eleniebby

Spent the whole day thinking about you. Its been 2 weeks since we've spoken and over a month since you said you don't want anything to do with me anymore. The last time we spoke you said that you have no feelings for me, where did this come from? How come you never told me this? And you also admitted that you weren't happy. You could've fooled me. I miss you so much and everything reminds me of you. I hear a song, I think about you. I see a movie we've seen together, I think about you. I eat and it only reminds me of how I would eat that same thing with you. Even my clothes remind me of you! Every time I pick something out, I think "Oh this is what I wore when me and him did this." This all feels so unrealistic. And every time I finally feel like i'm okay, reality hits me and I remember everything we've been through together and take like 20 steps back. You used to love me so much, how did that all just go away? I don't understand. Either you put on a very good act or you're really good at forgetting people. I still think its the first one. If you would've loved me, you wouldn't have hurt me the way you did. I'm so confused and I don't know which way is up. You said you wanted to build a life with me, how could you? I bet you're having the time of your life right now. Lucky you, you don't have to put up with me anymore. I thought it'd get easier day by day because i'd get used to not having you around, but i'm not used to it and it only gets harder. I just want to call you so bad and tell you that I miss you, but I know it'd only make things worse. You'd be upset that i'm bothering you and i'd end up feeling worse than I did before I called. I'm afraid, it feels like you're gone for good this time. I did everything for you and I put you before everything and everyone, even my own family. The people who are here for me now that you're not. I can't believe you're gone. I'm devastated and sometimes I feel like you're still around, but then when I turn to look for you, you're nowhere near me. I love you so much and the pain is becoming unbearable. I wish you could be me for a day just so you could see how much I love you and care for you. How could you hurt me like this? The one person who has been there with you through it all. How could you be so ungrateful and go from the loving guy that you were into this person who will say just about anything to hurt me and make me go away. I miss everything that we had and I honestly am not looking forward to seeing you when school starts again. If I feel this bad without you by my side, I can only imagine how i'm going to feel when we cross paths and I see you with other girls. It's going to hurt to look at you and know that I can't have you. I hope we don't have any classes together because I don't think I could do it. I love you and it sucks that you could go from loving someone so much to not caring about them at all without them doing anything to you. I understand that i'm not perfect. I over react sometimes, but I don't feel that that's a valid reason to throw away something so precious. You let a good girl go and I don't think you'll ever meet someone who loves you as much as I do. As for me, i'll just consider you the one who got away. Because up until today, I still hope you come back and i'll be right here waiting for that to happen, even though you said it never will. I miss you.

Day one of NC. We haven't spoken for a couple days actually, but I went after him everyday up until today, he just didn't respond. It was hard to not initiate contact being that I wasn't doing anything to keep myself busy. Somehow inbetween long showers and spending time with family, I was able to keep myself from going to him. I hate that this is how things need to be.

Day 1 of NC. If this bothered him half as much as it bothers me, then i'd be at least a bit content. I have to see his face everyday because of Uni and it's so awkward now that were not talking. Spent the day with friends tryna keep my mind off of him, but everytime I saw him I felt like running to him and telling him we need to stop playing games and be together because were meant to be together. But I know it can't be that simple. Life is never that simple. I wonder if this bothers him at all or if he's actually happy he doesn't have to deal with me anymore. This is the first time we've stopped talking since we broke up - and its been 7 months. I hope it gets easier.

