bi-hating lesbians

[Lucy__lou]

Ok, I'm too lazy to read all the posts here, so sorry if this has already been said, but here's my 2 cents. I'm a bisexual woman, and while I've never been rejected by a lesbian woman, I am reluctant to go after lesbians. I prefer bi women. And I respect the right of lesbian women to steer clear of bisexual women. Obviously I can't speak for lesbians, cause I'm not one, but when a lesbian dates a bisexual woman, the playing field isn't even. Here's some things which spring to mind that might deter a lesbian woman from dating a bisexual woman:

 

-The odds of the bi woman being lured away by another person are higher, because she is attracted to a much larger demographic of people. This is made even worse by the fact that men tend to be more forward than women in hitting on people, so the lesbian woman has not only a more populous field of competition, but a more aggressive one.

-STIs. (penises spread more disease than other organs).

- lack of cameraderie in the struggles that you can only understand if you are 100% Lesbian. (i.e. bisexuals have the privilege of being able to live the straight life. So they don't share the same difficulties of pure Lesbians, and potentially may abandon not only the lesbian woman they date, but abandon the political struggle of Lesbian recognition in an otherwise very hetero world.

-I've heard it said that bisexual women pick up a rough kissing and sex style from men, which is off putting for Lesbians who like to do things more gentle.

 

I think if you want to date a Lesbian woman, the first thing you need to do is acknowledge the class privilege you have in having access to straight life.

[unabashed]

Lucy_lou--thanks for your thoughtful post. I prefer to partner with lesbians because we are in tune with each other in terms of our attracted to women. We're in synch. I don't date men, and I don't generally seek bi women. Not because I hate them--I think that's kind of inflammatory. Everyone should be able to choose whom to love (or not) without apology. That's what sexuality rights and freedom mean to me. All the stereotypes are a smokescreen for the real issue. Every group has stereotypes attached, and there's always someone who personifies the stereotype. Being afraid or discriminating on the basis of a stereotype is someone's right, too, but not very open-minded or mature.

[greywolf]

I also heard some lesbians don't like being with women who have been with men because they dont have the best hygiene when it comes to the vagina; apparently women who sleep with men do not smell good down down there nor shave as much because men don't care and think the cootie is supposed to smell

 

As long as we're generalizing, isn't there a stereotype about feminist lesbians who think shaving down there is sexist?

[Intelek]

i was in a 8 yr relationship with a woman who was never with a man. She left me bc she needed to "experiment" and it seems that she liked it. How can I compete, I CANT!

[dizzymeg]

Nah, it's not an "ego" thing.

 

In a nutshell it's this: Bisexual women have a bad rep bc lesbians see them as 'just messing around', being naughty or whatever. In other words they tend to date men over half of the time, their relationships with men are longer, they may CURRENTLY be dating a man and simply want a woman on the side/sly. Basically, the belief is that they'll end up with a man sooner or later so there's no real point in getting attached bc you'll just have your heart ripped out of your chest when she decides she's no longer into women.

 

 

Keep in mind I'm not saying that I entirely agree with this belief, just answering your question is all. Just log onto the W4W section of craigslist and you'll see my point...

 

"My boyfriend/husband is out of town/works long hours/whatever and I'm looking for a woman to have some fun with!"

 

or worse...

 

"My boyfriend/husband wants to watch..."

ugh

[greywolf]

The W4W section of craigslist is all men. I'd say about 10% of the posters there are actually women.

 

The problem I see with this is that lesbians are judged by straight people, and then the lesbians turn around and go judge bisexuals. I think it's pretty well-known that lesbians and gay guys are stereotyped as promiscuous and unable to stay in long-term loving relationships.

[abitbroken]

the whole "bisexuals are undecided thing" = what gives bisexuals a really bad name/leaves people with a bad impression are all these Girls gone wild type of things where college girls get drunk and do whatever someone tells them to do - kiss their friends, hang out in bed with eachother and they do it for approval. I don't have any doubt that 99% of those girls are not bisexual. They are just looking for approval and that seems to be the way to get it. Or they are drunk out of their mind and don't know what they are doing. So that is probably where part of the confused stereotype comes from.

 

I probably will get jumped on for this, but I think everyone has the right to be attracted to or decide what type of person they want to date or look for a potential lifetime partner - or have the right to go with what they are wired for (i am not talking about gender preference, but i mean some people prefer men who are justlike dad, some go nuts for redheads, some are attracted to funny folks). I know that we seem to pretty much agree on that when we are talking about opposite sex relationship, but when it crosses into not wanting to date a bisexual woman or man, everyone wigs out and cries discrimination.

 

If someone won't get to know someone on a platonic level, etc, because they are bisexual, than I think that is shortsighted and wrong. Or go get a cup of coffee with them, go hang out and stuff. But if a person just simply does not want to enter into a romantic relationship with them or is not attracted to the fact, then that is there choice. They don't have to come to some sort of understanding about the unknown, etc. They can decide who they want in their bedroom or not. Why fight to win over someone who will never respect or love you and miss out on someone who can't wait to meet someone kind, smart, has similar ideals, etc and doesn't care if they are bisexual or not.

 

I have been in a situation where a man wouldn't date me because I am divorced. No matter what great conversations we had, I couldn't open his mind. I was faithful in my marriage, so it wasn't like there was that concern, my husband decided he didn't love me anymore after a brain injury (stroke). I know that is not anything to do with sexual orientation - but just saying that some people have their criteria. Well, it was just his loss. He is missing out. But i have found someone to love me.

