Good signs for some action?

[bostonchiiiiica]

It's been 3 weeks since he ended our 4 year relationship ended. I have contacted him a few times now and he is friendly. We don't talk about "us," we just talk about what we've been up to. He makes it clear when we talk that he's happy without me and I know for sure that he wants space and doesn't want to be with me, but is the fact that he talks to me whenever I ask a good sign? I'm afraid it's because he's trying to turn us into friends, but I also think it means he wants to know what I've been doing.

Because he's being friendly, in a few days, I'm going to ask him to go to a concert with him "as friends." Hopefully the concert goes well...I plan to be flirty, kind of act like I just have a crush on him. I then plan to try to "seduce" him if it goes well at the concert. I know it sounds crazy but I want to take him be surprise and sweep him off his feet so he'll give me one more chance. I have chaned in our time apart, and I feel like I can act like the concert is like a first date with someone new, even though he won't know it until later. What do you think?

 

Thank you!

[Something funny]

Why did the relationship end? Because he wanted more space? If so, maybe you should wait some more and cut the contact a bit. Maybe a few more weeks, I don't know.

 

Otherwise, your plan sounds good to me.

[Crushed]

The above questions are good. I wouldn't be worried about being put on the friend level. For guys that line is far more blurred and maleable than with women. But give him his space and when you see him with out saying it remind him of why you were together.

[LittleSister]

Boston,

 

About 4 months ago, my fiance also ended our 4 year relationship. It ended because he realized that he hadn't dated enough people and lived his life as a single guy enough. He told me that he had been so afraid of us getting married and it not working out and he didn't want to hurt me in the end so we shouldn't be together.

 

His contact with you, after four years it is normal for him to wonder what you have been doing, please don't read into this too much. My ex and I kept contact for 3 months, we ended on a good note and it was easy to talk every once in a while. However, and please think about whether you find yourself doing the same thing..... I found myself unable to move on at first because every time he contacted me, I would immediately reply, or call him back, and then just sit around and wait for his response. If I emailed him first, I would constantly check my inbox for his reply, which would not come for a day or two, but as soon as it did, I would jump at the chance to immediately reply to him again.

 

Your Ex has told you that he is happy without you. My advice, He hasnt had the chance to miss you yet. If you are still talking, you havent given him the chance to wonder what you are up to and see what life truly without you will be like. Sever contact for a while, let him wonder about you. Don't tell him everything you have been doing. Try not to contact him for a while. LET HIM MISS YOU. It is difficult, especially in the beginning. He can only miss you when there is an obvious lack of presense.

 

As for seducing him, think of how you will feel if he accepts your offer, things happen and he still doesn't want to get back together. Do you truly think it would be a good idea to let this happen. At this point, you need to balance trying to win him back with taking care of yourself. You come first now, he wants space.

 

With my ex, he broke up with me to be single and date. He also began dating a girl at his work, who I had some reservations about while we were still together. They are now together seriously. I put my energy into dating new people and seeing what else was out there.... the result: I have had the best 4 months of my life. I never understood how much fun dating could be, and how easy it is to get out there. I have met so many great people and now see that I deserve so much better than what I had. My ex left me to be single, he got straight into a new relationship. I'm the one who is single, and I am having an absolute BLAST.

 

Chica....

Take care of yourself first right now.

Give him the chance to miss you.

Separate yourself from him and make him wonder.

Weigh the pros and cons of seduction and think about the potential pain there.

 

Good luck. Keep posting your progress, I'll keep up with it.

[bostonchiiiiica]

Thanks for all the replies, I really appreciate it.

 

However, my problem is, Little Sister---I don't want to give him time to miss me. That will not work in our case. He is ready to move on, but I have to get him to give me one last chance to make it right. If I wait, he will move on, but I will live in regret. I've got to jump at my chance before it is too late. I am pretty sure about that. So what do you think now?

 

Thank you!!

[LittleSister]

What I think now .... You seem to know what you need to do. If that is the case and you truly believe this is the best way to go about this situation, then you will not be happy until you know you have done everything in your power to show him what you want. If in the end he still moves on, then you should be content in the fact that you did everything you could have.

 

I understand from personal experience, especially the one I am in now, that it is much easier to look in from the outside and give advice. Living on the inside and putting advice into action is much much more difficult. Just remember in the end you come first. Value yourself and do what is right for you. Evaluate each situation as it is and for what it means to you and try to save yourself as much unneeded pain as possible. Good luck.