Advantages of being single?

[pip]

I've noticed there's a lot of heart-ache around here about failed relationships, unrequited love, and so on (yeah I've been there too) so I was wondering what everyone thinks about the advantages of being single? As someone who's come out of a really intense, emotionally-destroying relationship, I'm trying to feel really empowered about being single and loving *myself* for a change. What do you guys see as positives of being single?

[Sn0man]

1) You have no commitments to anyone other than yourself

 

2) YOU make the rules

 

3) You're free to do as you wish

 

4) You have no dependedcies on anyone

 

5) You get to do the things that interest you, and not what interests your partner

 

6) You find yourself

 

7) You grow stronger, and become cofident with yourself

 

I could probably go on and on here, but ill leave that to the other members

 

Sn0man

[mahlina]

Freedom, Space

More time to be autonmous

Time to Reflect

More spending money

Meeting 'new' people

Actually doing fun things that singles do

Extra cash to spend on fasionable stuff like perfumes/clothing

Independence

More time for 'girl-bonding'

More time to enjoy the beach

More time to watch my fav T.V. shows and movies

More time to exercise

Extra time to focus on homework

Less money spent on $$cellphone bills$$

More time to read and explore new ideas/new concepts.

 

It's basically a time for 'reinvention,' which helps me to get in touch with my youth, allowing me to feel vibrant, and not tied down, like an old-hag, who's commited to a significant other's family/friends. I get to feel more effervescent! Actually, singles life is NOT too bad....Nice topic Pip!

[pip]

Good points. I guess I'd also add that exciting feeling of being able to go out and flirt with the opposite sex! It's a great feeling

[Lone Dragon]

Another MASTADONIAN adavantage of being single is the personal drive to become sucessful in life and in business.

 

This is why I am so grateful that my ex dumped me 15 years ago, had it not been for her, I would have been stuck in a job that I hate and that she likes. ( She wanted me to become a lawyer)

 

I have my own Dojo which has 150 students currently actively training and achieved 3 Black Belts in Karate, Kobudo and Taekwondo.

 

Don't get me wrong, I do go out on a date once in a while and often nothing serious.

 

I believed that when you become sucessful in life, happiness will soon follow naturally.

[neva_black_n_white]

knowing how to stand your own, and being what you want to be.

having little things tie you down

if their possessive then you dont feel as suffocated

relief sometimes

reflection

a kick up the backside to see reality

 

i dont know, i guess there are the ups and downs to it, but it takes alot to realise the good you know?

i wouldnt welcome a breakup unless the relationship was not well. you know?

 

kel

[Jabe]

Everything you guys just said in this post you can do with a giilfriend/boyfriend. So why not enjoy all those things , your favourites with someone you love? Sirry to turn the tables. but I couldn't resist.

[Lone Dragon]

Everything you guys just said in this post you can do with a giilfriend/boyfriend. So why not enjoy all those things , your favourites with someone you love? Sirry to turn the tables. but I couldn't resist.

 

Hi Jabe,

 

Not quiet %100 accurate, Sorry, truth of the matter is that there certain things in life that takes all your time and efforts. If a man or woman has the time to have the patience yes, it would work, but often it is a rare occurrence.

 

This is one of the many reason that I cannot keep a relationship effectively. And it is for this reason that I recently "turned away" the potential soul mate of my life.

 

When you are involved with someone, you have to consider the other person. You cannot treat relationship as "singular" it will never work. Relationship requires work and attention. Never take anything for granted.

[pip]

Everything you guys just said in this post you can do with a giilfriend/boyfriend. So why not enjoy all those things , your favourites with someone you love? Sirry to turn the tables. but I couldn't resist.

 

Uh, Jabe, the point of this topic is to help people feel better about not being with someone. You're right in that it is possible to have these kinds of things when you are in a relationship, but you're not being helpful by posting messages like this.

 

This topic was supposed to help ease the heart-ache of those who've suffered relationship breakdown and make them realise that life as a single can also be fulfilling.

[Stefi]

Hi, I'm new here but I saw this topic and I thought I might add my own perspective. Sorry it's a bit long, but this question got me thinking -and that can be dangerous!

 

I'm single, and I enjoy my single life.

I love being able to go with my sister, my best friend to movies, concerts anytime

I can speak and flirt with anyone without my significant other getting jealous.

I don't have to deal with someone else's emotional baggage from past relationships (I know it sounds mean, but I'm sure we've all encountered it)

 

 

I think that since very young, our society encourages romantic relationships even more so than in other cultures. In our society we feel pressure to start dating and having "experiences" in our teens. People are socialized into thinking that being single is a bad thing, that if you're not in a romantic relationship, you need "help".

 

If you really think about it, most people in our society start dating when they're about 15 (and that number is probably conservative) and then till the day they die they'll continue "chain-dating" (not counting marriages). Most people (with some exceptions) will not know what to do with themselves if they ever find themselves single for more than a year.

 

Like they say, if you cannot be or don't know how to be happy by yourself, then you won't be happy when you're with someone else. I think most people spend so much of their lives and emotional energy trying to find their "soulmates".

 

I think people would be more successful at it if they spent some time knowing who they are and why they do the things they do, and what they want. It's hard to try to do these things when you're having to think of someone else's wants and needs at the same time.

[Jabe]

Oh I see Pip is a little testy .. I am just saying .. I was single for the longest time and now I'm with someone and it's great .. Just saying my opinions .. which is what this forum is about .. and by reading other people's joy's of being single .. how does that make someone feel better?

[mahlina]

You guys have all excellent points! Thanks for the insight actually! I've been thinking about this for the past few days...

