Megg23 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I am a very busy girl. I work full time and I go to school full time. Between school, studying, working, and sleeping I don't have a ton of spare time. I spend about 5 nights a week at my boyfriends (sleeping over is the best way for us to still feel like we get to spend more time together) (also I am planning on moving in with him once I finish my fall semester of school). He knows how pressed for spare time I am and he understands. I have several good friends who are in relationships as well and we all do group things together a lot. I also have several good friends who are single and want to go out with my man tagging along. Probably once a month all my girlfriends (single and taken) get together and have a girls night out. I love my girls night out because I can gossip and have a good time catching up with my friends. We will go out dancing, or to a concert, or just to dinner, it varies all the time. My boyfriend has recently started getting jealous of my nights out. He's not necessarily worried about me cheating but that I enjoy my girls nights more than I enjoy being with him. And I do look forward to my girls nights because it's something new, it's not because I have more fun when he's not around. He has trouble understanding this. Also his feelings get hurt because I don't invite him to come along. It's called a GIRLS night!! He invites me to his boys poker night and I always decline because I don't wanna sit around a bunch of boys burping and farting and gambling. But he thinks that because he invites me that I need to invite him. And I know if I extend the invatation that he will accept it and tag along. How do I make him relax about my nights out with my girl friends? I don't want to give up my time with my girl friends but I'm sick of the guilt trip I get when I come home from a GNO. Help!! Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 tell him to grow up. hanging out with your girlfriends is really important and if he doesn't get why you'd want to do that, i would find a new boyfriend. that's just me. Link to comment
DN Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I would say to him that he is either being clingy and/or distrusting and that his attitude is putting the relationship in jeopardy. If he wants to be with you he needs to understand that behaviour like his is supremely unattractive and that you will not be with him if he continues. Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 That is a tough one. He doesn't understand why as he invites you. Maybe he would like it. Maybe he feels bad because you never invite him. Thinking you are embarrassed of him hanging with you on the night out? Honestly. Do the girls you hang out with give thier guys friends the chance to come along? He maybe thinking along the lines of fairs fair by how he invites you to the guys night even though you may not enjoy it with what he does, but you do not want him to be included in the girls night even though he may enjoy what you do. Link to comment
guynextdoor Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 You bf has to get over it. He must have known when you two were dating that you have your girls night out. None of that should change now because you two are a couple. Link to comment
Megg23 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 He has said before that he thinks it's because I'm embarrassed of him, and I have tried to assure him that that is not the case, but he doesn't always believe me. Occassionally the girls night will include a few guys (someones bday or a concert a particular guy friend really wanted to go to) and when I know that it's more than just the girls I invite him to come along. Hopefully he will lose this insecurity he's been having That is a tough one. He doesn't understand why as he invites you. Maybe he would like it. Maybe he feels bad because you never invite him. Thinking you are embarrassed of him hanging with you on the night out? Honestly. Do the girls you hang out with give thier guys friends the chance to come along? He maybe thinking along the lines of fairs fair by how he invites you to the guys night even though you may not enjoy it with what he does, but you do not want him to be included in the girls night even though he may enjoy what you do. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 i recently went on a girls' vacation, and the topic of most of our conversations was pregnancy, men, our periods, waxing, stomach problems and makeup. i can't think of a single man who would have wanted in on these conversations. hahaha, maybe you should invite him along to such a dinner, tell your friends to spend the entire night talking about their periods, and see how fast your boyfriend runs out of the restaurant screaming! Link to comment
nutbrownhare Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 i recently went on a girls' vacation, and the topic of most of our conversations was pregnancy, men, our periods, waxing, stomach problems and makeup. i can't think of a single man who would have wanted in on these conversations. hahaha, maybe you should invite him along to such a dinner, tell your friends to spend the entire night talking about their periods, and see how fast your boyfriend runs out of the restaurant screaming! Actually, I was going to suggest something similar. Maybe throw in a few gory tales about childbirth, too. I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing things like that in mixed company, and once he realises that there are certain subjects which really are best left to girls' nights out he may feel more comfortable with the whole idea of you going on your own! Link to comment
In the Dark Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 i recently went on a girls' vacation, and the topic of most of our conversations was pregnancy, men, our periods, waxing, stomach problems and makeup. i can't think of a single man who would have wanted in on these conversations. hahaha, maybe you should invite him along to such a dinner, tell your friends to spend the entire night talking about their periods, and see how fast your boyfriend runs out of the restaurant screaming! Good idea. Link to comment
loulee Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 But he thinks that because he invites me that I need to invite him. And I know if I extend the invatation that he will accept it and tag along. Your boyfriend is insecure and jealous whether he faces it or not ..Not only that this comment He has said before that he thinks it's because I'm embarrassed of him, and I have tried to assure him that that is not the case, but he doesn't always believe me. is really and attempt to make YOU fell GUILTY because of his own insecurity issues. he is not facing his real fears of losing you and his own neediness and possessiveness. I would be insulted if my own partner who I clearly adored told me he thinks I am embarrassed by him Think about this?? You know within yourself you have not made him feel this way at any time so how dare he think you could even feel this way. It sure isnt a compliment, it is emotionally manipulative.. Dont fall into this guilt trap..make a nice but firm stand . let him know the problem lies with him NOT you. let him know clearly that your nights out will not cease regardless that they are important not only to you BUT also to your relationship Staying in touch with friends is paramount to balance your relationship, Once you start to rely just on each other for all of your special moments or fun times both of you will become co dependant and this is very destructive. Stop reassuring him you have done enough of this.. Start telling him to DEAL with it positively as you will NOT be made to feel guilty for catching up with the girls.. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I'd invite him and then go do the girliest things that you guys can think of and completely embarrass the crap out of him. Wear matching girly pink tank tops and tiaras and yell those girl yells at every moment and go clothe's shopping and to poetry readings and talk about feminine products. Or, you could through a makeup party and make it really bad for him. If he wants to come to a "girl's night" he can come, but he's getting one full blast of estrogen. He'll find out what "girls night" means and he'll not want to come again. Link to comment
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