20, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin

[NathanielR]

Ok I am a total freak... There has got to be something wrong with me...it's as if I'm cursed or something...

 

I can't believe I've reached 20 and still have never had a girlfriend, and am still a virgin.... No one believes me when I tell them.. It's not even as if girls don't find me attractive either... I'm good looking, funny, nice, intelligent, well educated, self confident, I have a great body, ..and I'm an actor... But I just never seem to meet anyone..

 

This last month I briefly dated a girl, but it turned out I was a sort of rebound, cause she got back together with her ex as soon as he decided he wanted her back.. Then I fooled this other girl, but lost contact with her the next day... niether of us had each others numbers... Every damn girl I meet or work with on set flirts with me.. My best friend turned out to be madly in love with me, but when I found out she had left the country.... I mean god dammit!!!! What the hell is wrong with me???

 

Basicaly my problem is I think, that because I hardly ever meet single girls, who'm i'd like to date, I always run after the first person I find,, regardless of whether they'd be right for me or not...and then I end up chasing them for months, even when I know will ever happen!

 

Where do you meet people?? I wish I knew!! I wish I knew how to meet people outside of my acting world...

[reinvented21]

Dating websites are really good.

[johnagent1911]

Well, I'm a actor here in Florida but I'm in college so it's easy to meet people. One thing I've noticed is that we don't have a problem talking to girls(or people in general.) but moving into the next level is what I always had a problem with(Something falls through.). I know where you're coming from, it's like you have some type of unexplained luck. I had missed a bunch of girls because I never knew they liked me until it was too late or even didn't act on it. It's really had to find 'nice' girls that aren't taken. It really is. What I do is meet some girls that aren't single be their friend to get to their friends.

[Nifty_Swifty1]

You sound a lot like me. There isn't anything wrong with you... ether that or there is something really wrong with the both of us Things work out in time.

 

Have fun and God bless

 

and by the way Welcome to enotalone

[RustHarold]

Heh, I'm 25 and have never even kissed a girl. I think I have some serious intimacy problems.

[NathanielR]

you know, i'm really sorry to hear that... That's horrible..

 

You must be a strong person to have made it that long... Cause I know i'm not going to make it that far.. My life is so unhappy... I barely have any friends, and the ones i do have are scattered accross the globe.. My familys tiny... I have no contact with anyone except my parents, who've recently sepperated... And who'm I've never been close to...

 

I can't hack it.. There's nothing good in my life... There's never been anything good in my life.. There's never been a single period in my life when I've been able to say I was happy... Only bad things have ever happened to me..

 

And now after all of that, i've found myself with no friends, no family and no one special in my life... I'd rather be dead than alone... And i've been alone for as long as Ican remember...

 

I wish things could have been different.

 

I'm gonna wait till i'm 21... try my hardest to stay possitive till then... try my hardest to find somebody. But if i'm still like this by then, I know i'm going to drift into a deeper and deeper depression... And I don't want that.. I don't want that life..

 

sorry.... I don't even know why i'm writing this.... there's no point to it! sorry.

[RandomFellow]

NathanielR, I'm almost 27, and I too have never kissed someone before (at least on the lips). I've dated a fair amount of girls over the last couple of years, but I've never been with anyone longer than a month (and that was the very first person I dated years ago, I've never gone on more than 3 dates with anyone since then).

 

I'm fairly good-looking and funny, but I have a number of health problems that have gotten worse over the last two years or so that really make me feel physically uncomfortable a great deal of the time. I've seen a number of doctors and tried all sorts of different medication, and nothing has been helping me at all. I can't tell you the number of times I've gotten into deep depressions before feeling like nothing was going my way when it came to women (I always wonder how other people manage to get together so easily, and I used to wonder when it would be my turn to get together with someone), so I know where you're coming from. I still tend to get into deep depressions now, moreso because of my health issues than anything else--I often get so much physical discomfort that I don't even like going out anymore, so I'm not going to be meeting anyone special until my problems go away, which they don't seem like they ever will.

 

Enough about me, though. I really don't know why I'm writing this, too, except that I think there's still a lot of hope for you (and for me, too, for that matter). You're still really young, so don't worry about being past the average age that kids lose their virginity (losing it early is definitely nothing to brag about). From my experience, I can tell you this, too: I'm always happiest when I'm not trying to go out of my way to meet or get involved with someone. This will sound rather cliche, but if you concentrate on something that you really enjoy (a hobby, music, art, sport, etc.), you will be much more likely to successfully meet someone special. Also, since you're depressed a lot, don't pass up the idea of counseling. I know it can be rather scary thinking about getting counseling at a young age, but it can really help (and if you get help and think it's not working, see somebody new!). If you're in school, you probably have free counseling services available to you, so take advantage of them.

 

It sounds like you have a lot going on right now and don't really have anyone to talk to, so I highly encourage you to try to seek counseling to help out with your home/parents situation. Heck, at the very least, use the forums here to say what's on your mind and get some advice! It can't hurt.

