CSG Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 My boyfriend of 5 months broke up with me because he "doesn't think he can love me." We work so good together, and we always have a blast with everything. It was completely spur of the moment. He had told me a week before he broke up with me that he wanted to go home and think about what he wanted. I was so confused for a whole week, and we didn't speak for more than an hour total the entire time. I've experienced many deaths, and crazy things throughout my life that have made loving people much easier for me. I knew that when we met, I was going to fall hard for him. When he said he needed out of the relationship I cried, and left. He told me he hasn't cried in years, and lately that's all he does. I'm his first serious girlfriend, and his first partner. I know that was a big deal for him, and it was very special. I'm so sick without him, and I need him in my life. I know that it's hard for him to love. He calls his dad "dude" and I never hear him tell his dad "I love you" when he hangs up or anything. I know he feels it, but he may also be going through a transitional time in his life. I treat him like a King, and all I get is this. We talked yesterday for the first time, and it was so hard. He wants to see me, and he said he never wants me out of his life. He told me I'm the one person he can go to with anything, and since the breakup he's felt it slipping away. I want to know what to do? I feel like we're too far into this to back out now. I know he's scared, that's something I can feel. I know he's afraid to become vulnerable, and put himself out there because he doesn't want to get hurt. I'm so in love with him, that I will do anything to make it work. Link to comment
EQD Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 give him space. absolute space. tell him you arent going to contact him unless he wants to talk. Link to comment
waveseer Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 It can only work if both of you are ready, willing, and able to stay involved. Link to comment
happylady Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Here is my opinion on the matter. I tend to be a bit upfront on things so you will either appreciate it or wont like it at all and if you dont my apologies in advance. He sounds like the type that wants what he can't have. If you really want to stay with someone who gave up on you (I still can't understand what you love within the 5 months you have known him unless you have known him as a friend for longer before hand) then play the stupid love game cause that is what he wants. Tell him that you cant see him cause you are hanging with your friends and/or going on a blind date or something. Flip the script on him and have him try to get your attention instead of the other way around. Just to let you know though once he feels he totally has you again he will want to move on so this will be hard work. Me myself, I prefer someone who wants to be with me no matter what and will return my love and respect times 2! Also try not to let a man be your only outlet for happiness... Do things, go places on your own. You were happy before him and if you werent then maybe that is something to look at? Dont get me wrong, I know it is hard to walk away from someone that you have "gotten used to". Whenever you feel like you "love" someone ask yourself this one question. Would you die for them? Took me about 2 years to realize I loved my current boyfriend. Love is a strong word. Make sure you are using it on the right person. Link to comment
thejigsup Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 When it comes to things like this, men generally mean what they say. If a man says they aren't in love with you, take it to the bank, they don't love you. I learned this lesson the hard way. Women may vaccilate on things like this, but men don't. I used the same psychology you are using at one time. "Hmmm...we have fun together, we work well together, the sex is great, of course he loves me, he just won't let himself feel it!" Nope, I was wrong. He didn't love me and never did. Sad, but I learned a lot with that one, and a couple of others. Link to comment
lonely rose Posted September 23, 2009 Share Posted September 23, 2009 My bf recently broke up with me for the exact same reason - he said he could not find himself falling in love with me. It hurt me so much as I am in love with him, and thought he was not sure of his feelings for me but it never occurred to me he did not love me. I am sorry you had to go through this. At least in your case he wants to be together so maybe he does have feelings he's scared to acknowledge. Link to comment
newsinglegal Posted October 12, 2009 Share Posted October 12, 2009 i am experiencing the same thing! the guy of 5 months i was seeing just left me bec he said he almost feels like we are more like friends and he cant see himself falling in love with me which hurts like crazy bec i fell in love with him so hard! he wanted to try being friends but he saw i was in love and now he cant even be friends with me. for us the problem was in the bedroom. i was not able to orgasm and he took it too personally...even though i told him i loved him. but like the other posts says...guys are pretty black and white for the most part...they may change their mind later on...but for the most part what they say is what they mean....good luck...and know you are not alone! Link to comment
