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i love him so much. but i want to leave him (not bcos of another man)

dududoll

By dududoll
in Relationship Advice

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dududoll Contributor

dududoll

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i need opinion if i shud leave him without any trace or shud i tell him the real reason.

i dont know how to cut it short to tell u the reason why i want to leave him. im going to try my best to tell what i feel. he makes me want to be a better woman... he opens up my eyes on many things. he teaches me to love myself... to boost self esteem... to be independent, to be strong, many many things that no one has every taught me before, not even my family... He treats me very well. the only thing i suffer from is when i feel emotional about anything he'd tell me to stay strong and not to depend on him too much emotionally...when i tell him about how i feel about what i see, he'd say things like 'there's nth 2 worry about. why do u need to worry about it?" only. he's very direct. like when he cant help he says he cant help straight at ur face. ANYWAY, i feel so NEW towards 2 big things. 1) it's new to me having to kill my insecurities, low self esteem, and emotional dependency all at once. i have never tried to conquer all these that has been with me since young. 2) dating the type of man i have never ever dated before. i have many exes i have dated many types of guys... but this guy i am dating now is so different from them. he stands out. it is so tough for me.

i cant bare to see him going thru this with me. this journey of learning to love mysef etc to become a better woman. i cant bare to see him watch my ugly side. i wish i only meet him once i have conquered my weaknesses (insecure, low self esteem, and emotional dependency).. hes too good for me. he's said that he wants to go through this with me and that we shud give it another try to this relationship after we had a big fight a few days ago...... but really, im no good for him.... altho i love him soo much. i rather be friends with him be his soul mate, without dating... he's such a big inspiration to me i canot afford to lose him. i rather not be his girlfriend than losing him completely..... im quite lost now i dont know what im going thru but this is how i feel... shud i tell him all this? or shud i just leave him hanging (stop calling him/stop picking up his calls/let him forget about me)? will telling him all these make him feel highly of himself?

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Crazyaboutdogs Proficient

Crazyaboutdogs

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Pianoguy and In the dark bring up some excellent points. I am not quite sure what kind of man you think is worth dating..someone who treats you badly, won't care to be there for you, will trash your self-esteem...is that the kind of man you think is relationship-worthy whereas this man is only "just friends" worthy. If you don't recognize what a catch you have then you haven't really improved your self-esteem at all.

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Imprecision Enthusiast

Imprecision

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He treats me very well. the only thing i suffer from is when i feel emotional about anything he'd tell me to stay strong and not to depend on him too much emotionally...when i tell him about how i feel about what i see, he'd say things like 'there's nth 2 worry about. why do u need to worry about it?" only. he's very direct. like when he cant help he says he cant help straight at ur face.

 

Haha, typical guy.

 

Anyway, what you need is verbal reassurance that he cares deeply about you. He needs to tell you this himself. Then you won't think about leaving him, at least for a while.

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Symbolic Contributor

Symbolic

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Wow don't just ignore him that horrible! That is sooo terrible please don't do that. Would you stab a guy who saved you from an armed robber? lol. At the very least you have to tell him how you feel before you break things off. Don't leave him wondering what happened, it will just hurt him for a longer time if you bounce without a word.

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BlueRizla Apprentice

BlueRizla

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Haha, typical guy.

 

Anyway, what you need is verbal reassurance that he cares deeply about you. He needs to tell you this himself. Then you won't think about leaving him, at least for a while.

 

OP..I totally see where you are coming from. This is a great piece of advice from Imprecision. My ex didn't give me the verbal reassurance I wanted even though I gave it to her. It triggered my abandonment issue and hit my self esteem. It made me think about leaving her. I wish I had asked her to be more verbal with me at the time but like you I didnt feel good enough to ask for it . It may have shown a sign of weakness to a seemingly strong and sorted person. Ask your man if he will do that for you before its too late.

 

If he cares about you he will do it.

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mca1975 Rising Star

mca1975

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I agree, ask for reassurance and tell him that you hurt inside. Tell him you don't feel worthy and let him reassure you. Don't just leave without a word, that will hurt his feelings and you will hate yourself for it.

I feel like this sometimes too. I feel like running away and being on my own again as its too hard but you know what you gotta try.

 

It is meant to be hard, growing as a person, you've got to take yourself out of your comfort zone and give it a go if you want happiness.

 

Your problem is you feel you don't deserve that happiness, because of the beliefs you have about yourself. Now you've got someone who believes in you...... what you gonna do, up to you.....

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Lonewing Enthusiast

Lonewing

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You sound

 

word for word

 

like my ex.

 

2 years ago.

 

She's a much stronger girl now - and now she's out with another man, having weened herself from my love. ultimately she found her strength and then discovered she needed to be with someone else - someone more like her. Her love never was for me. and I am sad.

 

When he says there's things he can't help you with, he's serious. You need a professional for those issues, and it really is in your better interest to get that professional. Therapy, Counseling, etc with a professional could be tht crucial step to you becoming that better person.

 

He loves you more than you know - I hope you will know that love for him and soon. But you need to get over yourself first, because you're a hurdle to his happiness for as long as you hold yourself back. He knows your ugly side and he STILL wants to love you.

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