susie198 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 My ex has broken up with me three times in the last two years, the last time, three weeks ago. The first week was tough, the second better, although I had a bit of a downer when he contacted me last Thursday. I spent yesterday thinking about it and felt much better today. So much so that I unblocked him on msn tonight and got my closure conversation. I have accepted this relationship is over and so I told him that. He was very interested in my dating activity. I told him that I had dated once, but didn't fancy the guy, but I was moving on. He seemed upset by this, although he tried to hide it. We talked about what went wrong. We both I think got to say what we thought. He was upset with me last Thursday. He had called me and I had told him I didn't think us talking on the phone was a good idea. We needed to end contact for a while. He snapped at me and slammed the phone down when I said this - I asked him why. He said he didn't know why but that it upset him. I think because he interprets it as me not caring. I explained that I did care, I loved him, but I had accepted the relationship had ended and it would be better for me to heal to cut off contact for now. I told him that just because I date someone, it does not mean I forget about him, and vica versa, but we've had long enough to make it work between us. That hasn't happened, so we need to move on now. I told him that the only time he should contact me was if he felt he wanted to try and work things out and he had something new to bring to the table. If he did that, we'd have to see where I was at that stage (he knows I'm a quick healer) and we could take it from there. The door may be open or it may be closed. That is up to destiny. He accepted that, although I suspect he will try and contact me again and I'll have to repeat my message. The funny thing is, I don't want him back. It just seems too much like hard work. Since we broke up, I've had tough days (I had a particularly bad one when he broke NC initially last week), but I've also had good days and been able to get some clarity on just how unhappy I was in this relationship. I feel calmer and better when I'm out of it. Right now, I feel that if we were to go back together I'm not sure I would. At a push, I would only date him on a non exclusive basis. The rules would be very different. I've learned I gave far too much of myself and there are many men out there who I might be compatible with. He would not be a big part of my life anymore. Funny how time heals and changes your perspective - if you'd asked me three weeks ago if I would go back with him, my answer would have been very different. I'd have begged for the chance. Now, I could take it or leave it. In fact, I think I'd be wiser to leave it. Lol. He has now been re-blocked and deleted from msn. I've got the closure I need. Anyone else having an epiphany? Susie Link to comment
EmmyEm84 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 My relationship also ended 3 weeks ago. Ive been a wreck since it ended. Ive had my weak moments where I dream that he will come back to me but its nice to have friends by you who say "if you take him back you are a moron" to knock you back to reality... lol. Link to comment
susie198 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Yeah, I don't know where I'd be without my friends. They are sooo important to me too. I hope you feel better very soon. My healing time is normally longer - 6 - 8 weeks before I pick myself up and brush myself down. This one is different because we'd broken up twice before - there are only so many tears you can shed over one man lol. Susie Link to comment
Comrade Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Oh yes, I had an epiphany today. You can read my thread for the full story, but basically what happened was my ex texted me (breaking NC for only the second time in a month) and asked if I was dating her roommate (I'm not), and told me that I shouldn't date her roommate just to hurt her. This is coming from an ex who dumped me and got in a long term relationship with another guy right after we broke up. I didn't reply, I'm not going to play her games anymore. What I realized at that moment was that she is a selfish, insecure, and manipulating woman. She was not this way during the relationship, but she has changed. I am actually very glad that she sent that text. It has really helped me move on and realize that I don't want to be with her unless she changes back to who she was during the relationship. Now, if you had asked me yesterday if I would take her back, I would have said yes. Susie, I think we are in a very similar situation. Feels good, doesn't it? Link to comment
susie198 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Sure does Comrade! Link to comment
mcgirl Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 I'm glad I read your post Susie. It gives me a way of thinking to aspire to. My b/f and I broke up a week ago tomorrow and this first week of NC and dealing with it all has been very rough. I'm still at the point where I would get back with him, even though I was getting increasingly unhappy w/his behavior in our relationship. With some more distance and luck, I can hopefully be as strong as you are 3 weeks in. Link to comment
susie198 Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Hey mcgirl, hang in there. I sooo know where you're coming from. The first week is horrible. The shock, the disbelief, the bargaining, the trying to get them to change their mind, to work it out with you. Then the slowly dawning realisation that they don't want to - and the waves of grief that follow. The good thing is, you're past the worst of it. And even now, after only a week, you're beginning to think about you - about how unhappy you were. That's brilliant! Go girl!! Link to comment
Rob1000 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Not sure about an epiphany but I do know I'd be a moron to go back with her!! Go you! Link to comment
quirky Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Well, my ex had lots of them epiphanies but the last one that was "different" was that he now understands what love is. Around that time I started reading "he's just not that into you" and I had my OWN epiphany. No matter what he said anymore I simply couldn't believe it and it was easier to walk away. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Well, my ex had lots of them epiphanies but the last one that was "different" was that he now understands what love is. Around that time I started reading "he's just not that into you" and I had my OWN epiphany. No matter what he said anymore I simply couldn't believe it and it was easier to walk away. My ex never had that epiphany. Some people are just incapable of love. Link to comment
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