Silent treatment - do they read or messages/emails and so on!?

[exback]

Just a general question for those that give the "silent treatment" and those that have to deal with it.

Even so they don't react to our calls/emails/texts and so on. Do you think they read our mails and text messages or letters or do they just delete it right away unopened.

My boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me after a fight and ever since that day (6 months ago) he didn't reply to any attempt of contact - didn't even break up with me officially. So I am just curious - do you think they read or emails and so on or are they strong enough to just delete everything right away. I think I would be too curious to know what my ex wrote...

[unabashed]

I don't give the "silent treatment." That implies some kind of game or manipulation. If that's what's going on, maybe he is reading emails, etc., to gauge your reaction to things. I have decided to cut ties with someone who was very suppressive and toxic to me. With that, I have blocked them from writing or calling as much as I could. When an occasional call or email comes through, I delete or ignore it completely. So, I guess it depends on why they're not responding to you, whether or not they're taking the bait to read what you're sending them. Why waste your time with someone who wants no contact with you?

[coolchick64]

I broke up with someone a long time ago and he contacted me repeatedly for months. I read every single thing he ever sent me and thought about it for weeks after. I still have all of it.

 

Another example: Right after the last time I saw current ex, I wrote to him explaining why we couldn't be friends, that I was too hurt by his actions and it would take a lot of time for me to reach that point, if ever. He didn't respond right away and I wondered if he even bothered to read it. Ten days later, I got a message saying that he'd been thinking about me and wanted me to know that he never meant to hurt me. Guess he read it!

 

Curiosity, if nothing else, will make a person read your messages. The question is what they make of it and what it can accomplish. I think there's a stage in a breakup when communication is no longer productive; where it actually makes the other person shut down or get more entrenched in their original position. Guess it all depends on what you want to come of it.

[exback]

I am not sure whether or not he play games. You can't block text messages. I waste my time because I think it is my right to stop him from bad-mouthing me and to tell him all I need to say at least once. I have never cheated or anything like that...

[In the Dark]

6 months is a long time with no contact.

 

I'd say he's doing his own thing.

 

Some people will read and not reply based on what the message says.

Some don't want to reply to even to a nice email of memories because it makes them feel bad for what they've done and in thier mind they will feel bad for deying what were good times if they replied.

[HouseKitten]

Depends on the context of the 'silent treatment'.

 

If I had an argument with my boyfriend and was so angry I didn't want to talk to him at once, I would still read anything he sent me. It's current and important.

 

However, if I broke up with someone and then went NC with them, I would probably try to delete things they sent without reading them. I can't imagine I'd actually be strong enough to do so, but in an ideal world I would not subject myself to raking it all up with every read message.

[BriarRose]

My ex-ex deleted my emails unread.

[renaissancewoman101]

My ex-ex deleted my emails unread.

 

How could you tell that he deleted the emails unread?

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

I don't read anything my ex sends me- just from knowing him -its all bs and more lies and crazy talk... so i don't read them .... for me, there is nothing he can say or do that will change the outcome.

 

If it were different circumstances.. where i felt there was a possibility for reconciliation.. i might have read them.. but at this point it serves me no purpose to read more BS that is only going to set me back in the healing process.

 

Its been six months - are you still trying to email and reach to ex?

[exback]

It feels as if I ceased to exist. No break up. No message from him - no reply to my attempts. No reason for the break up - nothing at all. His friends don't talk to me and ignore me. I feel as if I don't exist. The reason !? I don't know. I didn't cheat, I didn't lie...nothing at all. The fight was about my car - he forgot to bring it back to me...

I don't exist anymore...

[exback]

I didn't email the last couple of months but I get mobbed by his friends because of what he tells them about me. That's why I tried to contact him after months of NC - to get him to stop bad-mouthing me.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

It feels as if I ceased to exist. No break up. No message from him - no reply to my attempts. No reason for the break up - nothing at all. His friends don't talk to me and ignore me. I feel as if I don't exist. The reason !? I don't know. I didn't cheat, I didn't lie...nothing at all. The fight was about my car - he forgot to bring it back to me...

I don't exist anymore...

 

 

how can someone forget to bring a car back?

 

together 4 years and he just poof stopped talking to you??