 

1. Pip

This topic was supposed to help ease the heart-ache of those who've suffered relationship breakdown and make them realise that life as a single can also be fulfilling.

I'm REALLY glad that you brought up this topic! Now I realized, hey, just because the relationship didn't work out, it doesn't mean that it's the end of the world! Plus, we need to celebrate our 'single-hood' sometimes! Be thankful, right?! We need to enjoy our vibrantness, and youth, by knowing that we can date, and choose to get to know the people that we meet! It's far more fun, to know that there are plenty of fishes out there! Rather than focusing our thoughts on those who will not appreciate us!

 

2. Stefi

I think people would be more successful at it if they spent some time knowing who they are and why they do the things they do, and what they want.

Wow! Words of Wisdom! That's sooo true. I think that in any healthy and mature relationships, both couples need to work on and resolve their own past issues, before they can actually consider being in any 'serious' relationships! I think that you're right! It's best to be happy with yourself! Then, you can be with someone else! Because, if a person's not happy with themselves, then how can they make another person happy right?! That's true!

 

3. Lone Dragon

I believed that when you become sucessful in life, happiness will soon follow naturally.When you are involved with someone, you have to consider the other person.

Agreed! I think that if you are successful with yourself, and feel that self-fulfillment, then that is the 'right' time to meet someone. thereforeeee, I find that it's tough, at least for me, to date someone during college, because, I haven't even been able to fend for myself. I need to be on my own to make my own adult decisions, before I can be with anyone, who I want to consider a 'potential.' I mean, there's nothing wrong with dating someone exclusively, during those years, in which you're trying to settle your into own life, and build up your own carrer. But, relationship does require a ton of commitment. Unfortunately, time is not a best 'factor.' I give much props to those who make it, and do end up marrying their college sweethearts! Besides, it's best for people to know who they are, by gaining that confidence and perspective in life, knowing that they can be 'independent and on their own,' before they can find that 'special someone.' It makes life a lot easier, knowing that you've already made it to the finish line, and have less hurdles to face. Then, both people can focus on building that love for one another, knowing that they've both accomplished their goals.

 

You cannot treat relationship as "singular" it will never work. Relationship requires work and attention. Never take anything for granted.

That's true! Another great point! That's why being in a serious relationship is like 'hot potato' sometimes, I'll freak out, and throw it out the window. It's like a self-defense mechanism. Meanwhile, when we do decide to give in our all, we give our partners everything. We put out our commitment, by expeding all of our time and energy. It's like we've given so much of ourselves, that we forget about who we are, and what we need. Instead, we focus too much on our partner's happiness, that we feel at lost with ourselves. At least, that's how I feel.

 

Just babbling...But your guys' repsonse really helped me to gain some insight! So thanks all!

 

This topic helped me to pull out of my emotional dwelling. Jabe, that's awesome that you can enjoy your single life-style, even in a 'serious' commitment. That's so hard for me though…It's so hard to find that balance for me. That's why the previous posters brought up excellent points. Words of Wisdom! You guys all rock! I hope to see that I can feel 'effervescent' with a partner someday, who I can carry on my 'singles' quality, without feeling scared to completely be 'myself'. It's sooo hard to find that person who I can trust, who can understand all of the angst and pains that I went through. thereforeeee, a lot of the times, it's hard for me to let my guard down, without feeling a little defiant, or shaky! That's why, I'll take Stefi's advice into consideration, and work on myself first, before I commit myself to another 'serious' relationship.

 

Meanwhile, I will enjoy my 'singles' life! Yay!

 

Much Luv,

Mahlina

 

Fascinating Topic! Once again! Thanks-Pip, for the 'Up-lifting Subject!!!! I feel much better now! Thanks to the rest of you guys! I really enjoyed your responses!

[landclark]

Don't get me wrong, being in a relationship, a good relationship, is awesome, and I would choose that over being single any day. However, after just coming off a serious heartbreak, I am trying desperately to find a way to cope. So thereforeeee, I have decided to write down the advantages to being single, for my own well being, and everything posted here has helped so much. I just want to add:

 

1.Although there is a serious lack of umm, intimacy, birth control is expensive and it makes me nauseous.

2.No more yucky low carb meals because your significant other decides to try the latest fad diet.

3.When you feel alone, it's because you really are. Ok, that may not seem like a good thing, but trust me, much better to be really alone.

4.Don't have to worry about whether or not my apartment is clean enough.

5.You realize that you can believe in soul mates but that you don't have to be with your soul mate to be happy. (ok, still working on that one).

 

So, as I said, I would choose a good relationship over this any day, but, it's not so bad being single every once in a while either.

[NightLily]

Landclark, your post nearly made ME depressed about being single I'm just poking fun at you of course.

 

Anyways, I would say some reasons that being single is good are:

 

-being able to check out all the guys you want and potentially have any guy you want. Yes, this is shallow, but it is also very true an empowering.

 

-when you break up, you need people to help you through it, so usually, as a result, your relationships with others can become stronger.

 

-because of the break up you'll also learn a lot more about yourself and what you want in a man or in life. Most likely, this will increase your chances at one day finding the right guy for you

 

-grades, work, sometimes fitness.. they can all improve

 

-you get to go through the rush and excitement of falling in love with somebody else even sooner.

 

heh. Those are the best reasons I can think of. I'm still getting over a seriously intense break up myself, but it is like.. nearly 2 months.. wow.. *heart aches*.. well .. 2 months ago about that we broke up..

 

now.. I got myself depressed.. err..

 

hope that helps