I think were broken up

[SapphireNoir10]

Its gotta be cos this time I dont even know WHAT the heck I did as in the last text I got before this was all marriage/love/forevers.

 

Maybe I have made him feel not good enough. But he hasnt acted like he can get anything right by dissapearing/hurting me. I think its own guilt acting up.

 

I havent made him feel that way, he feels that way because he should.

[diamond78]

I have been very critical of him. maybe I like broke him because he wasnt strong to start with.

 

Or maybe this is all games/gameplaying/drama to him.

 

 

But why were you critical? I bet it was because of the way he was treating you.

 

 

Every action causes a reaction. You became critical as a direct result of his poor treatment of you.

 

You have to be careful here Blue....weren't you in an abusive relationship before? Do you see yourself doing/saying some of the same things you did in your previous relationship? If so, then you know this relationship is no longer healthy for you. Do not allow a pattern of staying in abusive relatonships develop here....Save yourself.

[orangetemple]

Its like he wont believe I love him or anything and he gets insecure and goes off on one about how he can't do anything right.

 

I just wish he'd give me an answer. Thats all I ask of him.

 

You are leavng the *decision* up to him - that is the whole problem here.

 

Decide for yourself is it is *over*

[orangetemple]

How many texts have you sent him since he sent you the one about working in the labs?

[diamond78]

Its gotta be cos this time I dont even know WHAT the heck I did as in the last text I got before this was all marriage/love/forevers.

 

Maybe I have made him feel not good enough. But he hasnt acted like he can get anything right by dissapearing/hurting me. I think its own guilt acting up.

 

I havent made him feel that way, he feels that way because he should.

 

 

 

But this is similar to the last time. Everything was good and then BOOM he was gone. It's not you doing anything....There's something going on with HIM. This is his problem as is the compulsive lying....This boy is dealing with some serious demons.

[SapphireNoir10]

How many texts have you sent him since he sent you the one about working in the labs?

 

Literally about 20!!! and left two voicemails crying. Very embarassed now. but if I go NC I think I can redeem my moment of weakneess. how any guy can ignore that from someone 'he loves' nuh uh.

 

Your right to the other posters in the respect I am blaming myself perhaps unecessarily.

 

You may not think this but one of his main things he doesnt like about me is im not mega clingy, as in I dont need constant affection love, now he moans about this. I can be snappy and grumpy. But thats me. Thats the me he met, if he didnt like it he wouldnt have been with me.

 

BUT yes the reason our relationship has been a bit iffy on my side is because I've beenf inding it impossible to get over past hurts.

[SapphireNoir10]

Let me just add you guys are being fantastic. Im really starting to you know, look at it differently.

[SapphireNoir10]

I have thrown around ending it maybe too many times. But thats only when hes upset/hurt/ignored/let me down and I've been like 'Look lets end it its not working' But I always end up taking him back or saying 'one last chance'

 

I wouldnt have to threaten it if he did nothing wrong

 

Sure I can be unreasonable and hurtful too but I dont disappear/lie I couldnt.

[greywolf]

why wont he flippin answer the text 'Is it over' WHY?! How hard is that to do?

 

Since when has he ever answered you when he could blow it off?

[PsychGirly]

Anytime you show that you're weak, he will take advantage of that opportunity & make you feel even crappier. That's BEEN the pattern for a while now.

 

At any given moment, even if it's after 20 texts & voicemails, if you decide to be strong...it will shock him & it WILL affect him.

 

It's really hard to do, I'm not saying it's easy...but you really have no other choice. It's either that, or be miserable forever...or until he shatters you into pieces.

[SapphireNoir10]

I know Im officially going N/C

 

I deserve more.

 

Sure theres stuff I love, but lots I hate. Sure Im no angel, even my parents said I've been too tough sometimes, but, only since he started this game playing

[PsychGirly]

I have thrown around ending it maybe too many times. But thats only when hes upset/hurt/ignored/let me down and I've been like 'Look lets end it its not working' But I always end up taking him back or saying 'one last chance'

 

I wouldnt have to threaten it if he did nothing wrong

 

Sure I can be unreasonable and hurtful too but I dont disappear/lie I couldnt.

 

You've cried wolf too many times.

 

You should never use a break-up as a threat. Only use it when you mean it. If you use it as a threat & don't stick to it, it becomes a joke to him. Everytime you say that, he thinks, "Ya, ya...cut the crap, you'll be back in no time."

 

It's his fault that he's an &*$%#!, but it's your fault that it's dragged on this far...

[SapphireNoir10]

Since when has he ever answered you when he could blow it off?

 

It makes me feel really sick,

 

someone who cares couldnt do this could they?

[Cognitive_Canine]

It makes me feel really sick,

 

someone who cares couldnt do this could they?

 

He's loving on his terms. When it is convienent and he feels like putting in the effort.

[SapphireNoir10]

Its so weird. Your right, cos when hes here he can be the perfect guy cooking, caring, loving etc etc.

 

But when it comes to actually communicating/talking about issues/having anything to do with me. He can't

 

Sure hes been down every weekend and its a long way (We're LDR) But thats probably only cos he was bored on his own.

