Crazyaboutdogs Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 The heart wants what it wants... Perhaps..but if the heart lies with an ex then the person should not drag someone else into the picture as second choice while they are still in love with their ex. People should learn how to live happily alone rather than settle for someone they are ambivalent about because they didn't get their first choice..and then bolt the minute their first choice crooks their finger. Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 Perhaps..but if the heart lies with an ex then the person should not drag someone else into the picture as second choice while they are still in love with their ex. People should learn how to live happily alone rather than settle for someone they are ambivalent about because they didn't get their first choice..and then bolt the minute their first choice crooks their finger. I agree. But it's hard to control men. Most of the times, they can't stand to be alone. Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 Quote: Originally Posted by D_Lish There you go then. He could be with her and because he thinks he cant have you, or because he thinks its over for good with you.... If I gave him that indication before, do you think it is less likely we will be together again soon? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 I did give him that indication before. I have changed my mind since. Haha I made this thread so I could receive advice from guys, but you are being more helpful You will find in these forums, that the guys dont seem to be very helpful And if anyone wants responses from guys, the women ALWAYS jump in....gender confusion maybe lol I think that feelings for someone new, can take time to develop and if the heart is elsewhere. For instance, about two and a half years ago I met someone and I liked this guy a lot. It didnt last however and around five months after we split, I met another guy. But I was still hung up on the ex... However I thought I'd give the new guy a chance and because I knew it was totally over with the ex. I'd say it took around FIVE months with the new guy, to be finally in a place where I didnt think of the ex anymore and I was 100% happy with the new guy. And if that ex was to return.....I'd still have remained with the new guy... I think all you can do, is to make your feelings for him known. Once he knows, he could be a guy that would return immediatley to give you another chance or he could be one of these guys who is wary of giving you a second chance and holds back.... Most people tend to act on feelings though and if there are feelings still there, he will be back... Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 But like the guy above said, I don't mean to become a sabotager of someone's relationship. I want him to come back on his own. If I let my feelings known to him explicitly, it may come accross as I am wanting him to break up with his new partner. How do I need to act to indirectly let him know I still have feelings for him and for him to come back to me by his own will if he has more feelings for me than his new partner. (Haha... gender confusion... or maybe females are just better than men ) Link to comment
d24 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 You will find in these forums, that the guys dont seem to be very helpful And if anyone wants responses from guys, the women ALWAYS jump in....gender confusion maybe lol I'm actually quite offended by this, so I hope it was in jest. If she wanted a man's perspective she should have given all the information up-front in one post, not drip-fed it out through multiple posts over several pages. I'll hazard a guess that not many men will respond because we're less likely of following a thread over several posts than women, but that’s just opinion. From the initial post it's just so.... open ended.... how could anyone give any good advice from it? Now knowing what we know, that you're the ex, that you want him back - all you need to do is make sure that he knows EXPLICITATELY that you want him back. what he chooses to do with the information is up to him. Forcing the issue or pressuring him is not the way to go about it - the only thing you can do is say "i'm willing to wait 7 days... 4 months..." whatever your personal time limit is for a response. After that you'll only feel like you're wasting time. Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 Would it seem weird to a man if someone broke up with him then wanted him back shortly after? I don't like to admit this, but I also have my pride to overcome Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 I'm actually quite offended by this, so I hope it was in jest. I am quite certain she meant it in jest Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 I will note your captalized word I wonder how I should balance explicitly letting him know and not pressuring him. I will try however. Link to comment
d24 Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 "I really wish we could try again, give me a call sometime" ball is in his court. he knows you're interested. he can call you or not. what's wrong with that? bonus points if his current gf finds the text and calls you yelling and screaming to leave her man alone. Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 "I really wish we could try again, give me a call sometime" ball is in his court. he knows you're interested. he can call you or not. what's wrong with that? bonus points if his current gf finds the text and calls you yelling and screaming to leave her man alone. That sounds perfect. The problem was that he is with someone new. Do you think it's heartless to say I want to try again knowing that he is with another partner? I suppose that has been my major problem - not knowing what to do because of the new person. Has anyone been in my shoes? How did things work out for you? Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 "I really wish we could try again, give me a call sometime" ball is in his court. he knows you're interested. he can call you or not. what's wrong with that? bonus points if his current gf finds the text and calls you yelling and screaming to leave her man alone. I just read your fine print haha... He guards his phone well so I am not worried about that Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 Another thing I must ask is, if a guy thought that his ex wanted to end things permanently but he did not want that, is it possible at all for him to object to it privately after awhile and move on without trying to change the ex's mind? If he is trying to be passive about it after some time, does that reveal the strength of his feelings for the ex? Link to comment
D_Lish Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 I was joking in regard to the gender confusion, not the bit where I said men dont seem very helpful.... Sorry, but in my time here, over a year and a half and years in which I simply lurked, I have seen lots of women seeking advice from men in the forums and far often, it's a female point of view they are hearing. I myself have started threads where I was looking for a mans opinion and very few gave it. It was more advice from women I recieved..... Take it how you want, it's what I have observed.... Link to comment