 

I hope this helps. Please let us know how you're doing.

 

RandomFellow

[snoopyjp]

Yes I know what this is all about. The same: 20 y, no kiss and no girlfriend.

 

I am tired and I want to change AND I WILL CHANGE.

 

For all of us in the same situation LET'S CHANGE!!! WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO LOSE.

 

Tomorrow classes will be over and if I don't try my chance will be over too and I will be alone until the next semester. I DON'T WANT THAT TO HAPPEN... AGAIN !!!

 

So, tomorrow I will talk, I will try, I WILL DO IT.

 

Again, THERE IS NOTHING TO LOSE. I expect a no, but there is little chance for a yes, and that is worth the pain.

 

PLEASE, LET'S ALL TRY.

 

 

 

Tomorrow...

 

 

 

 

T R Y !

[Belinda]

Hey guess what, most relationships you have when youre young dont work out. From what i have seen, most young relationships are more often than not lust out of curiosity and in a time when you havent even found yourself, youre supposed to share yourself with someone else.

in ways youre lucky, you missed out on the immature hassels of youth relationships.

Just be patient, all good things come to those who wait.

 

Seriously, if you keep putting sex and kissing on such a pedistal youre either going to become very shallow, or be sorly disappointed.

 

Being 20 and not being kissed doesnt mean you have nothing to offer, but are simply looking in the wrong places. Its not rare at all, I know tonns of people in your situation. Dont let the media and your peers make you believe otherwise, its not somthing you want to rush.

My tip? Stop looking for and forcing love.

 

...then you'll find it.

[Caldus]

Don't worry about it, I'm 19 and never even been on a date. You're not losing any kind of "race" here. A lot of guys are in your situation.

 

By the way, Belinda's post is excellent. Make sure you read that if you haven't yet!

[RyanA1084]

Hey all, don't give up hope! I was in the same situation as of last fall, but I finally realized that I had to confront my fears, and take a risk. I asked out a girl I liked and we ended up having a serious realtionship. See a girl you think you like? Go do something about it. I found another site that's really great for boosting confidence and giving the right mindset. link removed Some of their advice is a bit harsh, but there's some really good stuff there for setting you on the right track. Good luck

[Shinobie]

I was starting to feel better lately but then all of a sudden it felt like some depression came back.I mean all most girls think is how does he look or something and that.Like most of the time for me liek at work today there was a couple of girls sitting at a table and like usual they will look at me once or twice and then never look again because im prolly ugly or something but my friend is lucky and theyn keep looking back at him because hes good looking prolly.Telling the waitresses that hes cute and stuff.Like i overheard the girl i liek talkign about some conert she went to saying that she saw some guy that was so hot.I mean is it something u girls just liek to talk about or do u only like a guy if hes really hot to u.

[Shinobie]

Iono that site u gave us ryan isnt that good for boosting confience by looking at the forums..In the high school forum all there is is teenagers talking about their girlfriends and saying hat a rocking time they had at the prom.ill just keep looking around because i dont feel like reading on peoples better girl situations =/

[NightLily]

Well, it seems to be that there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. In fact, quite the opposite. In my opinion, if all that you say is true, you are quite the catch. And actually, if you look in the right places, there are quite a few girls who would do just about anything to get a guy who had not lost his virginity. So don't feel down about that It could actually HELP you in the end. Maybe you should just set a rule for yourself that if you think it is going to go no where or if they are attatched, to just say "no" right away before you get yourself in the position where you are hoplessly chasing them?

 

Just get out there and have fun. I'm sure that when the time comes, you'll meet somebody. ^_^

[guitargirl]

Well, it seems to me that you have a big head. It also seems to me like you are trying to use this site to get a girl. Whatever man!

Best Regards,

**Hannah**

[Outlaw2747]

Hey guys, don't even worry about it. Even though I have a girlfriend now (only been together for less than a month) and had three others, I have NEVER EVER been on a date.....I don't consider having your friends going with you to the mall a date. So I have no idea how it's like being one-on-one with the one you love. And I never kissed passionately until less than a month ago. Have patience, it is something I have learned, because if you rush, you will probably end with with the wrong girl. And I'm telling you, there are PLENTY of wrong choices out there. It's all good fellas, hang in there cuz it ain't too bad....

[RandomFellow]

I mean all most girls think is how does he look or something and that.

.

.

.

Like i overheard the girl i liek talkign about some conert she went to saying that she saw some guy that was so hot.I mean is it something u girls just liek to talk about or do u only like a guy if hes really hot to u.

 

I hate to tell you this Shinobie, but most guys are that way, too. ESPECIALLY at your age. So don't worry about it too much.

