Does the dumpee or the dumper contact the other to be a friend?

[minute]

Just looking for opinion -

 

I was dating a guy quite full on for just under 3 months. We stopped seeing each other very suddenly, a few weeks ago. Essentially he said he was confused about how he felt about me and I felt that he was simply 'not that into me' and was unwilling to wait around to be hurt. I have very strong opinions regarding sleeping with a person when you aren't sure if you like them and I said I was willing to keep dating but I would not be sleeping with him whilst this 'confusion' was an issue for him. He decided it was time to call it a day. I reluctantly agreed, dignity intact.

 

We have now expressed a mutual desire to be friends, via email. I suggested it and he has responded very happily.

 

I think we probably could make good friends for each other, as a large factor of our relationship breakdown was that there was possibly not enough chemistry there to begin with (he said he felt his feelings were not getting stronger for me and I was not feeling physically connected to him at all, the kissing was bad and the sex took work) so I dont feel that there would be underlying chemistry issues..

 

But - who initiates friendly activities? If I contact him, he might think I am chasing him but if he contacts me, is he going to be scared that I will think he wants to date me?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Since you were the one to open the door to friendship only I would suggest you sending a friendly email and then see what his move is next. Some people agree to friendship just to be polite but have no intentions of following through with it. So take the initiative and see where he goes with it.

[doiiiieeezie]

It's only been a few weeks? Let it be for now... I mean he could be a good friend to hang out with in the future but really friends don't try as hard as relationships would.

[lavenderdove]

I just send him little friendly updates on what is going on with you, without any attempts to see each other. Just use the model of the kind of emails you'd send to family or other friends, with no special attention, and no more frequently than you'd send to other friends.

 

Also, don't see him one on one for a while. Invite him to a party or out in groups of friends, but not to any 'date' like situations.

[BriarRose]

I would try to let it go. Probably as soon as he meets someone else you will no longer hear from him.

[In the Dark]

Hmmm.

Any alterior motives to being his friend?

Like maybe getting back together in the future?

[minute]

Nah, i don't want to be romantically involved with him.. It was lovely in his company, but not very fulflling emotionally. He appeared to have a much much lower sex drive than me and it was beginning to make feel rejected and unnattractive so no, I dont think I would go there again. I also firmly believe that a lot of our issues came from him actually not being very sexually attracted to me, so I think he would rule out getting back together too. But I really loved his company and talking and spending time together, so I would like to have him in my life..

 

Naive or evolved and grown up? ha.

[georgia_alaska]

From personal experience, there is a good chance you may get hurt by "just being friends" Its happening to me right now. When you do wanna hang out, you'll be stood up quite a few times!! Trust Me!! Unless you truly have no feelings left at all for him, then maybe being stood up wouldn't hurt as bad!!