 

very very hurtful behavior .. and rather then trying to contact him .. you should be working towards healing yourself and moving forward.

 

I would be very angry with him if i were you.

[starlight40]

I didn't email the last couple of months but I get mobbed by his friends because of what he tells them about me. That's why I tried to contact him after months of NC - to get him to stop bad-mouthing me.

 

I really feel for you, ive followed your threads, its been really hard for you the way hes treat you and then to bad mouth you aswell, he sounds like such a jerk, youve really been through the mill but one day for as hard as it been youl be rewarded by being so much stronger and wiser for it all, im rooting for you that things are going to start getting better for you very soon. Big hugs xxxx

[cazmoore]

My ex broke up with me like that. He would always give me the silent treatment when we'd fight. He would deliberately ignore me, ignore my phone calls. I eventually had to call his cell phone once under a blocked number and he picked up. It was ridiculous. I always ended up being the one apologizing after he started the fight. One day when I finally had enough, we argued over the phone when I was at work because I had to study and couldn't come over for dinner after work, I told him school came first. He said 'fine' and that was the last time we spoke on teh phone. He never called me. On facebook he just deleted me and put 'single'. He gave me back my things in a box, even things I bought for him and never said a word to me. I didn't have any closure from that relationship. I wrote him a big long email to tell him how I felt and how he hurt me, but he never replied to it either. It tore me up for months and months... you know, he just could have said to you 'I can't do this anymore, this isn't working' and kept it between teh two of you. The fact his friends are ignoring you makes me wonder what he's said about you. Couldnt have been nice.

 

I still wonder about him though, my ex, and once in a while I'll look at his facebook to see what he's up to. I find it hard people can just shut off their emotions like that and want nothing to do with you. It must have been a long time coming for him to just break up like that with you out of the blue. I guess$ just that argument was the straw that broke the camels back. It was with us, anyway. Our fight over school. There was too much arguing and ignoring.. etc. You can't treat someone like that.

 

I'm only telling my story because I know exactly how you feel and what position you're in so I'm trying to relate. There's nothing worse than being ignored by someone. No-one can stand it. It makes you feel like siht and that you meant nothing. But you know that's a load of BS.

 

I wouldn't bother with him anymore. You'll drive yourself crazy. Some things you won't get closure on, but at this point, he doesn't deserve to have your attention. I just gave up because my ex still had that 'power' over me even after our breakup.. for me to be the one calling, texting, emailing... hell no! Don't give him that sort of gratification.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

I didn't email the last couple of months but I get mobbed by his friends because of what he tells them about me. That's why I tried to contact him after months of NC - to get him to stop bad-mouthing me.

 

 

my ex is doing the same thing... bad mouthing me saying a bunch of lies ... you just have to ignore it ...and rise above.

 

rise above the childish behavior.. rise above caring what they think and trust that the people who are truly your friends.. will ignore his lies.

 

Talking to him is not going to get him to stop- time is the only thing.

 

for your own sanity tell anyone who contacts you in regards to what your ex is saying... tell them you don't want to know and its up to your friends to decide if they are going to believe him.

 

thankfully everyone in my life knows me.. and knows i'm a good person - so no one believes the BS my ex is feeding them.. in fact most are laughing at the absurdity of his comments.

 

just trust yourself and your friends.. stay strong.. and don't contact him.. - what he thinks doesn't matter- the only thing that matters is what you think.

[exback]

Thank you...all of you!!!! I feel much better now. Sometimes I felt like going crazy - it feels as if I am losing my sanity about what happened. But at least I have to admit that in order to do/act what he did/the way he did you must be very strong...in a bad way..but nevertheless strong.

[starlight40]

Thank you...all of you!!!! I feel much better now. Sometimes I felt like going crazy - it feels as if I am losing my sanity about what happened. But at least I have to admit that in order to do/act what he did/the way he did you must be very strong...in a bad way..but nevertheless strong.

 

Yeh, but you see, your strong too, in a GOOD way. Im a big believer in that life doesnt throw anything at you that you cant handle, it may hurt a great deal but you get through things and as i said, the positive in the end, when you come out the other side is strength and wisdom, might not feel like it now but it will come. One day youl find someone that would never dream of hurting you in the way your ex has xx

[catfeeder]

It feels as if I ceased to exist. No break up. No message from him - no reply to my attempts. No reason for the break up - nothing at all. His friends don't talk to me and ignore me. I feel as if I don't exist. The reason !? I don't know. I didn't cheat, I didn't lie...nothing at all. The fight was about my car - he forgot to bring it back to me...