 

It does sound like you're in the midst of a bad depression right now though, so I'd suggest seeking out a counselor, a parent, or any trusted adult for that matter so that you have someone to talk to. Your self esteem seems to be suffering right now, and it really sounds like you could use someone to help you out and help boost your self confidence. You'd be surprised how many girls would notice you then if you're happy, smiling, and self-confident all the time.

[RandomFellow]

Hey guys, don't even worry about it. Even though I have a girlfriend now (only been together for less than a month) and had three others, I have NEVER EVER been on a date.....

 

Er... just curious Outlaw, do you and your girlfriends just talk on the phone all the time? You never even do something as simple as just going out and getting something to eat? That's a date, bud.

 

No movies ever either?

[Outlaw2747]

My first two girlfriends was when I attended high school and they both lived kinda far from me. But I would walk with them, study with them, go to private places (like during lunch or something) to go chill, but I never took any of them out. I wasn't able to due to our distance. The girls in my neighborhood are stupid as hell. My third girlfriend I got on my tour in Korea. We went out a few times, but it was always with another couple. This is because in Korea, if you leave post, you are required to have a "battle buddy" (another person on post) so I never had a ONE-ON-ONE date. The girlfriend I have now....we only met in person for a week or so and this was at a college campus in the middle of nowhere though we did eat together all the time and go to shows and whatnot. But that's on campus and I wouldn't call that an actual date either because we truly didn't "go out". Now I am back in Korea and she is missing me real bad; it'll be several months before I get back. And nope, no movies either. As for the girls only looking for hot guys.....that's so damn shallow....but guys to it too....ALOT. Think about it though, most guys who do this, probably used to be the type that wasn't so shallow until they got treated like trash. Now to them, looks is the only thing that matters. Girls straight up look for "hot" guys, who are usually jerks and get them heartbroken. My bad, we gone off the subject, this is about people who are young and worried about being virgins......don't worry I only lost my virginity at 19 a few days before my birthday. What about y'all?

[NightHunter30]

I happy i find this topic it make my feel better!

 

I am in the same boat. I am 23 never been kiss, date, or have sex! image removed

[Outlaw2747]

It is never too late people. I mean sure, life could end at any time but in the long run does it matter? There are lots of "great things" you possibly have missed out on besides love, sex, etc. So don't let anyone rush y'all into this. it took me 20 years to find who I really want to be with. If you rush it, things will only get bad. Take things at YOUR pace and not because some peer told you to do so.

[Million Dead]

HAY! this is hell good... i thought it was extremely rare for me, a 17 year old (18 in a few months) to have never had a girlfriend/kiss/hug/date etc, especially with this generations' wildness and outgoing circumstances. oh, and don't worry... i'm sure you'll find your girl soon mate. (i sure hope i do)

[johnagent1911]

Girls are just girls and sex is just sex... Nothing more. Nothing to worry about gents... I don't have a girlfriend either, but I'm not letting that get to me. Hell I asked a girl out and she accepted but I blew it later that night... Heh long story. Don't worry about it too much.

[darkwing]

I am 25 and have never had a girlfriend. Soon after I turned 24 I went to a psychiatrist/counsellor for advice but she wasn't much help. Later that year I was kissed on the lips (no tongue) and had sex with a prosititute. The frustration and curiosity just built up until the opportunity presented itself and I found a hooker and paid her. I also went down on her and fingered her because I wanted to know what it was like. The sex wasn't good. There was no feeling because of the condom. She had to give me a hand job to make me come. Then it was over. She wanted me to stay a while in the brothel but I just felt like leaving and I was extremely worried for a few weeks afterwards because I thought I may have contracted something after having gone down on her. It's possible to contract hiv from oral sex but it is unlikely. I took an std test about 2 weeks after the incident. It covered everything from ghonerrea to hiv and all came back negative. It's now about 6 months so I took the hiv test again just to make sure and am now waiting for the results.

 

The things I regret are:

I had unprotected oral sex since it cause me an immense amount of worry.

And that I had never had a girlfriend (or sex) before. If I had had a girlfriend I would not have wanted to blow my load in a prostitute.

I didn't plan or choose the occasion very well. If you're going to have sex with a prositute it makes sense to check the place out first and make sure you're comfortable with it and the environment is a no pressure one. The place I went to was like the McDonalds of brothels.

 

The upside is:

I'm not that curious about sex (still curious about love though) and don't have as much difficulty sleeping. I used to wake up at nights like at 2 or 3 am wondering why I was 24 and never had a girlfriend, what was I doing wrong etc...

 

Since then I've met a female who has done more for my self confidence than anyone else, although she doesn't realize it. For various reasons we won't develop a relationship beyond being friends.

[dude123]

Im 18 never had a girlfriend yet. I try not to let that get to me. I have been on a couple of dates with girls that I like. The last date that I was on was 4 months ago. I was so confident about it that I thought that it was all going to work. Guess what guys it didn't so now Im still left waiting o well maybe my time will come soon. I'll be looking around waiting for that time to come.