breaking up, but staying "friends"

[frail]

I've been in a LDR with the love of my life for over a year but lately the pressures and frustration from being apart took a toll on our relationship. He broke up with me today. Told me he still wanted to be friends. And that MAYBE when we finish school, we'll have what we need to actually BE together. And we'll pick up where we left off. Maybe...

 

In the mean time we agreed to be friends. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I've never remained friends with an ex before. I know the risk involved. That it would probably hurt more if we stayed friends and he found some other girl while i am still in love with him. But i don't want to eliminate any chance for us to be together again in the future.

 

I've been in an LDR before. When our relationship started, i told him it would be hard. He said it was ok. Now he bailed because it was too hard. I wish this is all just a bad dream. I'm completely heartbroken. But i gotta do whats best for me now. If only i knew what that is.

[Copper]

I'm sorry you are going through this.

 

Id suggest NC. Your never going to get over him staying friends. You need time apart to get over your love, only then can you truly be friends with him without it being weird or hurtful.

But thats just my opinion,

 

Good luck, and lots of hugs.

[civilservant]

I would agree with Copper, for now NC is really the only option. In time perhaps you could be friends, but from my own experiance I must warn you that you may never want to be freinds again.

[CFD656]

i'm sorry to hear that you're going through this... it sucks!

 

But like Copper and civilservany said, you need to go NC. It's the only way to heal. Right now, time is the only thing that can truly help you get through this.

 

I was in a LDR for about 2 years, then in August moved in with her. She dumped me for a co-worker mid-May, and I wish I started NC as soon as I moved out. I've only prolonged my agony by keeping in contact with her and trying the "friends" BS. It doesn't work.

[Copper]

I know its not what you want to hear frail, and I know it seems impossible...But the sooner you start NC the better. It is the best way to help you heal. It will completely suck for a while but you will get better. Try to stay around friends and family, it helps.

I'm sorry again for what your going through.

[Merrick]

That's a horrible situation to be in and i feel for you!!!

 

I understand your wanting to stay friends incase he rethinks the situation..problem is though...and it sounds as if you know this already...but it'll hurt like hell to see or hear from him if you love him and can't have him. It'll only prevent YOU from healing b/c youll be waiting and wondering what's going on in his life and not moving on in yours!!

 

Trust me...i loath my ex...but my friends dont. I still hear about him all the time even thought he's a total dead beat and its only party stories...or people being arrested stories...and even though i more hate than love him at this point...it still hurts like hell!!!

 

YOu never know...a year from now...you'll most likely be happy that it was a LDR so that it made it easier for him to fall out of your life...chin up!!!

[frail]

I don't know if i'd get over our love. He would forever be "the one that got away". NC is not what i wanted to hear, but i know it probably IS for the best. Just hard to do. I don't think i'd have the strength to tell him i don't want to speak to him anymore. It wouldn't be true. I'd want to speak to him cause i'd miss him.

 

Knowing me, i'd just cowardly avoid him. And he'd probably only get ticked off that i was avoiding him when i told him we'd be friends.

 

the weening off method won't work here? heh

[Copper]

I know its hard frail. I am 3 weeks NC with my first love. She was my everything, my best friend, and the most important person in my life. I saw her every single day, and one day out of the blue she broke up with me. Its hard losing someone so close...But NC is the best thing for you right now. Im sorry.

[frail]

i guess i better pray for strength

[Copper]

i guess i better pray for strength hard frail. I'm not going to lie. But you can do it. You just need to know at all times that this is for the best. Its the hardest but only way out of this mess. It takes a lot of willpower not to pick up the phone and call your ex. But as days go on...It does get better. Its still hard, but it gets better.

 

Best of luck to you, you can pm me anytime.