I don't exist anymore...

 

I didn't email the last couple of months but I get mobbed by his friends because of what he tells them about me. That's why I tried to contact him after months of NC - to get him to stop bad-mouthing me.

 

I'm a bit confused. You say there was no end to the relationship, but you mention a fight. You say his friends ignore you, then you say they mob you.

 

Whatever happened during the fight was obviously the end for your ex, and he doesn't feel obligated to explain that to you. Sure, that's not ideal, but it does tell you what ended the relationship for him. His continued lack of contact is all you really need to understand. The only thing that will prompt a response from someone beyond a harassment complaint is a desire to engage contact with you again. He doesn't want to. That's all you need to know.

 

As for his friends, why do you need them? They're his. Why not just avoid them and move forward to form your own friendships?

 

We're missing too much information to be of much help to you. It sounds as though your parting fight was more dramatic than you care to speak of here. That's certainly your right, but how helpful is it to have a bunch of strangers who know even less than you about what happened support your unhappiness when your unhappiness hasn't worked to aid you away from a name like 'exback' in six months?

 

My heart goes out to you. I hope you'll consider a more constructive means of problem-solving than trying to provoke a person who doesn't want contact, because it honestly sounds as though you're focusing on the wrong problem.

 

In your corner.

[exback]

OKay in detail: He had my car for two weeks since I have been ill and didn't need it at that time. We agreed he would bring it back to me at tuesday/friday. I tried to call him once and he didn't react. Next day I wrote a text message telling him I need it - no answer. Then again a text message and he replied: I will bring you the car at some point...Waited 2 more days and asked him whether or not I should pick up my car on my own at his house since I need it. Again he didn't reply so I sent him an email telling him that I don't like to be ignored and that we are grown-ups!! He answered: I should stop nagging and calm down and that he has better things to do than me. He didn't tell me whether or not he will bring my car and I had just some hours left till I needed it and so I didn't reply but pick up my car on my own. Since that day he has not talked to me again.

Some of his friends ignore me and others (people I don't even know) corner me and tell me "Are you xy!? Your ex talks about you a lot. You come off badly" and that he was making fun about me telling them that I tried to get him back by all means! Additionally you should know that he did that "silent treatment" after every discussion we had and that I didn't know that his behaviour meant to be a break up this time. I tried to talk to him for weeks till I accepted it was not his usual punishment for me.

What is wrong about my name "exback" - it was just a name without a deeper meaning.

I am trying to provoke him!? I didn't react to that bad-mouthing for MONTHS because I thought he might stop! But at some point I think it is my right to do some kind of self-defence....

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

did you get your car back?

[exback]

Yes because I went to pick it up on my own. After tha he started ignoring me completely.

[HealingHandsWarmHeart]

then you do the same... and just laugh at his attempts to talk about you- stick with your own friends.. and people you know you can trust...

 

nevermind him - and contacting him etc.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you. It doesn't sound as though this man was really invested in your relationship at all. It sounds as though you believed he was your BF while he believed he had a car to cruise with for a week or longer.

 

To be rid of someone like that isn't a loss, it's a gift.

 

You deserve to have a loving relationship with a man who treats you well--especially if you fall ill. This was not that man. He's not worth your efforts to correct, as speaking badly of you only speaks of himself--nobody worth a friendship would think highly of a man who badmouths a woman, muchless a man who uses and mistreats a woman.

 

I hope your health is improving and I hope you'll be kind to yourself. Reward yourself for every step forward--you are worth it.

 

In your corner.

[exback]

Yes, thank you. I am better now.

[pinkelephant]

Lol. Ya, they usually do read what you have written. My ex would ignore me every time he got mad at me (yea, i kinda deserved it...~) but I know he read everything cus if anything serious came up (i needed help or w/e) he would drop everything for me.

 

Whether that's true or not of your ex, Idk. I think most people would be curious enough to read though, unless they're really busy, but I doubt it...