Guys: What type of things make you lose interest in the girl you are dating?

[Ivory_Tower]

I would really love honest, constructive answers. Please don't say if someone is losing interest in you, then break up with them. We have all lost interest in people from time to time, even with good friends.

 

What makes you lose interest? Is it when you know you have the girl? Is it when she is getting to serious too soon?

 

Let me know.

[DaisyDaisy]

i went on one date with a guy who disappeared as soon as he heard a false rumour that i told people we were dating 2 days later ...

 

and prior to this, we spoke every day for the 2 months before.

 

bizarre right?

 

i'll still never figure it out!

 

Oh, and the date itself was amazing- great chemistry!

[Ivory_Tower]

That is bizarre. What I find confusing is why does a guy get into a comfort zone with you 6-8 months down the road and almost lose interest?

[Macleod]

Here's a few things that come to mind:

1. Extreme clingyness
   
2. Laziness
   
3. Not being compatible in the simplest of things such as movies, music, activities
   

[Organs]

I think it's when the girl--whether she means to or not--undermines my interests and beliefs.

 

Once I met a girl through the internet, and we had a nice conversation over tea and everything. I mentioned that I have ADD and she tells me it's a bogus condition and she doesn't believe in it. Even though I liked how independent she was, that she was an artist, her taste in music and movies, etc. etc.... she said that and suddenly our conversation wasn't as pleasant.

 

Of course, being the hapless, girlfriendless loser I was, I still tried to pursue her a little.

[Lucius]

Hmm...

 

1. Realizing that we are not compatible (for whatever reason). It sometimes takes getting over that initial thrill to see these things. A lack of compatibility can manifest in a wide variety of ways.

 

2. Spending too little time together. Absence does not make my heart grow fonder.

 

3. Discovering that the underlying friendship is not strong enough to sustain the relationship in the wake of that decline in initial passion. A lack of common ground, common interest, and friendship, in other words.

 

4. Negativity, pushiness, and neediness that manifests as drama.

 

Those are the reasons that spring most readily to mind.

[brazilgirl21]

What is being too clingy and not too clingy?

[pivotal]

I think it's when the girl--whether she means to or not--undermines my interests and beliefs.

 

I agree completely. Either undermining or complete disregard for your interests or what happens in the world surrounding them.

[Hopefully Not]

Negativity, physical inactivity, personal inactivity (all talk and no action), weight gain, bad habits or manners, irresponsiblity, ignorance, poor dressing, lack of independence ... same things that make girls lose interest in guys.

[Ivory_Tower]

Negativity, physical inactivity, personal inactivity (all talk and no action), weight gain, bad habits or manners, irresponsiblity, ignorance, poor dressing, lack of independence ... same things that make girls lose interest in guys.

 

What if a girl only does one or two of these things? No one can be perfect all the time, but I understand their are dealbreakers of sorts.

[furious]

Insecurity, not certain of herself, negativity, and sexual unassertiveness*.

 

* meaning she needs some promiscuity or I'm going to get bored and jump ship.

[MT1981]

id lose interest if i found out:

 

1) she is a hardcore drinker

2) she is a hardcore party animal

3) she is a compulsive liar

4) she is unable to hold a decent conversation

5) the obvious spark is lacking

6) lots of swearing from her (we all swear from time to time - but something about swearing when in a relationship, that turns me off)

7) lack of independence

8 ) physical inactivity - i.e if she is not into me physically - hugs, cuddles etc

[WomanWriter]

Hi Ivory Tower! I hope you are doing ok. This post caught my eye. I know I'm not a guy and can't give you an answer, but there is a book I started reading called "Why Men Fall Out of Love," by Michael French.

 

It's kinda new and written by a guy so it has lots of good insights. Check out a review on Amazon or pick it up at your library, if ya like.

 

It seems to come down to men wanting space and not feeling like they've done enough with their lives. I guess they feel trapped at times, often from fear of missing out on something. But it's more complicated than that.

 

Anyway, I'll be curious to read your other answers.

 

[BoddenProBowler06]

Dishonesty, negativity, lack of compassion, clinginess.

[Ivory_Tower]

Dishonesty, negativity, lack of compassion, clinginess.