Hey my love. Ive waited so long for you and you know I sure as hell don't mind that.. as long as it meant we'd be getting back together. But I guess we had different plans for our future. I wanted to spend it with you, meanwhile you didn't wanna settle down. I don't blame you for that, I don't hate you neither even though i'm bitter. Feelings change I guess and because of that, I can't hold that against you. I guess what upsets me was the fact that you led me on for so long.. but ive learned to let that go as well. Sometimes we can't get what we want in life and as much as that sucks, we gotta learn to live with it. Its so crazy cause less than a year ago I was sitting on your lap in a park and we were talking about how we were gonna raise our kids. You said you'd never allow our kids to get tattoos and we talked about how we were gonna bring them up. We made compromises about it. We also talked about how pretty soon we'd be hanging out looking at newspapers trying to find an apartment, that won't happen anymore. Honestly, im not looking forward to the future at all. This was supposed to be OUR time. OUR year. Our year to get ready to spend our lives together. I remember our makeout sessions in front of that weird building on our way to the seaport. We would get so turned on and people would stare at us like we were freaks but we didn't care. I remember seeing you every morning before school, you always begged me to cut with you and I always said no cause I was scared up until that one day I finally said yes. We went to your house and your mom showed up so I tried hiding under your sheets like a idiot. As if that worked, she found me in less than a minute. That same day we went to go see prom night.. not that we actually did see it cause we couldn't keep our hands off of each other. I also remember that day we were on the ferry and one of the workers told us it was so cute how we were so in love. He was happy for us and he said just by looking at us you could tell we were crazy about each other. l remember when I was going away. Saying goodbye was so hard, I looked at you and you were tearing. You wrote me a note to take with me and when I read it, I burst into tears. You said you'd be waiting for me and that you'd never leave me. I called you the first night and you were crying. When I came back you were so happy. I remember our first time. I was a bit scared, but I was ready and I knew I wanted it to be with you because i loved you. I remember when we both cried to the song superhuman. I pretended not to see you because I knew you'd be embarassed, but the moment I saw that tear fall I knew you loved me. I remember sitting on your grandmothers couch and us doing things we shouldn't have been doing. And the time when you first met my family, they loved you cause of the way you were. And also because of how happy you made me. I remember always being excited to get outta school just so I could hold you and kiss you. I remember everytime I didn't feel like going to school, the thought of seeing you motivated me and made me get up and ready. I want you to be happy, I truly do. I just wish I could be a part of that. I'd give anything and everything if it meant having you again. I have no doubt at all that what we had was real. I didn't want anyone else. I only wanted you. You made me feel ways I never knew possible, but I wish the pain didn't come along in the end. I can't stop crying or hurting. I want you to know the best moments ive ever had are the ones spent with you. The only thing that made my life worthwhile were my moments with you. I was on top of the world while it lasted. Don't ever forget your pink princess. I love you.

I was thinking about everything we've been through and it brought tears to my eyes. I mean, how did we get here? It's so crazy how life works. One day we're planning our whole future together and now you dont even want me. Where did I go wrong? I loved you and gave all I had to give, I never let you down and I put up with things that no other girl would've put up with yet you walked away and seem to be living happy and moving on meanwhile i'm hurting. I didn't even get closure and for some reason, i'm beginning to think this is really the end. As much as I love you, what good is that if deep down you really wouldn't wanna be with me and set your mind on us? I can't force you to wanna be with me. And unfortunately, I can't force the pain away neither. I'm losing faith and strength. You'd think after being apart for 5 months, the pain would subside in the least bit, but not at all. My heart still yearns for you. What hurts the most is I remember exactly what you told me one night. You looked me in the eye and you started tearing up. You said, "Promise me you'll never leave me, I love you". But it turns out you were the one that left me and threw everything we worked so hard for away. I don't get why the change of heart, I don't think ill ever understand that part.This isn't how things are supposed to be. We're supposed to be together. We should be, but we aren't. -I just had to vent, I was this close to texting him. I wonder if this ever gets any easier?

Quick question. If I see my ex all the time because of school (We have classes together), but we don't talk, is it still possible for him to miss me?

Proud to say Day 1 was a success. As many times as I wanted to approach him and tell him I love him, I held myself back and stood strong. He was sorta flirting with a girl in one of our classes together and as much as I wanted to say something, I acted as though it doesn't phase me. I miss him, but I can't spend the rest of my life praying he'll be back. Day 2, here we come

I'm not even doing NC to get him back anymore, ima do this for me. He told me really hateful things tonight. He said he regretted meeting me, we have no chance, I was a waste of time, he even told me to thrown myself down a flight of stairs (how immature). It was at this point that I thought to myself, WHY do I want him back? He never cared about me, he never loved me. What he said was so low. And its making me see things from another light. If you truly love someone, you wouldn't be able to hurt them how he hurt me. It's a shame cause we really do got alot of good memories together.

Back to day one. Messed up today. Gonna have to be strong tomorrow. Damn this is hard =/

Alright thanks (: I will be doing just that. I just hope that I could bare seeing him after everything cause it's gonna take all I have in me to not look at him and to hold the tears in.

Me and my ex go to the same college and we happen to have classes together so I will be seeing him Mon-Fri. Would that still be considered NC? Or would that make it so he won't miss me? I could change my classes if I have to

Day 1 of NC Damn this is gonna be hard. I woke up missing him and wanting to talk to him so bad. Haven't had dry eyes since I woke up. How could he forget me so fast? I wonder =/

I will be joining this challenge very soon. Possibly tonight? Good luck to everyone who's already started. I guess NC is kind of a win-win situation.