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Why not go for a girl who has a boyfriend?


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Why should a guy refuse to pursue or even refuse to even show interest in a girl who has a boyfriend? The more I think about it, the more it doesn't make sense to me.

 

The whole idea of dating is 1) to understand what qualities you find attractive in potential mates and 2) to find someone with the most of these qualities. Add one of life's most important principles to the equation - "don't let anything stop you from going after what you want in life" - and it leaves very few reasons to "respect the boundaries" of a girl's relationship, unless of course she truly isn't interested.

 

I have observed that many women get involved in a relationship, not because she thinks he's the best fit for her personality or that he is most congruent with her values and qualifications, but instead because of the thrill of the moment. For women (and some men), relationships are not a rational pursuit but an emotional one. She is probably wrapped up in a relationship with this guy only because he showed interest first, not because he's a better match.

 

The bottom line is that a guy has NO IDEA what is really going on in her relationship. For all he knows she could be "stuck" in a relationship with a total loser. Or she could be in a not-so-serious relationship with some guy, but still call him her boyfriend.

 

So why should she be out of bounds? Why shouldn't a guy approach her and express his interest in her anyway? After all, it could be the best thing to happen to her.

 

Thoughts?

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It's just not my style. If a man (or in your case a woman) is choosing to be with someone else, that to me means they are off limits for the dating pool. I'd rather look for someone who is single and available, it's far less complicated. (but of course none of this applies to me as I am married.)

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Because she is with someone, who she cares about and he cares about her. Why should she leave him for you?

 

I always back off when I hear that a girl has a boyfriend, because I don't want to be the other man. Although I think sometimes it's a formed excuse that every girl uses when they're not attracted to someone, regardless of whether they have a boyfriend or not.

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well its most likely just a waste of time to go after someone who is already in a relationship. But then again i guess it depends on the relationship. If they are happy and in love, or if she is "stuck" in one like you mentioned.

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R-E-S-P-E-C-T

 

I'm going through this right now. I NEVER get attention from women and this week I had someone tell me that I was a great catch and how maybe she needs someone like me. She has a BF and wanted to hangout with me...I turned her down. It wasn't easy and it's stressed me out so much but I know I did the right thing.

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Because that person is off limits. That person is with someone else, they are together with that person for certain reasons. It's human nature to always want what we cannot have.

 

There is nothing wrong in observing other people relationships, and saying to thats the kind of realtionship I want with a woman. There is also nothing wrong with saying thats the type of woman I want.

 

Bottom line is if you know the woman is in a relationship then you totally back off. Respect, is the key word here and it has been mentioned above. Thats what needs to be donem, respect that she is in a relationship. Doesn't matter what kind of relationship it is, even if it's falling apart.

 

Now if you don't know the woman is dating someone, then showing interest is alright since you are unaware of her dating life. But once you find out if she is seeing someone then thats when you have to back off.

 

Like the first reply states, you could get seriously hurt. People in this world are crazy and you don't know what they will dol. Some may take your interest in their partner and kind of appreciate it, and boost their ego up and give them the mentality that they have something that you don't and cannot have. While others may be packing a gat and come and bust a cap in you @$$.

 

Two years ago, my cousin was wokring at this resto-lounge. On boxing day this group of people came in for drinks. One of the guys had just proposed to his girlfriend the day before (christmas) so they came to celebrate with some friends. Well a random guy came up and started flirting with the girl (that was getting married) and her and her friends told the guy to back off and he said why, and they told him she was taken. Well the asked who the fiancee was and went and stabbed the guy. The guy died. This is a good example how crazy people are in this world.

 

I know this situation that I described above is a little differnt, but it easily shows you how one person can go off and injur somone over a girl. Change the situation, in which you show interest and pursue the girl and her boyfriend find out. The the boyfriend gets upset, and eventhough you know this is happening you still pursue. Well the boyfriend comes and confronts you, it could go either one of two way (1) Conversation (2) Physical Violence. Lets say he chooses option number two. He attacks you and breaks a few bones in your body, or he stabs you, or pulls out a gat and busts a cap in your @$$. Now is that worth it over a skirt?

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A few reasons:

 

1) Respect for the feelings of others. My conscience wouldn't allow me to actively pursue someone else's significant other.

 

2) The realization that I would want someone else to respect MY relationship by not pursuing my partner; I'm not a very religious person, but I do subscribe to the "treat others how you would like to be treated" adage.

