Why not go for a girl who has a boyfriend?

[annie24]

Haha. Of course I wouldn't be comfortable with it. But that doesn't mean it won't happen. It will happen whether I know about it or not. So it's *my* responsibility to nurture the relationship so that she won't stray when approached by another guy.

 

Right?

 

just wondering, why are you even posting about this? you don't seem to care what people are saying, you seem to be more interested in riling them up!

 

is there an actual woman you have met who has a boyfriend, or are you just posting to get a reaction on here?

[Samedy]

image removed

[Capricorn3]

If i knew a guy who was trying to go after a girl who was already involved, i would not view his actions as courageous at all, personally. But that's how i see it.

Agreed. In fact I find it extremely off-putting and shows me their true character - not something I'm into. It doesn't impress me in the least. I'd head in the opposite direction.

 

Morals, values, a little self-respect, and respect for others, goes a long way, imo.

[solsticefall]

just a question - have you ever tried/tested this theory, did it work, and what were the results?

 

No. I'm not in a position at the moment to try. This is a bit of a thought experiment to prepare me for when I am ready. I'm trying to figure out why certain boundaries exist - whether they exist for good reason, or if they exist because hollywood and social conditioning says they should.

 

This really stems from a belief that many women stay in long-term relationships because she's too afraid of being alone, not because it's really working for her. I'm sure there's even social implications associated with an attractive woman who doesn't have a boyfriend; society, family, etc, may really pressuring her to stay. So it's less painful in the short-term for her to be with someone who is "okay" than to suffer a long stint of lonely days before finding someone who is better.

 

And those women who are legitimately happy in their relationship will politely refuse my offer.

[DN]

My daughter was at a wedding yesterday and even though she was wearing her wedding ring several single guys were hitting on her.

 

When her husband, who had to work, showed up and she greeted him with a hug and a kiss all these guys suddenly found interest in other women. As my daughter said "I guess he's more intimidating than I thought".

[Clarity]

Haha. Of course I wouldn't be comfortable with it. But that doesn't mean it won't happen. It will happen whether I know about it or not. So it's *my* responsibility to nurture the relationship so that she won't stray when approached by another guy.

 

Right?

 

That's not the point. Your topic asks "why not do it?" - well, if it's something you don't agree with, that's a pretty good reason right there.

[glegend]

That's not the point. Your topic asks "why not do it?" - well, if it's something you don't agree with, that's a pretty good reason right there.

 

You forgot something. He is arguing to do it.

[Nixee]

Why not go after someone who is taken?

 

Are you serious?

 

I can only assume the person who asks this question has never been in a loving relationship that was violated in such a way.

 

And before you come at me with "well if it is such a loving, stable relationship, then there is nothing to fear" please think again. Even very loving relationships are not impervious. Two people who love each other very much can quite easily argue and fall on hard times. Such was the case between my ex and I.

 

At a time when we needed to focus on OUR relationship... just the two of us.. a woman who had taken a liking to my ex befriended him and went after him, dealing the death blow to our relationship.

 

It was disrespectful, it was cowardly, it was highly predatory. It lacked class. Time may have shown that my ex and I would not have worked out our problems anyways. Her influence should not have been a factor.

[mrmaximum]

And those women who are legitimately happy in their relationship will politely refuse my offer.

 

This is more of a "Law of the Jungle" sort of thing. You are correct about some women simply staying because it could be safer, but that can also be said about some men. I guess what the other posters are saying is that for you to have no issue with pursuing a taken woman is that you must have little respect for the needs of others, in other words no empathy. You earlier stated that it wouldn't bother you if your girl was taken from you by a 'better' guy, if you have never had it happen to you, you therefore have no frame of reference.

 

What blueman had touched upon earlier was the green eyed monster jealousy. That it disrespectful to "hit on", "chop", or "push up" on some one else's SO. If you choose this course of action, be prepared for what could come up..or come after you.

[mrmaximum]

This^^^^^^^^

[solsticefall]

just wondering, why are you even posting about this? you don't seem to care what people are saying, you seem to be more interested in riling them up!

 

is there an actual woman you have met who has a boyfriend, or are you just posting to get a reaction on here?

 

Honestly, most women I find attractive are involved. I could talk to a girl that's right up my alley, and the fact that she has a boyfriend doesn't even get brought up until *way* later in our conversations. It's almost as if these girls are hiding the fact from me... up until they feel they have to fully disclose their situation. This has happened time and again. It's quite frustrating.

 

So I'm just trying to figure this out... so that I know how to respond when I'm ready to pursue a new relationship.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Honestly, most women I find attractive are involved. I could talk to a girl that's right up my alley, and the fact that she has a boyfriend doesn't even get brought up until *way* later in our conversations. It's almost as if these girls are hiding the fact from me... up until they feel they have to fully disclose their situation. This has happened time and again. It's quite frustrating.

 

So I'm just trying to figure this out... so that I know how to respond when I'm ready to pursue a new relationship.

 

Well, I'm not going to assume that every guy is hitting on me and say "Hi my name is ----, I'm taken" when I meet people. That would be thinking far too much of myself. In fact, i find people get annoyed if I bring up my relationship early. As if I am rubbing it in. If he comes up naturally ("oh, that reminds me of that one time my boyfriend" or "I just saw that movie with my boyfriend"), then I'll bring him up.

 

Other than that, it's awkward to just post my status out there, and again, it's assuming of me.

[solsticefall]

Alright, this is my last post - since Samedy hurt my feelings by calling me a troll.

 

So roughly 95% disagree with my question. So, if a girl is in a relationship I should not pursue her. Period.

 

If she flirts with me and then drops hints that she has a boyfriend, then I should stop flirting back.

 

And I do this because in the end I want to 1) feel that she won't leave me for someone else and 2) be a person of class, character, and integrity.

 

Except, possibly, for the 5% of the population who thinks it's okay.

 

Okay, thanks everyone for your comments.

 

Except you, Samedy. Really, just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean you can call them names! Sheesh.

[Hikapo]

Alright, this is my last post - since Samedy hurt my feelings by calling me a troll.

 

So roughly 95% disagree with my question. So, if a girl is in a relationship I should not pursue her. Period.

 

If she flirts with me and then drops hints that she has a boyfriend, then I should stop flirting back.

 

And I do this because in the end I want to 1) feel that she won't leave me for someone else and 2) be a person of class, character, and integrity.

 

Except, possibly, for the 5% of the population who thinks it's okay.

 

Okay, thanks everyone for your comments.

 

Except you, Samedy. Really, just because you don't agree with someone doesn't mean you can call them names! Sheesh.

 

You can go for her, but as an acquaintance. Keep in touch, you never know. With women, you need to judge their actions, not their words. If she is not resisting your advances, then its green light.

 

I am in a situation like that, and I will go in for the kill once she gives me the green light. Until then, I stay as acquaintance.

 

But, like most posters here have said, if she leaves her boyfriend for you, she could do the same to you. If you have a great personality and a great guy with your life together, that shouldn't be a problem.

 

 

Oh and, keep talking to other girls, so you won't get hung up on one.

[annie24]

this thread has run its course.