with understanding male psychology per se as much as it does human psychology. Which is kind of good, because you just have to think- what attracts you to people? Can you be that type of person?

[Comrade]

Gee, i never thought of it like that. I guess i thought femininity was displayed by being able to cook and nurture. I have to admit i am not always positive and warm. I have no problems drawing men to me because i appear to be independent, smart and pretty but then they seem to lose interest ---now that i think about it maybe its when i start running around trying to please them when i recognize that i have feelings----maybe that is the mistake.

 

I wouldn't be too quick to eschew your desire to show your love for your man by cooking, etc. In my last relationship, my girlfriend cooked for me all the time - and I loved it! I felt so grateful I would always try to cook a meal for her in return, even though I'm not a very good cook. I think that cooking for each other really brought us together, because it was just one of the ways that we showed our appreciation for one other. So, if you like to cook for someone you care about, do it. I think that the right man for you will appreciate the gesture.