VtecQueen Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 So I'm in an "Exclusive" I don't know if I should say "relationship". And I was just wondering what you guys thoughts where on the "exclusive" title. The dude and I decided not to have sex with anyone else, and that it's an "unofficial relationship" BUT at the same time, we are not together (dating) because he's not ready to date anyone right now. I don't know if this is good or bad. I'm kind of hopeful that things seem to be progressing. He's been hurt in the past and doesn't want to jump into a relationship. But I can't help but feel upset at the same time. His actions scream "not ready for a relationship" and that sucks to me cuz there's nothing more that I want than to be with him. Sometimes I feel like he's just keeping his options open, and I shouldn't be holding on, all kinds of negative things. We spent a lot of time together yesterday (which just makes things worse) and cuddled and watched tv. I left feeling like I was half empty and sad. And I've never felt like THAT before. It's just the strong feelings I have for him, are not as mutual as I would like them to be. I want him to be "my man" not "my friend" lol. I don't know why I do this to myself. Help!!!! Link to comment
orchidrose Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Well, it sounds like he wants to sleep with you, and only you, but isn't interested in any other sort of romantic emotions that go with a relationship. For whatever reason, he isn't interested in going there with you. I don't think he's "keeping his options open," since he only wants to be involved with you, but in terms of being emotionally invested - he's just not. I think it's going to get tougher and tougher for you to accept the fact that he doesn't want anything more than being each other's only friends with benefits. Be careful. Link to comment
ponyboy Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Main Entry: ex·clu·sive Pronunciation: \iks-ˈklü-siv, -ziv\ Function: adjective 1 a : excluding or having power to exclude b : limiting or limited to possession, control, or use by a single individual or group 2 a : excluding others from participation b : snobbishly aloof 3 a : accepting or soliciting only a socially restricted patronage (as of the upper class) b : stylish, fashionable c : restricted in distribution, use, or appeal because of expense Im gonna go with the bold lol. Link to comment
VtecQueen Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 in terms of being emotionally invested - he's just not. So what do I do? Link to comment
arsenal Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Give the relationship time to develop. If you guys are having a good time together and grow closer, his feelings can change. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Very simple, he wants to have sex with you, but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. That means that he gets all the benefits of being in a relationship, without putting in any effort. Are you willing to settle for this? Link to comment
glegend Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Exclusive mean you and the other party only date and have relations with each other and no one else. Link to comment
VtecQueen Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 Very simple, he wants to have sex with you, but doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. That means that he gets all the benefits of being in a relationship, without putting in any effort. Are you willing to settle for this? no I don't want to settle for that. I want a relationship with him. I just keep thinking that we will get a relationship eventually when he's ready. He says all the time "I don't want you just for sex" etc and he knows I like and want to be with him. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Basically, you have agreed to be his exclusive f-buddy, but you don't get the benefits of a relationship. "I'm not ready for a relationship" and "I don't just want you for sex" are a bunch of malarkey. Link to comment
gsxr104 Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Wow, this all sounds so familiar. I've never heard a girl refer to a guy as a "dude" on here before. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Wow, this all sounds so familiar. I've never heard a girl refer to a guy as a "dude" on here before. it's pretty common. Link to comment
orchidrose Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 no I don't want to settle for that. I want a relationship with him. I just keep thinking that we will get a relationship eventually when he's ready. He says all the time "I don't want you just for sex" etc and he knows I like and want to be with him. If you snoop around this board a bit, you will see that it's littered with stories of women who agreed to be FWB with me in order to have it eventually turn into a relationship. You will also see that said relationships very rarely, if ever, occur, and the women are often left feeling used, sad, and vulnerable. If you want to keep sleeping with him, go for it. But do not use it as a means to an end. It is highly doubtful, given what he wants and what you want (which are totally different things), that this will ever turn into a relationship. "When he's ready" will likely be with the next girl who comes along. Link to comment
Day_Walker Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 In this context exclusive means what you have pointed it out to be, that you two are only having sex with each other but you dont have an actual relationship, essentially its friends with benefits. You want an actual relationship with this guy but you have to understand that this isnt something that you can just stick out and he will change his mind. You have to look at this guy as one who cannot give you what youre looking for and move on. Link to comment
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