knight_isa Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 So a woman initiated contact with me through an online dating service. We eventually met about 2 weeks later with a group of my friends. Our first date goes great! Just seems like we compliment each other perfectly. Outstanding rapport. My lady friend that was with us on this gathering gave a "woman friend" seal of approval. Our second date was a rather romantic evening at dinner and in the park. She goes home after us getting pretty close that night. She had a great night she says. She goes into the mountains on a vacation with some friends for 5 days about. Day she comes back, emails me saying that she didn't think it was fair to me that she just didn't feel she was over the last man. She though she was ready for dating but realized she was not ready for dating. She also says time is what she needs to get over the past. She says I have *every* quality she's looking for in a man. Wow. She mentions to let her know if I want to be friends, she would "love" to get to know more about me. Long story short, I hinted friend zone is not for me- I am too attracted to her for now. I said give it some time, and we'll see. Peculiar, for someone who is not ready for dating, she is quite active on the online dating site, on it everyday so it shows so far (last 5-6 days). And when I decided to change my main profile picture for aesthetic purposes, she coincidentally changes her so as to seem to get my attention the next day. My intention is to eventually see her in over a month or two ,since we work so well together, and make my intentions clear- which is starting over on the dating, assuming she is a just a little more over this last dude. I have not talked to her for 6 days and I go online as invisible so she won't be able to tell I'm online. I assume she is on the dating site to get my attention and might be trying to get over me not wanting to be friends as I truly don't believe she was pulling my leg this whole time. Keep in mind I'm not hung up on this woman so I might be dating someone else in the meantime, but she was a keeper 100% if only the timing was right. Does this sound reasonable anyone? What are your thoughts on this? I'd be grateful for any ideas Link to comment
RedWingsFan Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Throw in the towel, sadly. "Not ready to date" is an excuse...simply because she has been dating!!! I would translate her words to mean, "I don't want to date you." If she met Prince Charming tomorrow, do you think she'd say the same thing? I doubt it. Link to comment
loulee Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 This exact same thing happened to a male friend of mine just last week after 2 dates they also met online. the dates went great then 3 days after the second date she drops the bombshell she is not over the last guy. My friend is quite hurt...What he did was actually told her that he is removing her from facebook and messenger as he did not want her to feel he was watching her online and he felt it best they didnt correspond any further for the time being..she replied positively. they now do not need to "hide" while online. I would do the same if I were you.. Honesty is the best policy remember she liked your good qualities so keep it honest and perhaps tell her you will get back in touch in a month or two but she is most welcome to phone you before that if she wants too...and leave it at that... Link to comment
Ariel85 Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 First off, why are you having first dates that include all your friends? This is something a high schooler would do. I wouldn't consider that a very suave or mature act on your part. Secondly, as the other poster said, it's not that she doesn't want to date right now, she just doesn't want to date you. She used another guy as an excuse to let you down easily. People do that all the time. Move on, forget about her. Link to comment
knight_isa Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 Accually, I invited her to come along with me and 2 close friends to a Renaissance fair and she agreed. It pretty much ended up being me and her as my friends just joined up for 30 minutes at the fair and a dinner get together then left. Then I spent about 4-5 hours just the two of us having fun before the fair, and after at a book store just talking the evening away. It was rather great. Also my lady friend was there serving a second purpose as another opinion on her. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 For me, after a measly two dates - the just checking each other out point - if someone said something like that to me, I just put that person out of my mind. No strategy, no thoughts of them, considered unavailable (or not into me, same thing in terms of what to do). You could end up going on a third date with her one day in the future maybe, if that becomes something she wants to do and you do too, and since you know so little about each other....find out she is nothing like you think she is right now! Two dates is too little in my opinion to care. Sounds harsh, but really! Who is this person? You don't know yet. Link to comment