confused1602 Posted September 17, 2011 Share Posted September 17, 2011 I am so confused now. I have been with this guy for about 7 months now, and he told me he doesn't love me at this moment. I said to him that I am not going to see him anymore, going to delete his numbers. He cried in front of me and begged me don't do that. Both of us cried this morning when we were talking about break up. He told me it's hard for him to feel in love because he was hurt in his first love. Shall I still give hope on him? Or I shall try forget about him?I need some helps. Link to comment
gretcheng Posted October 29, 2013 Share Posted October 29, 2013 i am experiencing the same thing! the guy of 5 months i was seeing just left me bec he said he almost feels like we are more like friends and he cant see himself falling in love with me which hurts like crazy bec i fell in love with him so hard! he wanted to try being friends but he saw i was in love and now he cant even be friends with me. for us the problem was in the bedroom. i was not able to orgasm and he took it too personally...even though i told him i loved him. but like the other posts says...guys are pretty black and white for the most part...they may change their mind later on...but for the most part what they say is what they mean....good luck...and know you are not alone! hi dear, i'm so surprise to see this message, and it's so so same as my current situation, and problem is, i would really fall in love with him and in my past experereince i never had orgasm in my life, but he just feel he can't love me and start to sleep with somebody else...on one hand, this man i'm very disappointed only pissed off about me for this problem, on the other hand, i want to check out and explore myself how can i reach this point and don't want my future man failed this again due to this reason...how did you handled in the end? really hope to hear from you. Link to comment
themandate Posted June 7, 2015 Share Posted June 7, 2015 Hi, I am in a similar sitution but havent lost hope yet. I would like to know if you know the whereabouts of this guy you're talking about and if he is dating someone. Or he's incapable of dating altogether. Also, how did you deal with it. Link to comment
No1 Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 Confused: with your post its quite easy to figure out. He doesn't see a future with you. He doesn't want to say "I love you" because he knows that if he does there is no way out. So he is keeping that off the table to keep his options open, but don't worry, you are currently #1 on his list. Once he finds his dream girl, you will be #2. I think he is buying time and by not saying I love you gives him more time. Being hurt by his first love is a convenient excuse that he is hiding behind. CSG: Almost the same thing with you. It takes two people to make one relationship work. As of now, he checked out of the relationship. And let me see if I get this right. He doesn't say "I love you" very much but he does know enough about it to have sex with you. I don't know if his backround has anything to do with it, but I want to ask you.. This guy runs away from problems, you are not the type to do that. Do you really want to be with a guy that is going to run every time there is a problem? Or do you want a guy who will work things out with you? He solves things by avoiding or getting rid of them not by working them out. Im going to tell you that you don't need him, you don't need a guy to make you happy. We guys need you more than you need us. If he is willing to give you up so easy what do you think would happen in the future? You are in love with the idea of him being the perfect partner, but he is not. I know you love him but love is not the answer to everything. His heart is not in the relationship regardless what he says.. He just doesn't want you to meet anyone. If the advise here was "Let him go" you are not going to do that. So the next thing would be that you just have to let him figure things out on his own. If he needs space and you love him that much, then you let him see a life without you. He has to be the one that comes to you, not you going to him. He knows you want him so don't worry about that. It takes two to work, let him figure out how to make things work. Link to comment
jimthzz Posted June 8, 2015 Share Posted June 8, 2015 A girlfriend of mine when I was really young, 18, couldn't wrap her head around the idea that I was enthusastic about making her climax in bed and not in love with her. She insisted that that was impossible as only an 18-year-old girl can insist. I liked her well enough, but it was way too soon in my life to be in love in the way that she felt and thought I did since she felt it. Life lesson for us both. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.