bi-hating lesbians

[onthebound]

I think it's only prejudice when you use your preference to limit what others can and cannot do or can or cannot have. Such as rights, marriage, use of same facilities, etc.

 

When choosing a mate, your right to choose someone that makes you feel safe, happy and confident overrides any other considerations - no positive discrimination or quotas! I for one thing, wouldn't want to date someone from one of the clubs of Those Who Must Not Be Named. It doesn't mean I discriminate against them, I just don't want one of them in my bed telling me I should feel ashamed because their club considers my intimate relationship as sinful.

 

what you're talking about is political prejudice and that is only one piece of the big picture. of course bisexuals shouldn't be denied the same rights as everyone else, but they aren't and that isn't what i'm talking about.

 

just because i'm allowed to get married (to a man everywhere and a woman in a few places) if i want to and can drink from the same water fountain as everyone else does not mean i am not being discriminated against.

 

i understand the desire to choose a mate who makes you feel safe, happy and content -- i am not protesting that by any means. all i'm saying is that someone being bisexual has NO bearing on any of that. a bisexual person is no more likely to make someone unhappy, discontent or unsafe than any other person of any other sexuality. we're talking about a girl who occasionally likes to sleep with men (and, as i've already said, doesn't NEED to if she's in a monogamous relationship with a woman), not someone who likes to shoot heroin or snort coke off of strippers' asses.

 

i am not familiar with the club you mentioned, so i can't really speak on that.

[onthebound]

so i guess i have my answer. there isn't a legitimate reason to be given, only people who like to pigeonhole, judge and exclude other people for their sexuality. kindof ironic, considering that's what EVERYONE in the LGBTQ community has been fighting against. but whatever, to each her own.

 

thanks for contributing, everyone.

[unabashed]

onthebound, I hear what you're saying. I'm not really trying to change your mind. You raised a topic and I offered an honest point of view, and a lot of personal information as well. I do take offense that you keep insisting that my personal preferences are akin to racism, while your preferences come from a holier place. Again, you asked for some input and I offered it. I think you are awfully pretentious to then take my input and so casually put down my point of view, as if what I think and feel is less important or valuable than what you have to say. You are entitled to feel the way you do, but I vehemently would disagree that choosing to avoid dating bisexuals is the same thing as being racist. That's offensive. I consider my sexual preference to be lesbian, not bisexual, and I prefer to be with someone who has the same orientation. The idea of being with a man is not at all attractive to me, and the idea of being with someone who may actively wish to be with a man is equally unattractive. It doesn't mean I am discriminating against them, it means I have a preference, and I don't see why you are insisting that I don't have the right to this preference. It sounds like you have an axe to grind because someone wouldn't date you because you are a bisexual. This is perhaps a personal issue and not a question of values.

[unabashed]

so i guess i have my answer. there isn't a legitimate reason to be given, only people who like to pigeonhole, judge and exclude other people for their sexuality. kindof ironic, considering that's what EVERYONE in the LGBTQ community has been fighting against. but whatever, to each her own.

 

thanks for contributing, everyone.

 

So, you pretty much only want to hear what you want to hear. You are the only "right" one, and any other point of view is wrong. Are you sure that it's your sexuality that makes it hard to find dates? Close-mindedness comes in many packages, even supposedly open-minded ones.

[onthebound]

actually, i've never had someone turn me down because i'm bi. it's just something i keep witnessing other people dealing with. i didn't understand it, but now i do.

 

i get that it's a preference for you. i understand what you're saying. that doesn't mean i'm not allowed to think it's b.s. i just have not seen any of you give a legitimate reason, other than essentially saying "because i said so". it's fine, if you don't wanna date bi girls then by all means, don't.. because we don't want to date women who have issues with our sexuality either.

[alpha femme]

Being gay is hella hard. But we are fighting to get other people to allow us our preferences without judging. I prefer short, thick women with dark skin. I don't hate blondes, but I've never had sex with one. Some people don't want to date someone older than they are. These are preferences, nothing more. I've never met anyone who "hated" bi women, but I have met people who dated bi women and found the experience problematic.

 

Some people don't want to be with a woman who has sex with men because of the increased cootie risk. Some people just don't like the idea of stirring someone else's milkshake. Some people want to be with someone who shares the same major life interests as they do-- and having sex with men is a pretty big variation.

 

The major issue I see with this post isn't the lack of tolerance expressed by people who aren't looking to date bisexuals-- it's the inability to accept answers that were honestly given in response to what seemed like a genuine question. Sometimes it's easier to just say "I'm venting" so others know feedback is not actually desired.

