Please help. I want him back more than anything.

[eleniebby]

Me and my ex broke up 4 months ago. He broke up with me because we fought too much. Since then, we've been casually dating and he had told me he still loved me and that he wanted to get back together and we would - when the time was right. We were having sex and we acted as though we were a couple. We still had fights here and there, but we always got through them. Today we got into a tiny argument because he had been ignoring me for awhile now. A while after we had the argument he texted me and said:

 

"I've been thinking and im doing good in school. I just wanna do my own thing and be stressfree so do whatever you want. You're free."

 

After living off the hope that maybe we'd get back together, I was devastated when he told me this. I called him and asked for an explanation. I find it so hard to believe that after months of leading me on and telling me we'd get back together, he would change his mind at last minute like that. When I asked him why he didn't wanna be with me since I know it had nothing to do with school, he didn't answer. He just called me annoying and pretty much made it clear that we're done for good and we'll never be back together. I can't stop crying. I feel so used by him and I just feel so crappy. I don't know how to deal. I want him back so bad. Is he really done this time? Has anyone ever gone through this and then gotten back with an ex? I don't know what to think after he told me what he did. Especially since he still showed me affection and always told me he loved me. Please help.

[bravebird]

I can't give definite answers to any of your questions but this much I believe:

You asked if he was really done this time. I believe that is more up to you than him. What he is/was giving you is not how you deserve to be treated. As long as you are willing to to be his FWB, he will likely not refuse. How old are the two of you? It is hard to accept when the feelings we have for someone aren't reciprocated in the way we want them to be. Whatever you do from here on out--don't act on impulse. I strongly urge NC and just give yourself time to step back. Force yourself! Don't call him or email him or anything. Preserve your dignity!

[mikeca]

okay your hurting right now, so the best course of action as you may have already read about is cutting contact. I want you to delete any trace right now of him from your life. Your not going to contact him or respond to any texts he may send as it would only cause a relapse. Your going to find this extremely hard but you need time yourself to rebuild the person you were, right now your lost confused and needy, thats not attractive and I know where your coming from, the reason I first came to this forum was to get the EX back, and well be careful what you wish for, I did it after months of NC and working on what I wanted myself to be and it got to the point where I was like you know what, I'm a great guy I have my flaws like everybody but its appreciating yourself first that allow others to appreciate you, it didnt pan out that time but I've learned from it and its now part of who I am. Post here as much as you'd like it helps talking to complete strangers who offer opinions and advice, and i've been guilty of not following my own on occasion but its part of being human, we tend to make mistakes

 

I Hope the best for you

[eleniebby]

I can't give definite answers to any of your questions but this much I believe:

You asked if he was really done this time. I believe that is more up to you than him. What he is/was giving you is not how you deserve to be treated. As long as you are willing to to be his FWB, he will likely not refuse. How old are the two of you? It is hard to accept when the feelings we have for someone aren't reciprocated in the way we want them to be. Whatever you do from here on out--don't act on impulse. I strongly urge NC and just give yourself time to step back. Force yourself! Don't call him or email him or anything. Preserve your dignity!

 

Thanks so much for the advice. Btw i'm 19 and he's 20. I tried NC before and I always seemed to crack and contact him again somehow. I just find it so hard to believe that it might be possibly over for real now. I'm hanging on to his cruel words because there's nothing else to hang on to as of now.

 

 

okay your hurting right now, so the best course of action as you may have already read about is cutting contact. I want you to delete any trace right now of him from your life. Your not going to contact him or respond to any texts he may send as it would only cause a relapse. Your going to find this extremely hard but you need time yourself to rebuild the person you were, right now your lost confused and needy, thats not attractive and I know where your coming from, the reason I first came to this forum was to get the EX back, and well be careful what you wish for, I did it after months of NC and working on what I wanted myself to be and it got to the point where I was like you know what, I'm a great guy I have my flaws like everybody but its appreciating yourself first that allow others to appreciate you, it didnt pan out that time but I've learned from it and its now part of who I am. Post here as much as you'd like it helps talking to complete strangers who offer opinions and advice, and i've been guilty of not following my own on occasion but its part of being human, we tend to make mistakes

 

I Hope the best for you

 

Thanks for your advice. The only thing about NC that scares me is the fact that I feel if I can have him now, I won't be able to have him after NC because i'm so scared he's gonna get used to not having me there up to the point where it won't be an issue anymore. I've been trying so hard not to be needy, but I just don't wanna lose him. I feel if I leave him alone, he won't even make the effort to come back and what we had was special when it was there. I'm gonna give NC a try, but should I tell him something to remember me by so I won't be out of his thoughts?

[eleniebby]

After all this happened yesterday I called him. I don't know if it was the right thing to do but I had to get things off my chest. I told him that I love him and this wasn't how things were supposed to be, but its how they turned out to be. And that I hope he finds nothing, but happiness in his life. And lastly, that I was sorry if in our whole time being together I ever did anything to hurt him or jeopordize our relationship while we had it going. He stayed quiet and told me he'll talk to me today. He hasn't contacted me today, I didn't really expect him to. I won't be contacting him anymore neither. What can I expect from here on. Will I still be able to get him back? Or will he forget me like it already seems he did?

[mikeca]

We all have lapses in judgment, I've done everything on this board, from trying to be friends to NC, and now LC with the current reason im here, so your not alone in your feelings or actions. Its tough, I know what its like just eating away at you, you want to just know something else so you can think about that for awhile instead of what you've already been told. you just almost want any contact as long as you can see hear and hopefully be with them again.

You called, dont beat yourself up on it, tonnes of people do this, but the thing about NC we tend to forget is that its here for us, not them. It helps us regain our sanity and balance out our emotions before we even think of talking/seeing them again.

 

think about it this way, you and him on a relationship see-saw, when you both put time and energy into it, you balance out, but now that hes left you've fallen to the floor and it hurts...for awhile. NC helps you dust yourself off and stand up on your own, just like when you two first met and decided to get on this wonderful and crappy see-saw. hah You must have a clear mind with no hesitations or agendas for it to work out again, its almost like an entirely new relationship.

 

As for me, I'm trying LC since we only dated for a short time, if I dont get the result I'm looking for, oh well I'll be sad it didnt work out, but I know im a great guy and will just either go NC or to the point where it doesnt matter or we could possibly be friends.

 

I hope you the best and that this helps you.