Posting it here to "get it out"

[Into the Sun]

My Dearest Tess,

 

Many years ago you once asked me what love was, and I replied that it was knowing that, in the beat of a heart, I would sacrifice myself for you. I had no idea that one day my words would be put to the test, and that I would be writing these words to you.

 

I know you feel guilty, and I know you feel sad about the pain you caused me, and I won't lie to you, what you did wounded me so deep. You shot me point blank. In the few seconds it took you to say that you had fallen in love with a married man, my world was shattered. For a few seconds, I couldn't even comprehend what you had just told me, I just stood there thinking how beautiful you looked as the snow fell around you. I know.... I know.

 

But Tess, these words I write to you are not about recrimination or blame. We all fall sometimes, and guilt is a hard thing to bear. I know, because many years ago I lied to you, and you had the grace to forgive me. Life is short Tess, and tomorrow is never guaranteed. All I ever wanted for you was that you be happy and OK, I hope you are. Just don't get hurt hey.

 

Having you and Sally in my life these past eight years has been fantastic. It made me a better man, and for that I have to thank you. I know you want me to remain in your life, but Tess, I can't. I don't have the strength. I can't hold on and let go, it's tearing me in two. So I think, for the sake of you and Alex, and for the sake of all those lives touched by this, I should bow out gracefully now. So many lives have been affected by you two being together, you have to make it work.

 

So, back to the question you asked me all those years ago. What is love? Love is letting go of you.

 

Your friend always

 

Dan

[insearch]

Dan- I think that is one of the most touching letters I have ever read. My heart has been so broken, I hope I can feel forgiveness one day.

[Cheeks18]

That was really good man, gave me the tingles.

[Nidania]

Dan, that is true love.

 

Your heartfelt letter gives me chills. This must be so very hard for you. I don't know how to applaud your decision without sounding trite, but you are doing the very best thing for yourself by bowing out.

 

To forgive is not to forget... to forgive is to let go of pain. Your capacity for forgiveness is truly amazing.

 

I wish you nothing but the very best. You deserve it.

[Into the Sun]

Thank you for all your replies, they are much appreciated and helpful.

 

Dan- I think that is one of the most touching letters I have ever read. My heart has been so broken, I hope I can feel forgiveness one day.

 

I hope that your experience doesn't leave too many scars, and I hope that you soon find that which heals your heart. I'm sure you will.

 

Dan, that is true love.

 

Your heartfelt letter gives me chills. This must be so very hard for you. I don't know how to applaud your decision without sounding trite, but you are doing the very best thing for yourself by bowing out.

 

To forgive is not to forget... to forgive is to let go of pain. Your capacity for forgiveness is truly amazing.

 

I wish you nothing but the very best. You deserve it.

 

 

Thank you so much Nidania.

 

I can't deny that things have been hard. Our breakup was complicated, messy, painful and long. I watched as the woman, the spirit and the soul that I loved, changed beyond all recognition. That was so, very very painful. It physically hurt.

 

I love her though, and would never want for her to be hurt, or alone in this world, and because of that, and for both our sakes, I had to forgive and let go. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

[mgirl]

My ex used me to avoid her problems. She ran away from another state, and then persued me. When i had the feeling to let her go, she'd always talk me back into it, making promises she couldn't keep (i promise i won't move back there etc, we could be good together).

 

Then, she cons me into letting her (for want of a better term), for supporting her move back interstate under with the proviso that it was only for 6-12 months to go get custody of her son. She then sucks me in to a holiday for 4 weeks while she trains for work (basically, she didn't want to be alone). We come back to my place and then she flies out to her new destination.

 

Everything is okay for 4 weeks, we communicate regularly. Then, one day, out of the blue, i ask her if she's still coming back. She sends me a cold text stating that she can't let me know until after family court mediation ("sorry, i can't give you the answer you want"), dispite the fact that she had assured me she would return (we had a plan, that's what partners do).

 

When i start asking for answers, she then proceeds to turn her phone off for days. I get angrier (my problem, i agree) and say some pretty nasty things. I am still asking for answers. I feel that she basically cut me off passive agressively so that she could use my behaviour as an excuse to break it off.

 

I then find out, while i have been pining for her here, she has been meeting other people. She now has a "special" friend who sent me an abusive message last weekend (get on with your life loser - even though i think it might have been my ex).

 

I then find out in an email that the ex and her former partner have drawn up a court agreement for the children. The papers are already drawn up she tells me! Meanwhile, she had been hinting (as usual, never anything direct) that there was still a chance (don't make me choose between you and my kids - what a joke). She was also using my time saying she missed me etc. and carrying on like little had changed. But, every time i pushed her for an answer, she said i had dumped her (technically) and that the reason she didn't want to be with me was because of those abusive txt messages, which we all send when we're angry. She admitted herself that people say things like that when they are angry.

 

Anyway, i have now realised that she is one HEAD CASE. She wasted 9 months of my time. We were almost together for 11-12 months and i tried to leave her within 3 months because i just got a "feeling" it wasn't right.

 

She used to constantly antangonise me for being "controlling", but she never once turned down the help i gave her with finding a lawyer, driving her around town, using me as a tool to take her aggression out on her family.

 

Man, that was one hell of a head case and i am glad to be out of there. I feel spiritually raped as i put my heart on my sleeve. I believed all her crap, which disappoints me cause i am an honest person.

 

However, i did decide this morning not to let it change me as a human being. Where to go from here, i don't know.

[hebrkmyhrt]

Wow...thats such a nice letter.

[TheBeef]

May I steal a few bits of this?! I can relate to your feelings there exactly... I just hadn't quite gotten the words right.

 

I wrote something, with this intention in mind, and looking back it just came out too bitter and cold. I didn't mean it so much that way, but that's how it read.... and far too long too.

 

Unfortunately, everything I said to my ex was a LONG time coming... but I still want her to know that I do not hate her for it, just that I'm hurt.

[Into the Sun]

May I steal a few bits of this?! I can relate to your feelings there exactly... I just hadn't quite gotten the words right.

 

Thank you for asking.

 

I will admit, I went for a very long walk, and stood for the longest time watching the sunset before I wrote her that letter. I think it helped me be at peace with the world, and I guess went a long way towards making my words, I hope, a gentle goodbye.

 

If any of my words are of help though, then yes, please feel free to adapt them.

[TheBeef]

You can read my very long mess of an email (very direct and straightforward, but a mess) in a thread I just posted. =O)

[Sukotto]

What a touching letter that I'm sure many of us can relate to but have never been able to put in words.

 

It reminds me of a poem.

 

I hold it true, whate'er befall;

I feel it, when I sorrow most;

'Tis better to have loved and lost

Than never to have loved at all.