[onthebound]

see, that's a slightly more acceptible answer. i still don't agree that a bisexual woman is more likely to carry an STD (i'm pretty sure STDs don't care what your sexuality is), and i still say sexuality is different than physical characteristics.. but i get it. i don't agree, but i get it. and i wasn't trying to just vent. it just irritates me that i've been compared to alcoholics, drug addicts and the mentally unstable, as a means to justify not wanting to date my particular group of people. those were terrible and insulting comparisons to make, and i think i have the right to think the person who made those comparisons is a bigot. sure, she's allowed her preferences.. i'm not opposing that at all. but if people like myself are to be counted out because she's afraid we'll a: leave her for a man, b: hurt her the way someone else who just happened to be bisexual did, c: be more likely to transmit disease, or d: cheat with a man, then i'm sorry, but i don't see how that's fair. i have never left anyone for anyone else, never intentionally hurt anyone, never had an STD or cheated on anyone because i believe it's wrong, and my sexuality has nothing to do with any of that.

 

i can sortof understand the point about sharing life interests.. but even that feels a little unfair to me. i'm sure there are plenty of other things a potential couple could relate on.

 

i understand that some lesbians are just not interested in dating bi women, and i understand the reasons. i just haven't seen anything to prove that it's fair, so i'm not going to think it is. but that's life, and i can accept that. as i already said, i don't want to date someone who has a problem with my sexuality anyway.

[greywolf]

see, that's a slightly more acceptible answer. i still don't agree that a bisexual woman is more likely to carry an STD (i'm pretty sure STDs don't care what your sexuality is),

 

Actually, it's not very likely for two women to transmit an STI to each other.

[onthebound]

Actually, it's not very likely for two women to transmit an STI to each other.

 

ok ok, so that's true.. but shouldn't it still come down to a case-by-case basis?

i have never contracted an STD and i don't think i should be seen as dirty or "more likely to be dirty" just because i've slept with a man.

[onthebound]

in fact, i know plenty of lesbians who, before coming out and identifying as a lesbian, have slept with more men than i have. should they be counted out, too?

[greywolf]

ok ok, so that's true.. but shouldn't it still come down to a case-by-case basis?

i have never contracted an STD and i don't think i should be seen as dirty or "more likely to be dirty" just because i've slept with a man.

 

in fact, i know plenty of lesbians who, before coming out and identifying as a lesbian, have slept with more men than i have. should they be counted out, too?

 

Yeah, I agree. Just wanted to point out that it is less likely.

I'm bisexual, but I've never slept with a man. lol

[lukeb]

I don't see a problem about being selective about who we date, we have to trust this person with our heart. Friendship is a little different, there is less at stake. Not considering dating bi people is not the same as hating them.

[onthebound]

I don't see a problem about being selective about who we date, we have to trust this person with our heart. Friendship is a little different, there is less at stake. Not considering dating bi people is not the same as hating them.

 

again, i use hate as a general term. discrimination certainly doesn't stem from love.

 

what does a bisexual person possess which should give anyone good reason to feel they can't be trusted with someone's heart?

 

to each her own.. but i am never going to see this as fair. i am a good person, i am trustworthy, i am clean and i would never cheat on anyone. i just think it's a shame that there are women who would automatically count me (and others like me) out because i am also attracted to men.

[onthebound]

Yeah, I agree. Just wanted to point out that it is less likely.

I'm bisexual, but I've never slept with a man. lol

 

okay. so.. that's all you have to say? lol

i'm glad to see another bisexual posting in here. i'd be interested to know your take on this if you'd like to participate.

 

how do you feel about women who would count you out because of your attraction to men?

[Sparkley]

again, i use hate as a general term. discrimination certainly doesn't stem from love.

 

what does a bisexual person possess which should give anyone good reason to feel they can't be trusted with someone's heart?

 

to each her own.. but i am never going to see this as fair. i am a good person, i am trustworthy, i am clean and i would never cheat on anyone. i just think it's a shame that there are women who would automatically count me (and others like me) out because i am also attracted to men.

 

To turn down somebody like you (or that) for those reasons seems pretty silly to me, remember it's their lose and yours I suppose to.

[onthebound]

To turn down somebody like you (or that) for those reasons seems pretty silly to me, remember it's their lose and yours I suppose to.

 

i don't think it is my loss. i do feel somewhat sad that i am being counted out by some people because of my bisexuality, but i don't feel i'm missing out. essentially, these women are sparing me from having to deal with someone who takes issue with my sexuality. what's truly sad, though, is that they're denying themselves the chance to be with some really great women, based only on the silly notions that we are (or could be) dirty, promiscuous, cheaters.

[greywolf]

okay. so.. that's all you have to say? lol

i'm glad to see another bisexual posting in here. i'd be interested to know your take on this if you'd like to participate.

 

how do you feel about women who would count you out because of your attraction to men?

 

I guess if a woman ruled me out because I was bisexual, I wouldn't find myself very attracted to her. Although, I am sometimes annoyed at the stereotype that we can't commit to one person and are promiscuous, or worse, saying that it doesn't exist. But like I said, I wouldn't be attracted to someone that ignorant anyway. As for the people that say they would rather be with someone they can relate to, I totally understand that. My comments are more directed to people who think of bisexuals as people who'd basically do anything that moved.

 

To be honest though, I don't really identify as bisexual. If I had to give myself a label, I'd say that I'm pansexual.