[abitbroken]

The W4W section of craigslist is all men. I'd say about 10% of the posters there are actually women.

 

The problem I see with this is that lesbians are judged by straight people, and then the lesbians turn around and go judge bisexuals. I think it's pretty well-known that lesbians and gay guys are stereotyped as promiscuous and unable to stay in long-term loving relationships.

 

actually, that is the opposite of the lesbian stereotype at least in my neck of the woods, there was an old joke about what a lesbian brings on a third date...their moving truck. I will add that it was lesbian women who also told this joke, or whom I heard it from first.

[greywolf]

actually, that is the opposite of the lesbian stereotype at least in my neck of the woods, there was an old joke about what a lesbian brings on a third date...their moving truck. I will add that it was lesbian women who also told this joke, or whom I heard it from first.

 

It is true among people who are familiar with lesbian/gay culture that that is stereotype about lesbians. But people who have never been exposed to that at all stereotype them as promiscuous.

 

How many straight women out there don't like hanging around lesbians because they are afraid that the lesbian will be attracted to her (because we all know that a lesbian is attracted to every single female on earth and make a move on her? I'm sure we've all encountered that at one point.

[I_Speak_Jive]

 

How many straight women out there don't like hanging around lesbians because they are afraid that the lesbian will be attracted to her (because we all know that a lesbian is attracted to every single female on earth and make a move on her? I'm sure we've all encountered that at one point.

 

Oh man don't get me started.

 

My best friend's boyfriend (best friend is a straight female) recently had the audacity of announce in the car that he refused to go with us to a gay club because he "didn't want to get hit on tonight".

 

He's very short, middle-aged, bald, brass, arrogant and wears embarrassingly tight suits all the time. Not enough blue pills in the world.

 

](*,)

[greywolf]

Oh man don't get me started.

 

My best friend's boyfriend (best friend is a straight female) recently had the audacity of announce in the car that he refused to go with us to a gay club because he "didn't want to get hit on tonight".

 

He's very short, middle-aged, bald, brass, arrogant and wears embarrassingly tight suits all the time. Not enough blue pills in the world.

 

](*,)

 

ew. If my bf said that I'd dump his ass. Soooo unattractive.

[whes]

It's sort of a pointless question sometimes, because there are extreme lesbians/gays and extreme straights, and everything in-between is somehow bi-sexual. There's a very fluid ratio of preference and I think everyone's at least a little bi-sexual.

[RainbowedOreo]

Well fo me its so confusing, one minute i think im bi, the next lesbian? All i know is i like girls and guys? Im not sure yet :S

[Angel-Bi-420]

i don't get it. i'm not even sure i want to get it, but nevertheless i'm seeking a justifiable reason.

 

i'm bisexual and i am tired of seeing lesbians refusing to date bi girls, or accusing them of being confused/drunk/fake/whatever. i don't understand it. how is a lesbian discriminating against a bisexual any different than a straight person discriminating against a gay person? or someone saying they won't date a black person? it's prejudice any way you slice it. even one of my friends (who is a lesbian) said would date a bi girl, but understands why others might not. maybe they got hurt by a bi girl in the past, etc.. and i still don't get it. that's excluding an entire genre of women for the actions of one. it just irritates me.

 

what are your thoughts?

 

Me being bi sexual...I have never encountered this...Yet. But i have dated a staright lesbian girl...She was nervous about me leaving her for a guy...But lik was said by someone else...It would be no different then me leaving her for another girl.

[nottestelle]

whatever, as a lesbian who has dated bisexual women almost exclusively (b/c I find bisexual women to be extremely sexy and sexual, usually), i know first hand, it sucks SUCKS to have your girl leave you for a man. of course you're insecure cause all you can think about is how you don't have a penis and that you were just a stage, a phase etc.

 

i know its petty but its my rule now to never, EVER, make a bisexual girl my girlfriend. I look at it like orthodox jews do, bisexuals are fine for dating, but you marry a lesbian

[Angel-Bi-420]

whatever, as a lesbian who has dated bisexual women almost exclusively (b/c I find bisexual women to be extremely sexy and sexual, usually), i know first hand, it sucks SUCKS to have your girl leave you for a man. of course you're insecure cause all you can think about is how you don't have a penis and that you were just a stage, a phase etc.

 

i know its petty but its my rule now to never, EVER, make a bisexual girl my girlfriend. I look at it like orthodox jews do, bisexuals are fine for dating, but you marry a lesbian

 

I disagree. I do think a bi women can fall in love with another girl and live happily ever after. So why treat us any different? I mean i understand were your coming from but always have an open mind and don't just set on one thought.

[Ifeelinvisable]

Agreed with the above, it sounds like a petty ego thing. Another thing might be if they're jealous/insecure, they'd have a much larger scope of people (men) to be suspicious or jealous of. Which is still pretty dumb.

 

I'm straight and I think I'd just be thrilled if I ever dated a bisexual guy. We could check out hotties together.

I must add, that is halarious!

[hellodoe]

i'm a lesbian and i would rather date another lesbian.

i have nothing against bisexual women, but i am more emotionally attracted

to women who exclusively love women.

[hellodoe]

QFT

 

totally agree.

[finn]

What it comes down to is that everyone has a 'relationship past' which influences their choices on perspective partners. If a gay chick has been hurt by a bi chick (or a 'bi' chick), well it's obvious that she would be more wary of future relationships with bi chicks (and more likely to tell her lesbian friends about it).

 

You cannot hold that against the whole lesbian population.

 

Suck it up, find someone who accepts you for your big bi self, rather than rant and rave against the lesbian population for not accepting who you are.