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I think we're on the outs.....................


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My wife and I married as high school sweethearts, were coming up on our 5th anniversary and have had plenty of downfalls. I'm a military man and the last transfer that I took was one she wanted nothing to do with. I did it for the sake of the marriage. I was on a ship and felt that we were growing further apart, almost to the point where I felt like I was just a roommate and was uncomfortable coming home. To make a long story short, we no longer have any sort of sex life, maybe once every month if that. We argue about petty things, mainly because she barely lifts a finger around the house. I blame this on her upbringing since her Mother catered to her every whim she had. I honestly think if she did leave me, she wouldn't know where to stand. I try to get things together and maybe work things out, but she won't talk to me about problems, she's isn't one for critisism, but who is. I don't want what we have to end but I don't want to be unhappy for the rest of my life. Anyone with any sane advice?

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Hi immune,


Welcome to eNotalone.com and thank you for asking for advice on this message board. I hope that you will find my advice helpful.


I would like you to think about this: "The only obligation YOU have in life, is the obligation for YOU to be happy. If YOU are not happy, YOU cannot make someone else happy." I feel that there is little to none communication in your marriage. I also say: "Communication leads to a better understanding". I find being affectionate also a very important part of a marriage. That is also something that your marriage seem to lack.


Knowing this, I would sit down with your wife and ask her how she really feels over your marriage. After that I would explain your feelings towards the situation you find yourself in and that you have difficulties coping with it. Ask her what it takes to give your marriage a new input. This can be easily done without blaming her for this situation. You just need to know what she is really looking for. Last but not least you evaluate. See if her needs are compatible with yours. Then tell her what your needs are and what you miss in your marriage. Ask her if she could meet you in your needs and how things could get resolved.


You may or may not stay together. But after evaluating like I suggested, you know that you have jumped into some sound conclusions.


I wish you good luck and strength


~ SwingFox ~

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