[Sparkley]

i don't think it is my loss. i do feel somewhat sad that i am being counted out by some people because of my bisexuality, but i don't feel i'm missing out. essentially, these women are sparing me from having to deal with someone who takes issue with my sexuality. what's truly sad, though, is that they're denying themselves the chance to be with some really great women, based only on the silly notions that we are (or could be) dirty, promiscuous, cheaters.

 

Apologies, no suppose it is not your loss either.

[onthebound]

I guess is a woman ruled me out because I was bisexual, I wouldn't find myself very attracted to her. Although, I am sometimes annoyed at the stereotype that we can't commit to one person and are promiscuous, or worse, saying that it doesn't exist. But like I said, I wouldn't be attracted to someone that ignorant anyway. As for the people that say they would rather be with someone they can relate to, I totally understand that. My comments are more directed to people who think of bisexuals as people who'd basically do anything that moved.

 

To be honest though, I don't really identify as bisexual. If I had to give myself a label, I'd say that I'm pansexual.

 

that's pretty close to how i feel too. you're just nicer about it than i am.

 

that's cool. i don't think i know anyone who is pansexual. i just looked up the exact definition on wiki, and i suppose i could be considered as that too lol. except for the small part about being attracted to all genders and beings. i think i'm gonna stick with humans.

[onthebound]

Apologies, no suppose it is not your loss either.

 

no worries, no offense taken.

[greywolf]

that's pretty close to how i feel too. you're just nicer about it than i am.

 

that's cool. i don't think i know anyone who is pansexual. i just looked up the exact definition on wiki, and i suppose i could be considered as that too lol. except for the small part about being attracted to all genders and beings. i think i'm gonna stick with humans.

 

From my understanding, pansexual means attraction regardless of gender, not attraction to a gender.

[onthebound]

From my understanding, pansexual means attraction regardless of gender, not attraction to a gender.

 

yeah, that's pretty much what it said.. and that's kinda how i am. male, female, tboy, tgirl.. i'm open. i am more attracted to women than anything else, but i don't limit myself.

[unabashed]

I wasn't "comparing" you, as a bisexual, to anyone else. I'm sorry you felt that this was a terrible, bigoted comparison. It's not what I meant, and I apologize that you were offended. I'm sorry if my posts are longer or hard to understand.

 

I was trying to say that we all make choices. Everyone has different priorities. I know people who won't date someone who doesn't have more money than they do. I don't agree with this. I know people who don't date someone from a different religious background. I understand this, but I don't agree. I actually don't think that it's "terrible" to date someone who is a recovering alcoholic or who may have made bad decisions in the past and have some criminal history. I have friends who would not date anyone like this. I was just saying that everyone has a right to choose their priorities, and I believe that we all have some limits.

 

I didn't say I would never date a bisexual, I am just expressing some of my own considerations about doing so (I thought you were asking). If someone chooses not to date someone who is bisexual, I wouldn't believe it was because they are prejudiced against bisexuals--being gay is hard enough, there is no reason to be bigoted toward anyone else. I would just see it as a matter of preference for wanting to be with someone with whom they have more in common. It's not about fairness to me, just about desire.

 

I don't really understand how fairness fits into this. If someone isn't attracted to you (or me) for whaterver reason, including sexual preference, then that is their right. You're right, any time we reject a potential partner, we risk losing out on someone who may be wonderful. When I was younger, I had different priorities, and I probably said no to some potentially great people. That was my loss, for sure. But, how is it unfair? As I mentioned before, there are lots of potentially wonderful people who won't consider me because I'm overweight. Is that fair? I think so. They might be prejudiced or they just might not be turned on by someone who is not height/weight proportionate. I understand this, even if I don't like it. I happen to be healthy and happy with myself, so weight loss isn't in the immediate plans. But, I understand that it limits my options.

 

Anyway. I'll stop for now. I think this is an interesting and important discussion. Again, I'm sorry for any offense I may have caused. I am just trying to be open and participate honestly in the discussion.

[Mrs.HolyHackJack]

Isn't it a matter of choice?

[onthebound]

your posts aren't too long and i have no problems understanding what you're saying. i just want it to be understood that i find it a little ridiculous for a lesbian to exclude bisexuals from her dating pool. i consider myself just as much a part of the lesbian community as total lesbians.. and i would like to see the day where i have just as much of a chance at dating a girl i like as lesbians do. i am not protesting preference, as i've said, to each her own. i just don't agree.

 

and i do not see taste in physical characteristics the same as 'preference' in sexuality. physical characteristics can be changed. they say something about a person. ie: yours says you're comfortable being a thick woman. i'm no twig myself, but it IS something about myself i can change if i so desire. i can dye my hair, get colored contacts, tan my skin, change my clothes, etc etc.. but i can't change my sexuality. i tried to deny it for quite some time, but i have accepted it as part of who i am. i have faced the same threats, insults and critique as my lesbian sisters, fought the same battles, marched in the same parades. i just feel i should be entitled to sleep in the same bed with them, without being judged. i love women, plain and simple.. and i do not now, nor do i think i will ever understand how also loving men would deny me the chance to get to know a woman i'm interested in. while i can accept that this is merely a part of life, it IS unfair and i don't have to like it.