Post College Relationship- need serious help

[bowski]

This is going to be a long one but I would appreciate any replies that I get. I had been dating my girlfriend for 2 and a half years before she broke up with me about a week ago. We started dating in college and had continued dating after I graduated in May. There had always been a distance issue with us because when we werent in school I lived 2 hours from her. This year I had religiously gone up to visit her at school which is 3 hours from my house about every 2 or 3 weeks. I have been very jealous and insecure since about November when i noticed my girlfriend going out more and having more of a life than me while she was away at school. I know thats a bad thing but i couldnt stop it, i would constantly start fights with her and was constantly looking for reassurance. Since then my girlfriend was continually being less and less into me, she hardly ever kissed me when i went up there to see her and hardly ever wanted to have sex. She told me that she was never horny even when i wasnt around. this leadto me being even more defensive and starting fights with her. We continued our relationship like this for months and even went away together about a month ago. She was alot better when we went away because i was less pushy and wasnt all over her. Still we only had sex once the whole week and she wasnt intimate at all with me. A few weeks later we got into another big fight and we discussed everything when weboth agreed that our relationship had been terrible for months. She said that she didnt want to be together but was hoping that she would realize after a while that she missed me and all those intimate feelings would come back. She said right now she loved me but as a friend and not as a lover. She has been cold and distant for months now but i always thought it would change. I know this is mostly because of things i have done. I know i have pushed her away because of me being so jealous and always on her case but i wonder if there is some way that i can get those feelings back . I havent talked to her in aweek and I miss her like crazy, I cant imagine us not talking again but she has so much going on in her last month of college with going out and partyingthat i cant see her missing me at all. Im afraid that if i go with the no contact she will forget about me because of all the fun she is having at college and that I will miss any chance I have of getting her back. What do i do in this situation? Do I leave her alone and see if she contacts me and gets those feelings back or is there no way she can get all those feelings back? I am going up to her school one last time in 3 weeks to see a few friends who she is friends with too and i know i will see her at a party, but i dont want to wait too long and risk her losing all feelings for me by then. I am willing to wait this out if it means getting her back.

[Christian]

whats up...i actually went through something similar last summer in 03

 

from personal experience....there is nothing you can do...LET IT GO RIGHT NOW...this is a growing experience for you both and you'll come out of it a better person

 

you can't force her to like you at this point so its better to just drop it completely...do you really want to hear her talk about how she met some guys at a party anyway?...thats the reality of the situation...shes going out and she's meeting people...do the same

 

if she misses you eventually...she'll call you...shes not the end of the world man....try and be more cool and aloof about the situation when you go up...but no so much as it seems like you're completely ignoring her...she has to recognize that you're not completely clinging to her

[bowski]

She only has one more month of school left and I keep saying to myself that things will change once she enters the real world like I have had to do. But i cant see her missing me much at this point with all the partying and activities she has going on up there right now. i know i shouldnt contact her but again it scares me to think that she will forget about me. I just want her to realize what she had and want that back.