Why do I sometimes feel like they failed me in some stuff??

[yeawutever]

Basically I'm at a point where I feel like venting out a bit. I'm comfortable writing here as I'm pouring out my emotions...

I can make a list of all the things I think they failed me in and till this day they will not acknowledge it nor even said they were wrong at it esp. not my father who thinks he did the best he could and keeps saying that if by now I haven't learned anything, take another path or become rebellious (which I sometimes are) then it's my choice now, basically he can't do nothing no more.

 

Sometimes it's like they think they raised me perfectly and that's not true. This is short list of what they messed up in...

1) Argue in front of me as a child as well as their ridiculous episodes which I wrote long ago on another one of my post this is the whole version of it.. this is where some of my personality within me can be explained.....

2) Teaching me about self-control when they don't have it themselves sometimes, talk about hypocrisy

3) Father being jealous, over-protective when it comes to guys (I was not allowed to go to guy's house at age 18, fact I did it secretly)

4) Talking about waiting till marriage BS, trying to influence me on it

5) Making a big argument about the time I lost my virginity to my now LD bf (esp. my mother who didn't like him at that time, now she's kinda ok but I'm still mad when I remembered those occassions)

6) Father not wanting to meet my bf just because he was not a college student (not in these standards)

7) Making a big fuzz about me and bf doing it in my bedroom (well mainly my mother, who then told my father about it)

8) Trying to act a bit conservative when my father was wild in his teen and young adult years, he would get drunk many times. When I asked mom about it, her answer was ''Because he's a man''. Gggg that got me even madder.

9) Both of them getting all freaked out in discovering I was flashing on cam (that was 3 years ago), taking it as if I was selling myself...

10) Trashing my boyfriend for more than 2 years

11) Mom talking bad about my boyfriend to her friend and others and basically them gossiping about it in front of me (I haven't forgiven her totally for that, I'm still mad sometimes)

12) Mom now talking good about boyfriend, now that I'm not in love with him anymore and that there isn't those big arguments with her about him no more...., saying what a good guy he was....what the hell.......

 

And the list goes on and on. Not that I'm mad, I do love them. There was enough affectionation and no single thing I asked was not given. I had everything but it's the fact they think they raised me perfectly. There are those things I'm still mad about...

 

Do any of you feel like that? Why do they think they do things perfectly??

[greywolf]

Not everyone is perfect. Parents make mistakes too.

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

You're grown. Recognize what is now your responsibility in your life. Why do you need them to tell you they made mistakes?

 

The past is what it is, we all do the wrong things at one point or another.

[yeawutever]

Not everyone is perfect. Parents make mistakes too.

And they don't even acknowledge it, at least say it, they messed up in some things. I could have been a different person, who knows.

Instead of acknowledging it, they point out my mistakes. Wow.... so it's like I feel like a failure as well.... whn I'm not. Yet if I were to point out their mistake, they would find some excuse behind it, change the subject or shift the blame to me and twist the situation.. So it's a losing battle for me. I basically give up...

[Scorpion Fury]

You're grown. Recognize what is now your responsibility in your life. Why do you need them to tell you they made mistakes?

 

The past is what it is, we all do the wrong things at one point or another.

 

I agree. No matter what your childhood was like, you're 22 now. It's over. You are living your own life now.

 

Take what you learned and use it to be a better parent yourself if you decide to have kids.

[yeawutever]

You're grown. Recognize what is now your responsibility in your life. Why do you need them to tell you they made mistakes?

You're right. Plus it's not like they will magically recognize esp. not my father who still thinks he raised the perfect daughter lol. I don't expect anything but to maybe realize that part of my personality and temper is a result of every single mistake they make. Oh well. you're right, it's my responsibility now if I make the wrong choice. That's what my father said, that he can't do anything now and that if I turn out messed-up, it's my choice now...

The past is what it is, we all do the wrong things at one point or another.

Yea and interesting, sometimes I think I do the right things. I guess I must have some faults too that I'm not noticing...

[IphigeniaSaysHi]

Life is all about forging your own way for yourself. Others, even those you love, will intercept and make you feel terrible but the only thing that matters is you and your choices, how you treat others.

 

I think if they see you finally let go and become independent and happy in your own right, they may eventually say "listen, we know we weren't perfect but we're proud of you".

 

At that point it won't even matter to hear that. You'll be all set.

[woahisme13]

It's easy to blame things on your parens, but, ultimately the decisions you make are your own. There are so many succusfel perople out there who have had lass then ideal upbringings. There are also people who had amazing parents, families that end up being failures, horrible people, etc.

 

Parents are just people and we are all fallable. Think of all of the sacrifices they made just to give you what the could.

[greywolf]

And they don't even acknowledge it, at least say it, they messed up in some things. I could have been a different person, who knows.

 

So is everything about you-- your personality, feelings, etc.-- all because of your parents? Are you saying that you are 100% a product of them and not your own individual?

[yeawutever]

So is everything about you-- your personality, feelings, etc.-- all because of your parents? Are you saying that you are 100% a product of them and not your own individual?

Good point, not everything but it does play a huge role in your physical or well as mental development, communicating skills, self-control as well as your temper etc... I would say 50/50 on the nature versus nurture thing....

[yeawutever]

I think if they see you finally let go and become independent and happy in your own right, they may eventually say "listen, we know we weren't perfect but we're proud of you".

Yea that would be kool.. Oh well, I'll go my way on some things. Take the good stuff I learned and unlearned the negative things. Guess it'll take a bit of time but I can start from no...

[itsallgrand]

It's good to get that stuff out. Better than letting it fester inside. This way you can work with your own feelings about it.

 

A wonderful thing about getting older is that we have the opportunity and responsibility of having our own power.

 

Even if they never acknowledge or say to you that they recognize these things they have done - even if it wasn't intentional, especially when it isn't intentional - you can still get a resolution. You just have to do it for yourself.

 

I have this feeling if you can make that journey of having these feelings said, heard, even if it is only between yourself and us here to read them, and then letting them go.....you can lift a big burden off your shoulders.

 

It can be hard when you feel like there wasn't someone there to hear out and just accept your feelings - whether they agreed or not, changed or not, to just accept that you have a right to your own feelings and opinions too. Talking about it now is a great step forward.

 

tc.

[yeawutever]

Thank you itsallgrand........