Crossroads... difficult decisions

[onetheedge]

Hello – first post. I’ve decided to come here for a few opinions regarding some relationships in my life at the moment – I feel they are changing who I am and I don’t think it’s who I want to be. Sorry for it being so long, I did try and make it as short as possible but I think most of what I have said is important.

 

I have just ended a 2 and a half year relationship with my girlfriend. Since Christmas the relationship has been slowly going down hill; it was at the stage I was happy when she was working weekends as it meant I could do my own thing. I began to look forward to when she went on trips home to visit her parents etc… Things I should not want if I truly wanted to be with her.

 

A brief history of our relationship, we met in 2007 and soon started seeing each other on a fairly regular basis, we both wanted to be with each other all the time and we were almost inseparable. That summer I was in between jobs so I went with her to the US to visit her parents and basically have a long holiday out there.

 

On return I found work almost immediately and things went very well for the rest of that year and indeed the next year.

 

Last December she went home to see her family and now I knew things were going bad, I was glad she had left, I was almost annoyed I had to call her. From past experience going right back to my teenage years Christmas has always been a time where you want to be even closer to your girlfriend – I always seem to pick the ones who’s family live hundreds or in more recent times thousands of miles away!

 

Anyway she came back in January of this year and things were fine when we were together although this feeling of being glad when she was away was becoming more prominent.

 

About 2 months ago she was going through a really stressful time and she felt the relationship was not working – I fully agreed although possibly – and stupidly – didn’t fully express my feelings with regard to the whole relationship and its obvious failings. I said we should wait until she is through this stressful time as it would no doubt be having an affect on the relationship and it may also cloud her judgement. No more was said.

 

4 weeks ago we were the pub with some friends, she got there first and on arrival I see her sitting in the far corner of a big table and she is boxed in by a lot of people. She barely acknowledges my presence and continues to talk with her friends. I sit down next to a girl who I knew quite well and started to talk to her. About an hour later I was still talking to her, my girlfriend still chatting away.

 

The girl I was talking to now started making some advances, she would make comments quietly to me which started fairly innocently and ended in her basically saying that if I would like to sleep with her she would be more than happy and that my girlfriend didn’t need to know. She did this I know now, because my girlfriend had told her and others that we were on the rocks – so this was probably her rational for being very direct with me. She also told me, that she would NOT go out with me because she’s not that type of girl and that I would not be the only one and those were the rules so to speak.

 

I didn’t take her up on her offer, in that I didn’t really reply to her, she seemed happy just to tell me how it could be and didn’t really require any feedback from me. I just sort of smiled it off and continued talking.

 

Later that night when no one was about she grabbed my hand pulled me aside and kissed me, I didn’t kiss her back but I didn’t stop her. We then kissed several times throughout the night.

 

That night I went home and told my girlfriend what had happened just so she didn’t hear it through her friends if anyone happened to see and she was OK about it – which I thought was a little weird I thought she would have had something to say.

 

The following day I get a call saying not to worry about anything because my girlfriend had done exactly the same thing that night too (now I see why she didn’t comment).

 

We broke up on Saturday and on Sunday I slept with the other girl, which I know is wholly insensitive and I should not have done that so soon.

 

We have now been hanging out and sleeping with each other since that Sunday, we get on really well, we have a lot of good fun, we go out places its been good – it’s certainly taken my mind off the break up.

 

The problem (and it probably serves me right) is that now I want to let myself fall for her; I am really struggling to keep myself from doing so. I know the rules; I know I would end up hurt because she clearly is the promiscuous type. I would love to make her my girlfriend sometime in the future and I keep telling myself I will be able to win her over and change her, but I really can’t and as soon as there is any slack in the relationship she will simply go out and cheat on me. I would still want to see her even without the sex so I don’t want to say anything to scare her off and ruin it all, she is after all a friend first.

 

I am not this type of person I have always been monogamous and would obviously want the same in return from my partner.

 

I am now wondering should I end the sex with this girl and put the effort into fixing things with my ex but then, I really don’t see my self with her for the rest of my life, is there any point in trying to rekindle something I don’t want for good. Or should I really call it quits and start completely fresh. That will leave me thinking too much about where the next one is, how I will meet her and will it be soon enough as I really am a relationship person.

[top bloke]

It seems to me that it has already ended.She kissed slept with some guy and you have done the same. Its already over. Now your enjoying sex with someone for fun. I feel you already have moved on so why even think about your girfriend. Do whatever you please. Why dig up a dead relationship? There is no point.

[onetheedge]

That makes sense - I do agree.

 

What about this other girl, I want a relationship. I guess I could look for one while in this sort of friends with more sort of relationship and end that if something gets more serious with a relationship type girl.