Friends always seem to dissapear or let me down

[SapphireNoir10]

I dont get this. I have tonnes of casual friends/aquaintances who I go out with for drinks/clubs etc. Get on with them fine.

 

But any proper friends I make seem to disappear. Like several start hating me for NO reason whatsover, or just cut me out their lives.

 

People say its because Im too nice, and the fact I expect honesty and respect from my friends puts them off? I dont demand it I just dont like people talking about me behind my back.

 

I just hate it when friends drop me or start talking about me nastily.

 

I feel like every friend lets me down in the end. And whats the point of friends when they either move on and ditch me or start hating me?

 

I mean even the greatest friends who have been there for ages, just stop talking to me sometimes for ages, then expect us to be best buds again.

 

And my own friends believe stupid stories, hurtful stuff about me.

[guynextdoor]

Its hard to find a loyal friends blue. Just gotta weed them out. Just remember the only person you can rely on is yourself. Even my closest friends I known for 20yrs I couldn't count on them.

[SapphireNoir10]

Its hard. Like I give everything as friend, advice, comfort, Im always there to help. If i ever need the same courtesy they just run.

 

I feel like no one really likes me, they just use me, until im useless, then their gone. Why is it so hard to find good friends? I've had ONE friend I compeltely trusted and as soon as they went to Uni I never heard from them again.

 

Im nice, social,theres nothing WEIRD about me I have loadsa casual friends

[guynextdoor]

I been there, and you would think out of respect they do the same for you. What I found out was I had high expectations of them. Just gotta face the fact that its not the case.

[uofagirl]

Good friends are hard to come by. This is know. I'm going through something simliar myself.

 

I had this problem growing up also. Had a ton of "friends" and as I grew up, they all weened off. Only a few held on. That's just life. It's hard to meet good people. Ones you can truly trust.

[SapphireNoir10]

I just hate how people start literally disliking me for no reason. Genuinley when Im like 'Well whats up?' They dont have a clue.

[jul-els]

Having friends is all well and good but they don't last forever. Just like SO's (usually) and pets. You get what you were meant to get from the relationship and you move on. The only people you can count on to always be there are your family (usually) and yourself. Everything else is a learning experience.

[SapphireNoir10]

Thanks. It just hurts, like I turn it round on myself and punish myself, as if im a bad person for chasing people away.

[jul-els]

You're not. You're just clearing the way for what's around the next corner!

[SapphireNoir10]

Thank you I just get all stupid and thinks it me, my fault, I must be a terrible friend.

 

I usually get the type of friends that use me when they want me, disappear then come back when they need a shoulder to cry on. Sucks!

[jul-els]

No great loss then. Don't sweat it.

[catfeeder]

My heart goes out to you. You sound like an early bloomer, and maybe you've outgrown pettiness at an age where most girls are learning to test their powers at manipulation and their ability to use people for specific gains.

 

For instance, if you don't gossip, you're ahead of your time--but not very entertaining for someone who likes to shred people. So if you won't play, she'll just shred you. If you're sincere about sharing valid interests, you might be running accross people who are only self-interested and on a hunt for someone who can be used as an ornament to go out with for attention-seeking.

 

Early bloomers--people who mature out of childishness early, and late bloomers--people who don't grow into social norms until they mature in other ways, suffer their own unique social pains. Things is, everyone suffers one kind of social problem or another--everyone just hides it until they grow out of it. Then it's fun to discuss! Think of how many celebrities confess to being awkward or unhappy in their teens and twenties.

 

The up side to all this social hell is, it preps you to REALLY appreciate a good friend when you come accross one. This is why old fashioned wisdom speaks of how lucky a person is to have one good friend.

 

It's not hopeless, it's just different than when we were young and innocent. It's no longer realistic to expect that others will fall into step with being our 'everything' the way our best friends could pull that off when we were kids. But we were blank slates then, finding it easier to blend ourselves with others in ways that are impossible as you grow into yourself and your own values and your own defined personality.

 

Let superficial kids pass early, and just keep plowing forward as you explore different personalities and interests. Don't seek instant attachments, and don't confide anything you learn about someone else to anyone else--that's the stuff that will blow up in your face as people test who is trustworthy, and who will turn disloyal the minute one's back is turned. The key is to do observe and note these telling tests of others, yourself. You'll find that anyone who'd stab someone else will easily turn the same knife on you. This will clear your slate of wastes of time. You'll be smarter and kinder, but not always everybody's best friend, for the experience.

 

In your corner.

[caro33]

When I was age I felt the same way - in fact I was like that until I was 21 or so. Until then, I found that friends were very much 'fair weather friends'. I was deeply insecure about it, and to this day I still don't really believe people like me or will stick with me. This is not true though - I've now had some terrific friends for 14 years.

 

What I have 'learned' is -

- When you are young no one really knows who they are yet, and they don't necessarily have the confidence or wherewithal to stick with people. So if you drop out of someone's circle then it's very much 'out of sight, out of mind'. It feels personal, but by and large it's actually not. People are going through major life changes, such as going to Uni, starting careers, forming serious relationships etc, and they go into their little cocoons.

- The number of friends does not matter, it's the quality.

- If someone is flaky with another of their friends, they'll be flaky with you.

- Stay away from drama queens/kings and make sure that others don't think you are one.

- If you are going through adult stuff that most of your friends don't get because it hasn't happened to them (yet), they will be uncomfortable with you. Being uncomfortable will mean they don't like being around you as much and may shut you out. Now you can't help some of these things, but just watch how you come accross with the people you really value. If you are doing your best and still being shut out, at least try and take some comfort that the same thing will happen to these people one day. It will.