Is she too young??

[BobBurton]

Hello All,

 

I am 33 years old and been dating a 19 year old girl for about 6 months now. We are totally in love and enjoy spending alot of time together. The relationship is just a blast in every way, really! I can honestly say that we're very happy being together and I never thought such a young person could bring me so much joy into my life! So anyways...

 

Lately there's been a lot of "judging comments" coming from her parents and some of her friends and my friends as well. Peolple say the gap is too big. That I or she will get hurt badly. And that our relationship is a joke!

 

Now, I know that we may not be together forever and that she's going through a lot of transformation phases lately (from teenage to 20's, school, job, wanting to leave bird nest, etc.) but does that justify that we should split now and avoid too much hearthache later?

 

Am I wasting my time with this young girl?

 

THANK YOU ALL for your advices!

[QTpie87]

hey,

 

well it is young, but i personally don't think that age matters if you are in love. go for it and hope you two stay happy.

love Qtpie87

[AB38]

Bob:

 

I feel your pain. My girlfried and I just broke up last weekend. I am 38 and she is 23. The best advise I can give is to understand that she is just beginning her 20's and all the pressures that come with that time. We have been there! Let her parents get to know you and see what kind of person you are, but don't force your way into their family. Her parents accepted me because they knew how much I loved her.

 

You have to listen to your heart and not anybody else. I hope to get my girlfried back, because she is so special. Age has nothing to do with it.

 

Good luck to the both of you.

[Tinkerbell]

Well, I definitely think that the age gap is too large for that point in her life. She's only 19, her life is just beginning, it's the time for experiments and finding yourself! However, you must feel otherwise if you are with her, so just follow your heart. If the two of you are genuinely happy and can see a future together, than keep making an effort to keep the relationship going and ignore the taunting from friends and parents. Afterall, it isn't THEIR love life, it's yours!

[mahlina]

Hi Bob,

 

Hmm...That's a tough call. I dated a guy who was about 8-9 years older than me, not quite sure on the date & age (I'm bad with dates, sorry), when I was 19. I know how it feels to date an older guy. At that point in my life, I was barely getting to know who I was. I knew what I wanted, but the hardest thing was to actually 'get there.' I understand that your gap is close to 15 years, which is, quite a distant gap. Mine rounded off to 10, which was not as bad. But still, 19 for me, was quite a difficult time.

 

About her parents accepting you, I think that's great! My parents accepted him. So, in that area of the relationship, I see that she'll at least, feel at ease about the relationship. In that sense, her parents trust you, so it will be much less of a burden on you.

 

All I can say is, 19 is still pretty young. As long as you guys are happy, I think that it's all that matters. You should give the relationship a little more time to develop though. My ex and I bonded well in the beginning, but with school and added stress, I felt like I could not surmount to being the 'perfect' woman that his mother wanted. His mom was ready for his woman to 'pop' out babies. That scared the heck out of me.

 

I guess, my best advice is to: Do not let the parents get involved too soon or too much. Get to know her first. Do all of the fun things. Enjoy your romance, and then get 'serious'. I think that's what really did it for me: meeting his parents too soon. I felt a tremendous amount of pressure. They had so much class. I admire his mother for her sophistication, but I think that's what he wanted in a woman, and I thought to myself, I'm not really ready yet. I still had things that I needed to resolve for myself. I'm not perfect yet. At least I tried. It just scared me to know that I had to challenge myself to be that 'woman' that his mama wanted me to be. She was sweet though. I love her very much, but it really turned into something quite 'intimidating.'

 

Okay, so to recap:

1. Enjoy the romance.

2. Take it slow. It's good that you met her parents. Shows a lot of respect on your part.

3. Encourage her to focus on finsihing her education. Try not to lecture her too much. Offer her advice, but don't nag. Just be yourself.

4. Allow yourselves the time to 'get to know' each other, before meeting the 'parents.'

 

Enjoy the relationship while it lasts. Try not to rush into things. I'm glad that you are aware of the circumstances. Perhaps, you should sit down and have a talk with her parents to see what's the best thing that the two of you can do for now. You're not allowing them to control your lives that way, but allowing yourself to see her in a different light, through her parents eyes. I hope that things will fall into place for the two of you!

 

Good LucK!

Mahlina

 

P.S.- My advice is just based on personal experience, so it might not apply to every aspect of your relationship, but it doesn't hurt to see things at a different angel. I guess the best thing is to talk to her parents, and then let your emotions decide from there. It's good to be rational about this situation, but it's also important to just savor the moment, by enjoying your 'happiness' together. Those happy memories are all that counts. And, if things don't work out, then at least the both of you will have something special to remember about. Take Care!

[BobBurton]

All your advices have been very valuable and thank you so much for taking the time to write me!

 

It has now been 10 months that we've been together my gf and I and things are still excellent. I won't lie to you and admit that it has lost a bit of spark but no relationship can burn as bright as the sun forever, right?!! Even the sun itself is in fact slowly burning out and in about 10 million years will be out!! Should we worry now?! Nah!....

 

I believe the key for a good ongoing relationship is to constantly explore new things and not to fall in the "routine pit" of WTS!! (Work-TV-Sleep)! Visiting friends, outdoor activities, romantic evenings talking, dancing, etc.

 

Staying home and watching TV kills the relationship people!! ;-)

 

The funny thing is that I make my gf feel older and more responsible and she makes me feel so much younger and daring! It's just great!

[mahlina]

Hi Bob. Glad to hear that!

 

I must agree with you. When a relationship gets routine, that's where things get a little...drab. That's why, I think that it's important that couples stay spontaneous, consistently flirt, tease, go out on dates, and stay young/joyous towards one another. Kinda like two kids falling in love all over again! It's good to rekindle the sparks every so often. That's what builds passion onto the relationship! It's refreshing....

 

You're doing a great job so far! I also agree about the chemistry among age-gap relationships. She brings out that youth inside of you, while you help her to mature along her path in life. Excellent combo. Good luck to your romance. All of the best to the both of you!

 

Mahlina

[PAdreamer]

The bottom line here is that you two care for each other, you enjoy each other, and you're HAPPY! Don't ask others if she is too young. Decide that based on how you feel. Do you feel that her age is important?

 

I'm 19 and my boyfriend is 27. We CONSTANTLY forget that there is an age gap because our focus is on how much we love and enjoy each other. That's what's important.

[casado001]

But in again, both of you are in a different developmental age. You are ready for certain things that she is not ready yet...

 

She may love you deeply, but in time she may get a little delusional for all the things she is not doing with kids her age.

 

Do you remember the way you where at 18?

 

I do, and it is very different than the way I am now at 34 ...

 

As long as both are happy, it should be fine. My concern is that she will be looking forward to things you where looking towards when you where her age, and now they are of little to interest for you ...

 

 

just my two cents

[PAdreamer]

*holds up a stop sign* Okay hold it right there. Gotta say, that is the most common misconception in age-difference relationships. I am 19, but I am not into partying or hanging out or anything that is considered "normal" for my age range. Being 19 doesn't automatically make me unprepared to face life. So, yeah she will learn things as she gets older, but that doesn't mean that she will regret her decision! I am happy to be with my older boyfriend, and I don't feel that I am missing out on anything.