lost1607307474 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I am a very social person. I go out lots, love going to parties, meeting and talking to new people, and making friends. I have also been in a steady relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 years. Whenever I go out, and especially when I am talking to guys, I tend to tastefully mention in the conversation that I have a boyfriend so that they don't get the wrong idea. The problem is, whenever people discover I have a boyfriend, they no longer want to talk to me! Whether I'm alone, or with my boyfriend, people just don't want to talk to us. Despite us being very friendly, outgoing people who love making new friends. It just really bugs me, I guess especially since the other night I went to a party (without my boyfriend) and found myself having nobody to talk to because as soon as guys found out I had a boyfriend they were no longer interested in talking to me. Do people ONLY go out these days to pick up? This makes me really sad. Does anyone have any tips/ advice for social situations like these or experience something similar? Link to comment
PsychGirly Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Why are you mentioning to these guys that you have a bf? I guess I can understand why it throws them off. If you're at a social gathering & just socializing, people can get intimidated if you throw in the "I have a bf" line. If you know you're faithful & the guys are being respectful of your boundaries, there's no need to mention that. Link to comment
SpeedingCars Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Well the guys who approach you probably want to get to know you as a potential girlfriend, but once you mention you have a boyfriend... there's no point in pursuing anything further. I don't think they wanted a friendship with you. I'd have to say yeah, a lot of guys go to a party to meet a girl (that's from what I've seen). As far as people in GENERAL not talking to you... I know how that goes. There are some people I am not close to because they have a SO. It's not on purpose, like "Oh, she has a boyfriend... I can't be a close friend to her". It just feels weird... like although I am talking to one of my friends, it feels like I'm talking to her AND her boyfriend. Like they are "as one". If I am single, I find myself gravitating to my single friends... we seem to have more in common and I don't feel so left out. It's not a conscious decision, though... as if I purposely avoid the ones that are in a relationship. It's just that sometimes they can't relate to the loneliness. Link to comment
waveseer Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Maybe a man will stop in and verify this but generally if you send out "off limits" signals they will be respected. Link to comment
ResonanceTheory Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 It depends on where you are and what the atmosphere is. At a bar/party/club, generally the vibe is that everyone is there to flirt and mingle. Try going with a big group of friends...if you're outgoing and hang out and meet people with your BF, you'll soon become known as the "cute couple" instead of the "cute girl who has a BF and is off-limits". I can commiserate, after my BF and I moved in together, people wanted little to do with us, even though we still wanted to go out to clubs and bars. There's a pretty naive assumption held by many single people that people in relationship no longer desire or know how to have fun. Link to comment
lost1607307474 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 Why are you mentioning to these guys that you have a bf? I guess I can understand why it throws them off. If you're at a social gathering & just socializing, people can get intimidated if you throw in the "I have a bf" line. If you know you're faithful & the guys are being respectful of your boundaries, there's no need to mention that. I don't just come out and say "I have a boyfriend." I'll just throw it into the conversation like, "oh yeah, once my boyfriend and I went there too!" The reason I casually throw it into conversation is because whenever I DON'T mention it the guy seems to get pissed that I didn't mention it because he thought I was interested by talking to him and therefore gave him the wrong idea.... It seems to be a lose/lose situation. I mention I have a boyfriend, noone wants to talk to me. I DON'T mention I have a boyfriend and guys think I'm interested in them. Link to comment
lost1607307474 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 And thanks for everyone elses comments! I can understand now why people wouldn't want to approach me and talk to me because I have a boyfriend... but it also makes me sad because I'm such an outgoing person who loves to make new friends. Link to comment
orangesoda Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I'm not sure why you're surprised with the guy's reactions - they're there to meet new girls to date. Most guys aren't working out, dressing up, cutting their hair, shaving, slapping on cologne, washing their cars, then stepping out the door thinking "Woohoo! Saturday night baby! Gonna go chat up some girls and be 'just friends'! Awesome!" Link to comment
rissamay Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 omg i know the feeling. i just want to make lots of friends but it is true- single people want to hang with single people. it's a bummer when i feel the need to branch out, it's a bit of a struggle to strive to have many friends (including guys) AND a boyfriend in my life. Link to comment
lost1607307474 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 I'm not sure why you're surprised with the guy's reactions - they're there to meet new girls to date. Most guys aren't working out, dressing up, cutting their hair, shaving, slapping on cologne, washing their cars, then stepping out the door thinking "Woohoo! Saturday night baby! Gonna go chat up some girls and be 'just friends'! Awesome!" I know, I know. But like, I'm not entirely talking about clubs/ bars. Most of the time it's a friends' party or something I'm invited to, so I go, and then wonder why I even bothered going because there's noone to talk to.... Link to comment
littlestar Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I think a lot of people just see pursuing a friendship with someone of the opposite sex who is already attached is just to much hassle and the potential for things to get nasty in the longer term. Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 what about talking to women at these parties? Link to comment
DaBladeRoden Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 Well if you really wanted to make guy friends at parties, then the best way is to get rid of the boyfriend. Link to comment
lost1607307474 Posted August 13, 2009 Author Share Posted August 13, 2009 what about talking to women at these parties? Well if you really wanted to make guy friends at parties, then the best way is to get rid of the boyfriend. I don't want to make guy friends at parties, I just want to make friends in general. Not even women are interested in talking when I have my boyfriend with me. Or even when I'm not with my boyfriend they're too interested in picking up guys. Alas... I guess it's just the way the world goes? Link to comment
annie24 Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 what about joining some club or organization or group where you can meet people naturally. (dance class, church group, theater, etc....) Link to comment
Doc Blaze Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I think a lot of people just see pursuing a friendship with someone of the opposite sex who is already attached is just to much hassle and the potential for things to get nasty in the longer term. i agree.ive recently had problems like this, and they ended up wanting to blame the who situation on me.](*,) Link to comment
savignon Posted August 13, 2009 Share Posted August 13, 2009 I guess most people at parties/bars/etc. aren't looking for platonic friends. Men or women. My best guess is that guys obviously aren't going to pursue a friendship with a girl who has a boyfriend and a girl who's single might assume you'd be too busy to really start up a new friendship. Now what you should do is meet up with men and women who ALSO have boyfriends/girlfriends and then you can double date Link to comment
Dinka Posted August 14, 2009 Share Posted August 14, 2009 At these venues - bars, clubs, parties... - boys and girls alike aren't interested in talking to anyone of the same sex or anyone of the opposite sex who isn't single. They're interested in finding a hook up of the night. What about making friends with other couples? Seek out those like yourself. You'll be surprised how many other friends they have that THEY can introduce you to on a completely platonic level. Link to comment
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