[battlezone]

I been in a long distance relationship , we were in one for .. damn three years or so. Never once did we want to break up because it was " too hard " . We just kept going. I think your dude might not be as strong as you thought , and wants more of a physical thing than what you guys got going on. That's the only thing I see from him saying " its too hard I can't do this anymore". I'm guessing he just wants someone there for him .. physically. I am sorry but NC is the way to go. Ironically I been trying to go NC for a week but everyday she keeps texting me or what not , its going to be hard , and its going to be a pain but it'll be worth it in the end. You deserve a stronger person .

[doiiiieeezie]

I am in the same boat as you... trust me NC is better.

[babysunshine]

The last two years of my four year relationship were LD. I think breaking up due to distance is one of the hardest things..... ever. You literally can't stop thinking about the "what if's". While most people are breaking up because they fell out of love, cheating, or just plain boredom, aLD breakup can mean you still both love each other but the dustance is just too much. Yes, some people will say, if you really loved each other you would make it work, but that's not always the case. Distance is something that wreaks havok on relationships and makes it a milliontimes harder to maintain than a conventional one.

 

In my opinion though, (and experience) don't try to be friends. At least not now. It's a very painful road and one that doesn't have any real benefits when you're trying to heal. Good luck.

[civilservant]

I can relate to my story. I was 14 months NC, and so much happier for it, then she sent me a christmas card and was right back where I was before. NC sucks, it really does, but you have to do it to try to move on from them.

[Tanzi]

In the mean time we agreed to be friends. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I've never remained friends with an ex before. I know the risk involved. That it would probably hurt more if we stayed friends and he found some other girl while i am still in love with him. But i don't want to eliminate any chance for us to be together again in the future.

 

But i gotta do whats best for me now. If only i knew what that is.

 

By staying friends you will be doing more more harm than good. Staying friends rarely works out for the best when still emotionally attached.

 

As regards your other post where you said "he will forever be the one that got away", I'm afraid we have to learn that there are going to be times when we have to let someone go but we can and do move on from it.

 

((hugs))

[Mariahee]

I don't think it would be best to remain friends, from the fact that whenever I tried to be friends with an ex It would hurt me thinking about when we loved each other, but now they don't love me anymore.

[and again]

Frail im currently friends with my ex and it hurts like hell at times, as we still get on great, txt few times a day and speak on phone, we even seem to meet up about once a week and sleep together every few weeks if the situation arises.

But its not the same as when we were together planing for the future, we dont allow our selfs to talk future. And she is scared she is holding me back from meeting somebody else, as she cant deal with a relationship right now, maybe ever. And tells me she wont blame me if i go with someone else.

yet now and then she will throw the odd thing in, ie i caught her crying on phone other week and when i finally got it out of her why it was because she had had a period and wasnt sure if she wanted to have one or not, (she had a miscaraige early this year mine) She also said last week that maybe if i was to ask to marry her she would say yes because it may shock her, but how the hell do you ask someone that when your not in a relationship?

So many conflicting things comeing out of her, so be carefull.

Ps sorry to vent on your thread but very confused with it all right now.

[D_Lish]

. Yes, some people will say, if you really loved each other you would make it work, but that's not always the case. Distance is something that wreaks havok on relationships and makes it a milliontimes harder to maintain than a conventional one.

 

I agree with this completely....

 

It's all too easy for others to say, that if you love each other, there are ways around it and no matter what, you will make it work. Sometimes it just isnt that easy..

 

Not everyone has the money to hop on an aeroplane, or take a 200 mile train journey either...!!

[D_Lish]

Can you be friends after a relationship that is ended unilaterally?

 

The short answer- No. The dumper says "lets be friends" for one of two reasons.

 

1- Guilt. They want to let the dumpee down a bit easier.

2- Selfish reasons. To keep the dumpee around for someone to talk to or for easy and convenient sex.

 

 

You can count the convenient sex out.

Things arent *that* convenient, when long distance.....

[SighSob]

Or :

 

3- Even if they don't want to be in a romantic relationship with the dumpee, they'd still genouinely like them in their life as friends.

 

^_^"