 

3) Whatever you want to call it -- karma, divine retribution, what goes around comes around, etc. -- things DO have a way of coming back to bite us in the butt. I can't prove it scientifically, but I have seen it SO many times, in my own life as well as other peoples'.

 

4) If the person did leave his significant other for me, I would always wonder if he would leave me too if the situation presented itself -- i.e. if some other woman pursued him.

 

 

I was actually in this situation -- my ex and his previous ex had reconciled, and they were going through a rocky period, and he was pursuing me to some degree. I love him very much, and REALLY wanted to be with him, but...I knew I couldn't allow anything to happen between us while they were still together. I even avoided any deep conversations with him -- particularly about his relationship -- because I didn't want to fall into the trap of him emotionally cheating with me.

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Two years ago, my cousin was wokring at this resto-lounge. On boxing day this group of people came in for drinks. One of the guys had just proposed to his girlfriend the day before (christmas) so they came to celebrate with some friends. Well a random guy came up and started flirting with the girl (that was getting married) and her and her friends told the guy to back off and he said why, and they told him she was taken. Well the asked who the fiancee was and went and stabbed the guy. The guy died. This is a good example how crazy people are in this world.

 

holy smokes!!!!!!!! that is awful! what a tragedy! yes, there are some seriously crazy people out there.

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The bottom line is that a guy has NO IDEA what is really going on in her relationship. For all he knows she could be "stuck" in a relationship with a total loser. Or she could be in a not-so-serious relationship with some guy, but still call him her boyfriend.

 

And then there's the other side of the coin you're ignoring where everything is peaches and cream. Either way, it doesn't matter. The fact is, she's with someone else. If she's unhappy, then she should be adult enough to remove herself from the relationship as opposed to have some guy "rescue" her by inserting himself into the picture.

 

But then again, you might thrive on drama, in which case breaking up a relationship would have little to no consequence.

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I have observed that many women get involved in a relationship, not because she thinks he's the best fit for her personality or that he is most congruent with her values and qualifications, but instead because of the thrill of the moment. For women (and some men), relationships are not a rational pursuit but an emotional one. She is probably wrapped up in a relationship with this guy only because he showed interest first, not because he's a better match.

 

Why do you want a girl like that???

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I don't see anything wrong with going for someone that is taken. People are beings possessing free will, not possessions that can be stolen.

 

Why waste the time chasing after someone who is taken? Especially, if they are in a happy relationship. Why spoil something good that they have going on for them? Why not just move on, approach differnt women, but stay under the radar just in case something does happen in the relationship where you can rebound?

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I don't see anything wrong with going for someone that is taken. People are beings possessing free will, not possessions that can be stolen.

 

And if they willingly choose to do the wrong thing, who wants a person like that?

 

Who wants someone who leaves their partner for someone else? Who wants someone who is emotionally unstable like that?

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Doyathink: If that is really you in your profile picture, then I have to tell you that I think you look gorgeous.

 

Why should I respect her boyfriend? What has he done to earn my respect? It is totally different is she were dating a friend of mine.

 

The way I see it, if she could be happier with me than with him then what's the problem? She wins, I win. Yes, her boyfriend loses the girl - but isn't it likely that they wouldn't have worked out anyway? Since she found something in me that he didn't have. Yes he cares about her, but why should that stop me from winning?

 

Why should I forfeit a game because someones feelings might get hurt???

 

Likewise if she was my girlfriend and she found someone else that clicked with her more than me. Yes, it's a cruel world. But isn't it better to be aware that it's a cruel world and still actively participate than to passively let good things in life pass by?

 

Lastly, I have no illusions that other men would go after *my* girlfriend (if I had one), disrespecting those same boundaries. That's why it's my responsibility to maintain said relationship so that she doesn't stray.

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Another thing is that a lot of guys would not take kindly to having their girlfriend be hit on. Would you rather have a girlfriend or a black eye?

 

Haha. Well, I guess I'd have to figure out whether or not I'd win that fight before going after the girl. If he's a gym rat then I might pass. But if he's a scrawny little pretty-boy, then I wouldn't worry about it.

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Why should I respect her boyfriend? What has he done to earn my respect? It is totally different is she were dating a friend of mine.

 

well, why not respect her bf, too? Just because you don't know him personally, doesn't mean he deserves no respect?

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