When a woman invites me into her house

[sunspot1982]

If a woman invites me into her house after taking her out on a date & I decline her offer does that kill her attraction for me?

 

Last night I went on a 3rd date with this girl & she thanked me for a good time & invited me to stay awhile. I politely declined saying that it's late & that I got to work in the morning. She also offered me a soda for the road. I also said no thanks.

 

The truth is that I was thirsty & I did want to stay but I wasn't ready to reveal that to her. As soon as I left I pulled up to the nearest 7 eleven 3 miles down the road & purchased a big gulp to take home.

 

I always think it's safer to decline a woman's offers for a drink or invitation to her house. I have no idea what would have happened but I always like to keep the first few dates short.

[shikashika]

Well I would definitely think he wasn't that interested.

 

If a guy is interested, I'd think an excuse like, "I'm thirsty" would be really lame.

 

I would probably start thinking about whether I wanted to pursue anything.

 

Are you that interested??

[deleted-account]

Not going in to stay a while is fine, but I don't see why you also refused a drink for the road. You probably left her wondering what she did wrong, and may feel you are no longer interested.

 

The way you fix this is you call her and set up date #4.

[shikashika]

Not going in to stay a while is fine, but I don't see why you also refused a drink for the road. You probably left her wondering what she did wrong, and may feel you are no longer interested.

 

The way you fix this is you call her and set up date #4.

 

yes, I agree.

 

why is this something you would not want to reveal to her.

 

Wanting a soda is something entirely different than "I have 6 children from 5 different women" kind of revealing....

[Samedy]

I agree with what has been said so far.

 

You can decline an invitation to go inside with someone, but they might get the impression you are not interested. If you are interested, it would be a good idea to give her a call (the next day like, not the "48 hour-rule").

[hers]

I'm not sure I understand what you don't want to reveal to her? That you were thirsty? Or that you take invitations from women when they ask you to come in? Or are you concerned with feeling too forward or like she was testing you as a gentleman or something?

 

If you're interested, rectify the situation by asking her out again, but she may think you're sending mixed signals, so take her up on her offer next time (and you can still be a polite gentleman once inside).

[happyfrank]

Based on my experience she could want you more.. I once turned down a girl going to her house she invited me a few days later for dinner at medieval times. I think you're good.

[sunspot1982]

Yeah it may have been a test to see if I would take advantage of the offer. If it was then I passed the test.

[waveseer]

Were you afraid she was going to put you in a compromising position and take advantage of you?

[hers]

I think it's a long shot that she was testing you. Who does that?

[sunspot1982]

I have a way of ruining an intimate moment with a woman. If she starts to get playful sexually or whatever then I immediately change the subject to work or projects that I need to get done around my house.

[waveseer]

I think you might be afraid of intimacy.

[guynextdoor]

This whole test thing sounds silly. If you showed her interest then she should be glad. If this is some sort of test thing thats just childish and she deserves the boot. No need for playing games.

[sunspot1982]

Maybe I am afraid of intimacy. I find myself making excuses to avoid the issue for as long as possible.

[waveseer]

It's a no-win situation. If you avoid intimacy long enough most women will lose interest so you will be rejected anyway. I suggest you investigate your feelings and resolve your fear.

[Samedy]

If you are afraid of intimacy, then why do you keep dating? There must be something you want, a closeness, from a relationship.

[sunspot1982]

If you are afraid of intimacy, then why do you keep dating? There must be something you want, a closeness, from a relationship.

 

 

Well the girl I'm seeing I'm kind of on the fence about. I want closeness & love real bad but once I get it I push it away.

[hers]

Well the girl I'm seeing I'm kind of on the fence about. I want closeness & love real bad but once I get it I push it away.

 

that's not very fair to the girls you date. perhaps it is better for you to take a break from dating and work on this issue so you don't jeopardize other people's feelings?

[Qut81]

I had the same issue last night. He wanted to go to dinner after the movie but I was tired and didnt want to go. So I went to avoid him thinking I wasnt interested.

 

So yes, she prob did think you werent interested. Did you send her a "I had a great time" text after? If not, you can still call her the next day.

[oldenoughtoknow]

I think you handled it well. You politely declined, saying you had to work in the morning. I'm sure she doesn't want to date an unemployed loser, or someone who doesn't take their job seriously. I wouldn't think twice about the soda thing. Big deal.

 

I also don't think this was a test. She wouldn't have invited you in if she weren't into you. If you had the time, you could have gone in and still behaved like a gentleman. If she was at all worried that you were going to behave inappropriately, she never would have invited you in. So your decline wasn't part of a test.

 

She may well be wondering about your level of interest at this point. When a woman puts herself out there like that, they aren't used to being turned down very often. I would call her right away and setup the next date. Then she can believe your excuse for going home and know that you're still interested in her. Problem solved.