 

What if I was none of these (to my knowledge)?

[BoddenProBowler06]

What if I was none of these (to my knowledge)?

 

Then I wouldn't have a problem continuing to date. Usually the things I listed are easy to spot and ring through in someone's personality over time.

[heatspreader]

id lose interest if i found out:

 

1) she is a hardcore drinker

2) she is a hardcore party animal

3) she is a compulsive liar

4) she is unable to hold a decent conversation

5) the obvious spark is lacking

6) lots of swearing from her (we all swear from time to time - but something about swearing when in a relationship, that turns me off)

7) lack of independence

8 ) physical inactivity - i.e if she is not into me physically - hugs, cuddles etc

 

I agree with most of these.

[Day_Walker]

There is a laundry list of thinks that can cause me to lose interest in a girl but they all basically boil down to getting to know her and not liking what I find.

[veneratio]

Lots of things. Picky picky me. I don't like lack of self appreciation, you've gotta love yourself before you love me, right? Confusion. It runs me right off. You can go kick rocks if you're unsure of what you want with me. Lack of motivation. Being too clingy. Settling..for everything. Negativity and self righteousness. Being more immature than I am..and that's pretty tough to accomplish. Not being true to herself. Not respecting who I am, what I want/do, etc.

 

And sometimes, once I have her, that spark dies. Guess it wasn't strong enough to begin with.

[Shudder]

psychotic

lies

drinks a lot

is not passionate about anything

lack of intimacy

parties excessively

swears like a mofo

 

 

i think MT1981 said most of what I'm thinkng

[Plastic_Monkey]

1. Bad tempers. No, it's not "fiery" or "challenging." It just makes me want to be as far away from them as possible.

 

2. A complete lack of common interests, as shallow as those may seem. It just leaves you with nothing to talk about.

 

3. A lack of ambition for something... anything.

[Clarity]

If it's early on, the answer is simple: lack of attraction. (physical OR otherwise)

 

Maybe things started off with a spark that masked other negatives, but as time goes on, we get a better idea of who a person is, what they represent, and so our attraction towards them can change.

 

I dated a girl for about a month - I made our first few dates so memorable (going to a county fair, a haunted hayride, etc.) that we suffered from what I call the "Bachelor/Bachelorette" syndrome - a couple misreading the excitement of doing fun things together with mutual attraction. When those things stopped and we started "hanging out", I realized my attraction for her was not as strong as I had initially thought, so I broke it off.

[renaissancewoman101]

If it's early on, the answer is simple: lack of attraction. (physical OR otherwise)

 

Maybe things started off with a spark that masked other negatives, but as time goes on, we get a better idea of who a person is, what they represent, and so our attraction towards them can change.

 

I dated a girl for about a month - I made our first few dates so memorable (going to a county fair, a haunted hayride, etc.) that we suffered from what I call the "Bachelor/Bachelorette" syndrome - a couple misreading the excitement of doing fun things together with mutual attraction. When those things stopped and we started "hanging out", I realized my attraction for her was not as strong as I had initially thought, so I broke it off.

 

One month is not enough time to build attraction.

 

You should have gave it more time than that. Was the girl hurt when you broke it off?

[Clarity]

One month is not enough time to build attraction.

 

You should have gave it more time than that. Was the girl hurt when you broke it off?

 

I don't believe you can make such generalizations - when you know, you know. She was getting more attached, I knew in my heart I did not see a future with her, so I did what I thought was respectable - I broke it off as gently as I could. Yes, she was hurt, but less so had I let her get even more attached. I was open and honest with her throughout - as soon as I was having serious doubts, I let her know that I "wasn't sure what I wanted" - which was true, I was still deciding. When I decided, I broke it off.

 

I have no regrets about this decision, even though to this day I am single and not in a relationship. I do sometimes wish some girls would afford me the same respect in ending things though!

[denryuu]

hmmm, i just hate it when i am lied to for small things. I dont have to know everything (everyone should be able to keep secrets), but dont lie to me about not being able to make it on time or not being able to return a phone call. I'm pretty good at spotting a lie, so i always try to shrug it off to the other person, but in my head, i will keep thinking about if for a while.