What's wrong with me!?

[exback]

I don't understand - I read and hear so many stories about break ups and it always turns out like this: dumper and dumpee come back together or the dumpee and dumper gets happy again with someone new. Most of them got over their break up after a couple of months but here I am still missing my ex after 4 years together 9 months later not able to love someone else. Why can't I fall in love again. I met nice and good-looking guys during the last 9 months and tried dating and so on but none of them moved my heart the slightest bit.

What's wrong with me and why can't I get past my ex-fiancé. He is not interested in me at all - doesn't contact me and ignored all my attempts and is bad-mouthing me and blaming everything that went wrong during that 4 years on me...I didn't cheat and I didn't ly to him...I tried my best but it was not enough.

At the moment I don't like the person I am at all. I wanna be strong but I can't...I hate myself...

[gsxr104]

We all have our weak moments and it seems as though you may be having one too. When my ex broke up with me it was as though I kept looking for her in other people. I would almost be looking for a reaction that would be similar to hers, a laugh like hers, just about everything. It was familiar and I wanted it back so bad. I could be wrong but I'm wondering if you're not doing something similar here. We are all different and have our own unique charactreristics. You could be subconsciously shutting off outsiders or they could be fleeing your presence just by some vibes you may be giving off [ you said you hated yourself, they could be picking up on this very sense].

 

Try looking at a different perspective and give yourself (and others) a chance to get to know you. The real you. I think if you look deep inside of yourself, you'll find something that you will love and admire and so will others.

[donpeel83]

I think a big part of the problem is that you really need to learn to love yourself again before you can expect someone else to steal your heart. That might be a big part of why you’re not connecting with anyone else. Also, it sounds like your trying to really rush yourself into something new when you’re obviously not ready or in the right place yet. There’s no shame in it taking it 9 months or 19 months to get over someone. We all grieve in different ways and you need to be patient with yourself and allow yourself to get over the pain naturally, as apposed to trying to force things through.

 

Unfortunately there is no secret remedy to make the pain disperse, its something you need to be patient with. 4 years with someone is a long time and it taking 9+ months is not unnatural when looking at a timescale. If you a re really struggling with moving on and progressing with your life then maybe consider seeing a professional who can help to dissect your problems whilst putting you on the right track to improvement within your life.

[fearless31]

i agree with the others who posted - you said it yourself, "i hate myself." don't say that! you have to learn to love yourself again, forgive yourself for whatever you are punishing yourself for. these others are right, i have seen it happen before where we give off negative vibes and you will attract people based on how you feel about yourself. believe me, you will.

 

do whatever it takes to make yourself whole again, and like the others said, it's ok if you're not ready, don't punish yourself for this. be kind to yourself and do things that make you feel better, but overall, just learn to love yourself again...

[curious11]

it took me over a year to get over my ex girlfriend.. and i was in pain everyday. We never got back together. We arnt even friends today, last time ive seen her was at a distance and she looked away.

[peanutbutterandjelly]

it took me over 3 years to get over an ex of 5 years and I STILL think about him sometimes and wonder what it would be like if we were together right now. Some people just take a lot longer to heal. 9 months is still early. Just keep on living life... you'll get there.

[exback]

Why are some people so bitter after a break up!? I can't understand that. I got hurt, too and I am sure I hurt him somehow - but despite that I don't think he is a bad person - we spend 4 years together. How is it possible for some poeple to walk away and believe there exs are pure evil and that they don't even answer calls/email or like you said "look away"...

That is why I feel so horrible - I look at me the way he looks at me and the way he acts towards me now and what he tells common friends about me...

A guy that knows me that well and still he thinks that bad about me -- consequently I must be a bad person since he knows me good enough to judge me...

[donpeel83]

For all you know sweetie the reason why he is doing the "look away" act is because he lacks the balls to face you and your history together. He would rather bury it in the sand as apposed to face the situation head on. My ex was the same, despite her doing 90% of the wrong stuff in our relatinship with cheating etc, she quickly kicked me to touch and just acted like i never existed.

 

Remember this hun, his behaviour is NOT a reflection on you as a person. His behaviour is a reflection on HIS insecurities and inability to deal with the problem. Because he lacks that maturity this will always plague him whenever he is in a relationship with someone. I know it does with my ex and these type of people are often, without sounding like a cliche, cut from the same cloth!!

[miss_sunshine86]

You really have to stop being so horrible to yourself.

 

How is it that you could think somethings wrong with you?

 

He is the one SO immature that he could not even have the decency - not only to give you a proper break up at the time - but not even 9 MONTHS later.

 

The fact you're still upset proves you're human. He on the other hand? Well that is questionable.

 

The reason you haven't met anyone else is because you're still trying to get answers from him and obviously still hung up on him.

 

When you start realising in this situation you have to give yourself closure then you'll start moving on.

 

You really just have to be your best friend here - and just think of your own best interests. And think about it - even if he did come and explain why - he'd still be your ex, he'd still be gone. Would you ever want to get back with him if you knew he was capable of just leaving you after a silly fight about a car? I know I wouldn't.

 

And I'm in a similar situation - 4 years of him being in my life and he just has disappeared because of a silly e-mail fight . I don't expect to hear from him again, it's been a month, but i am no hope whatsoever so I am just trying to give myself closure and be kind to myself.

 

I don't think anythings wrong with me and there's nothing wrong with you - HE is the one who is immature, rude, and immoral, or he wouldn't have done this.

[exback]

I am constantly thinking that "maybe I am crazy" and I forgot about something horrible I did to him...otherwise I can't explain his behaviour at all....

Why did it happen - I am so sad. It can't be true that people just vanish from your life just like that and never look back as if I ceased to exist and never did...