[doiiiieeezie]

He does care in some little form... but his pride and his idiocy prevails. He proved it by having his parents check up on him... via the cops. That alone should say something.

 

No matter how you spin it... the guy is only thinking of himself... and it does suck that you truly care for him.... but love and care for yourself first.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Its so weird. Your right, cos when hes here he can be the perfect guy cooking, caring, loving etc etc.

 

But when it comes to actually communicating/talking about issues/having anything to do with me. He can't

 

Sure hes been down every weekend and its a long way (We're LDR) But thats probably only cos he was bored on his own.

 

If he's like this in an LDR, he'll really be out of the picture once the LDR is over and you see each other every day. He won't be able to get away with crap like this.

[greywolf]

CC, reading that text. Do you think it sounds like a serious break up text? Or just him getting angry/insecure?

 

Im paralysed

 

How could someone say they loved me/etc for nearly fifteen months

 

Then drop me?

 

If one of you guys got that..what the heck would you think/do?

 

I said this once on one of your previous threads. Stop trying to analyze everything he does. The reasons don't matter and there is no point in trying to understand it, because you never will. What matters are his actions and they are all saying that he's not a good guy.

[diamond78]

Literally about 20!!! and left two voicemails crying. Very embarassed now. but if I go NC I think I can redeem my moment of weakneess. how any guy can ignore that from someone 'he loves' nuh uh.

 

Your right to the other posters in the respect I am blaming myself perhaps unecessarily.

 

You may not think this but one of his main things he doesnt like about me is im not mega clingy, as in I dont need constant affection love, now he moans about this. I can be snappy and grumpy. But thats me. Thats the me he met, if he didnt like it he wouldnt have been with me.

 

BUT yes the reason our relationship has been a bit iffy on my side is because I've beenf inding it impossible to get over past hurts.

 

 

It's hard to get over past hurts when a person continues to presently hurt you. You can never fully heal or get over it because you always have a new reminder of his behaviors.

 

Let me tell you a very brief story. Not too long ago I called my Ex in complete panic mode...crying like a lunatic because I was worried he was doing something that he done previously that hurt me badly. His phone had died, so of course he wasn't going to get the message, but that didn't stop me from texting and calling like a crazy woman.

 

You know what he did first thing in the morning once he saw the barrage of texts and voicemails on his phone? He called me. He called me to reassure me that all was okay and not to worry. Because even though he had messed up in the past, he saw that it still effected me today and he made sure to alleviate my worries once he knew what was going on with me. And believe me, he ain't too good at that, but he did it because he does truly care about ME and what I was feeling at that moment. Calling someone back is such a simple task, especially when it's your partner.

 

Your b/f is literally watching you suffer and he's not doing anything to stop it. That's just scary.

[SapphireNoir10]

You've cried wolf too many times.

 

You should never use a break-up as a threat. Only use it when you mean it. If you use it as a threat & don't stick to it, it becomes a joke to him. Everytime you say that, he thinks, "Ya, ya...cut the crap, you'll be back in no time."

 

It's his fault that he's an &*$%#!, but it's your fault that it's dragged on this far...

 

Do you mean like he knows he can get away with this because everytime I've said in the past I'll end it with him if he does it again, he does it, and I dont.

[SapphireNoir10]

I was SO sure he was a good guy. I thought maybe he was a little thoughtless/naive/inexperienced in relationships and I let him get away with a lot

 

A lot of the time he went off etc I wondered if i was because I'd been to hard/harsh on him.

 

Im trying not to analyse what I've done wrong cos its driving me mad, but no matter how i've been/what I've said...I dont deserve this??

 

And surely if he was upset with the way I was he coulda just SAID not disappear

[greywolf]

Do you mean like he knows he can get away with this because everytime I've said in the past I'll end it with him if he does it again, he does it, and I dont.

 

He knows he can get away with treating you like crap because you take him back every single time. It sends a subconscious message that you like being treated that way, that you think that it is what you deserve.

[Jeen]

You don't need this loser! Sometimes there is no closure when a relationship fail. Get on with your life, there are more fish in the see, you caught a shark you have to let go before you get hurt or waist more of your time.

 

Sometimes a relationship just get to a point where it seize to exist, and it doesn't help to try and hold on to it any longer.

 

Sometimes there is no answer!

 

Sometimes there is no closure!

[SapphireNoir10]

He knows he can get away with treating you like crap because you take him back every single time. It sends a subconscious message that you like being treated that way, that you think that it is what you deserve.

 

Most people seem to think he'll be back

 

I cant see that...possibly because he's got me into such a state on purpose so I'll be so relieved when he does

 

Im pretty sure if he really wanted to end it he would just SAY

 

this is nuts...I think I am a sucker for punishment, subconsiously, Its like I want him so much I forgo myself. But WHY do I want him so much?:

[waveseer]

Most people seem to think he'll be back

 

I cant see that...possibly because he's got me into such a state on purpose so I'll be so relieved when he does

 

Im pretty sure if he really wanted to end it he would just SAY

 

this is nuts...I think I am a sucker for punishment, subconsiously, Its like I want him so much I forgo myself. But WHY do I want him so much?

 

Because you have nobody better. Seriously, if you met the nice man who lives around the corner and got along with him famously, this game player would be history before you could blink.