knight_isa Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 For me, after a measly two dates - the just checking each other out point - if someone said something like that to me, I just put that person out of my mind. No strategy, no thoughts of them, considered unavailable (or not into me, same thing in terms of what to do). You could end up going on a third date with her one day in the future maybe, if that becomes something she wants to do and you do too, and since you know so little about each other....find out she is nothing like you think she is right now! Two dates is too little in my opinion to care. Sounds harsh, but really! Who is this person? You don't know yet. Yeah, that makes good sense. And Normally this would be a no brainer to just let go as similar situations have happened in the past. But we did talk a bit between dates either online, on the phone, and running up my friggin' phone bill with all the short text messages! All just enough to keep me interested and thinking about it now. Link to comment
jenny_mcs Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 I decided to change my main profile picture for aesthetic purposes, she coincidentally changes her so as to seem to get my attention the next day. ... I assume she is on the dating site to get my attention... I would stay away from assumptions/thinking like this. You have gone out on 2 dates with this woman- I doubt she is organizing her online profile/habits to try and get your attention. As others have mentioned, i think she just wasn't feeling 'it' with you. It sucks, but it happens. Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Personally I think it's rude when people explain why they don't want to see you again after two dates. They are only trying to be considerate but it makes it seem like you really care. I mean, come on, two dates? I would simply reply that after two dates a "no thank you, I'm not interested" is the perfect amount of information. Anything else is creating drama where it's not needed. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Personally I think it's rude when people explain why they don't want to see you again after two dates. They are only trying to be considerate but it makes it seem like you really care. I mean, come on, two dates? I would simply reply that after two dates a "no thank you, I'm not interested" is the perfect amount of information. Anything else is creating drama where it's not needed. Amen sister! Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Amen sister! Can I hear an "Amen?" lol Link to comment
knight_isa Posted August 24, 2009 Author Share Posted August 24, 2009 Personally I think it's rude when people explain why they don't want to see you again after two dates. They are only trying to be considerate but it makes it seem like you really care. I mean, come on, two dates? I would simply reply that after two dates a "no thank you, I'm not interested" is the perfect amount of information. Anything else is creating drama where it's not needed. Amen indeed! I would have much rather she said just 'no thanks' after the first date to save some time and effort on both our parts, if she just had to say no. Link to comment
Mutley Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Two dates don't mean anything. You gotta get in 3 months with someone before you can really start assuming anything. Link to comment
Scorpion Fury Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Personally I think it's rude when people explain why they don't want to see you again after two dates. They are only trying to be considerate but it makes it seem like you really care. I mean, come on, two dates? I would simply reply that after two dates a "no thank you, I'm not interested" is the perfect amount of information. Anything else is creating drama where it's not needed. Word UP. OP, I'd just give it up. She's not into you, for whatever reason and it's not worth the time or effort wasted to figure out why. Could be anything. I wouldn't bother to be her friend either. It's just to make her feel better about herself. To hell with her. Link to comment
jengh Posted August 24, 2009 Share Posted August 24, 2009 Agree with waveseer! She's just not into you. It was just 2 dates, she didn't owe you any explanation at all, was probably just being polite when she said she wanted to be friends. She's obviously ready to date if she's still active on the dating site. She's not going on just to mess with you. Honestly, you're probably a distant memory to her by now. Link to comment
knight_isa Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 Thanks for your advice everyone! Now I'm still active on the dating site and once in awhile I get a profile view from women. That's great and all but it seems like every few days this same woman I dated checks out my profile! I find it a little odd after all this she'd even bother to check my profile out several times as I've not spoken or bothered to look into her in a long time. Strange, but what do you all think about this? Link to comment
jengh Posted August 25, 2009 Share Posted August 25, 2009 I think you're reading too much into it to be honest. When I was doing online dating, even after going out on a date with someone I was interested in, I'd still click their profile from time to time to see if they'd updated (I stalk people like that, haha). Seriously...don't overthink it. Just forget about her, she's not interested. Link to comment
knight_isa Posted August 25, 2009 Author Share Posted August 25, 2009 I think you're reading too much into it to be honest. When I was doing online dating, even after going out on a date with someone I was interested in, I'd still click their profile from time to time to see if they'd updated (I stalk people like that, haha). Seriously...don't overthink it. Just forget about her, she's not interested. Uhh.. well why in the world would you stalk people like that? Uninterested in a person, you'd do the same? I just find it a little peculiar. Link to comment
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