D_Lish Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 OP, you know, it really depends how you ended things, as to whether he will be back... But I have to say that in my experience and if I've had an ex who wanted me back, they usually fought to get me back and despite the fact that I'd said it was over for good. Did this guy ever try to get you back? Or did he simply move on? Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 OP, you know, it really depends how you ended things, as to whether he will be back... But I have to say that in my experience and if I've had an ex who wanted me back, they usually fought to get me back and despite the fact that I'd said it was over for good. Did this guy ever try to get you back? Or did he simply move on? He did try to convince me to stay, but my stubborness won. I don't know if he is trying to get back at me but at one stage he said that he wants to be with the new partner. Later on, he said he didn't know. Link to comment
tattoobunnie Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 If you let pride trump love, you're a fool. If you aren't clear about how you feel, why would you expect him to be clear to you. If you can't put yourself on the line about wanting him back...is he really worth it? Link to comment
useruser Posted October 19, 2009 Author Share Posted October 19, 2009 If you let pride trump love, you're a fool. If you aren't clear about how you feel, why would you expect him to be clear to you. If you can't put yourself on the line about wanting him back...is he really worth it? Your are right, I will be a fool if I let pride trump love. You are so right, how can I expect him to be clear with me when I have never been clear to him. Thanks for making me see. I need to put myself on the line because he is worth it. Link to comment
Tired Tiger Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 I was joking in regard to the gender confusion, not the bit where I said men dont seem very helpful.... Sorry, but in my time here, over a year and a half and years in which I simply lurked, I have seen lots of women seeking advice from men in the forums and far often, it's a female point of view they are hearing. I myself have started threads where I was looking for a mans opinion and very few gave it. It was more advice from women I recieved..... Take it how you want, it's what I have observed.... Hmm. Seems to me this sort of thing is perspective dependent. Case in point - my own thread in this forum back when I joined here... 3,444 views, 113 replies... only TWO (one sentence) posts from women. *shrug* Link to comment
Tigerfan Posted October 19, 2009 Share Posted October 19, 2009 Useruser, I agree that you should let him know you're interested in a reconciliation, and leave the ball in his court. I am a man btw. Let me ask you this though, are you SURE you want him back for the right reasons, or are you wanting him back just because he's with someone else now? What if he receives your proposal to reconcile, drops his new girl like a hot potato and comes running back to you. Will you STILL want him as badly then as you do now, or will the thrill of the chase be over, causing you to lose interest again? Think about this honestly before you propose a reconciliation with him. Link to comment
Zerohero Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 OP, you know, it really depends how you ended things, as to whether he will be back... But I have to say that in my experience and if I've had an ex who wanted me back, they usually fought to get me back and despite the fact that I'd said it was over for good. Did this guy ever try to get you back? Or did he simply move on? See this fighting to get ex back stuff..... I find it very misleading to a lot of people. If you get dumbed, and your ex has moved on etc, and your still there trying to get her back, you barely have a 50/50 chance. BARELY. And the whole time, you will make yourself probably look like a * * * * * * * . I dunno, just my opinion from my experiences. Life isn't like those 1950s movies anymore. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 See this fighting to get ex back stuff..... I find it very misleading to a lot of people. If you get dumbed, and your ex has moved on etc, and your still there trying to get her back, you barely have a 50/50 chance. BARELY. And the whole time, you will make yourself probably look like a * * * * * * * . I dunno, just my opinion from my experiences. Life isn't like those 1950s movies anymore. I wasnt saying that I think people should go out and fight for their exes to win them back....nor keep on fighting to win them back, even though they have moved on. In that instance, yes, you do LOSE the majority of the time... You are reading things, I didnt even say!!!! In this instance, the OP was the dumper and she hasnt moved on..... And she doesnt think her ex has moved on from her either.... And I told her, that because her ex hadnt moved on.....he may possibly try to come back at one point and like my ex did. I as the dumper, hadnt moved on either.....therefore when he came trying to win me back, he succeeded. Obviously your ex had moved on and had decided it was over between you and her.....which is why you didnt get her back. Link to comment
D_Lish Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 Hmm. Seems to me this sort of thing is perspective dependent. Case in point - my own thread in this forum back when I joined here... 3,444 views, 113 replies... only TWO (one sentence) posts from women. *shrug* Awww diddums.... Link to comment
Zerohero Posted October 20, 2009 Share Posted October 20, 2009 I wasnt saying that I think people should go out and fight for their exes to win them back....nor keep on fighting to win them back, even though they have moved on. In that instance, yes, you do LOSE the majority of the time... You are reading things, I didnt even say!!!! In this instance, the OP was the dumper and she hasnt moved on..... And she doesnt think her ex has moved on from her either.... And I told her, that because her ex hadnt moved on.....he may possibly try to come back at one point and like my ex did. I as the dumper, hadnt moved on either.....therefore when he came trying to win me back, he succeeded. Obviously your ex had moved on and had decided it was over between you and her.....which is why you didnt get her back. Well to the last comment that is yet to be known, but we will see. I'm not waiting around for her though. As far as to the rest, since she did the dumping, and she's already expressed to him that she wants him back ( I assume unless I missed a post), and he's still kinda iffy, I dunno seems like a waste. The games we play with each other, if only we could be more strait forward a lot of this stuff wouldn't not get to the level it does. Link to comment
useruser Posted October 20, 2009 Author Share Posted October 20, 2009 Well to the last comment that is yet to be known, but we will see. I'm not waiting around for her though. As far as to the rest, since she did the dumping, and she's already expressed to him that she wants him back ( I assume unless I missed a post), and he's still kinda iffy, I dunno seems like a waste. The games we play with each other, if only we could be more strait forward a lot of this stuff wouldn't not get to the level it does. Hi Zerohero, thanks for your input. (Is that a photo of Jackie Chan? ) He doesn't know my intentions yet (I will have to speak to him soon). So let's say he was iffy about it, do you think I will be wasting my time? Or do guys sometimes put on that front in the beginning to show a girl that he refuses to be seen as a pushover? Link to comment
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