Tried to talk to her when I ran into her and it was ugly.

[regular joe]

I ran into my EX last night at the liquor store last night of all places. I was going to walk away. Instead, I made the stupid mistake of trying to talk to her. Got threatened that she would call the police for my effort to find out what was up. Then when I got home later that night I had a message on my home machine to the same effect from her father. Just wanted to know when she planned on finishing removing her belongings and was going to return my house key. That is not the first time she has made the threat. The last time was three weeks ago when she came to get somethings. She left me a note that said "I just want my things don't make me have to involve the authorities." That was after I forwarded an important e-mail to her from someone who must of been unaware that we had split and I asked her if we could go out to dinner and talk. That was also the last time she showed up for her things. She and the person who has been helping her are both unemployed so time is not an issue. After all last night was 11 weeks into this and it kills me to have her things here. It's ironic that is where I would run into her because, the alcohol/ depression cycle she is in, is the cause of all the problems. This was what the argument that had her move out was about. That I couldn't stand by and watching her destroy herself anymore. I told her that I loved her too much too much to keep letting it go on. I can't stand the fact that she angry with me because her life is in turmoil. I never wanted this but couldn't keep living like that either. I just thought I was more important than the booze. Guess I was dead wrong. I know I shouldn't have but, I logged onto my page this morning. If she hates me that much, why hasn't she deleted me or the pictures of us together? I keep getting various different opinions of the situation ranging from she is being a b*tch about it, to she is hurt and feels like right know she has the upper hand, to she is trying to keep one foot in the door by having her things here. After last night though, I'd have to go with the first. I have female friend, who is hurting over her separation and is still in love with her EX and she told me if he contacted her she would tell him off. I can't get my head around this train of thought, it seems to be more emotional than logical. Why wouldn't you try to work though the problems? Looking for input from especially the Ladies, any opinions? All are welcome to respond though?

[Honey Pumpkin]

That sucks. You know what? I would leave a polite message saying that she needs to pick her stuff up by next Sunday. If she hasn't, you are boxing it up and giving it to goodwill. You are not free storage for her, and you are right, out of sight, out of mind.

 

Then if I were you I would not contact her again. I would focus on YOU, start to heal and start to recover who you once were.

 

Unless there is more about the threats to call the police that you are not sharing with us?

[regular joe]

Just a false domestic arrest in 2008, on a false complaint filed by her ex friend, who thought she was going to screw me over. Because, she didn't want us together anymore, and she was losing her party girl wing man. This was also after the ex friend and I had a falling out about her butting her nose into our problems. My Ex's friends and family would all rather turn a blind eye to the problem, instead of confronting it. They are probably afraid she won't talk to them. She gets very heated when you bring up her drinking. Even though the whole thing was BS it has cost me a lot of money for my lawyer, a relationship and her, her son. The charges were dismissed when my lawyer and I could prove them false. The so called friend was also cheating on her husband with one of the also married town cops, which we also had proof of. Tells you a lot about her and his morals. That whole situation was a three month nightmare for me. Thrown out of my own house, which I am the sole owner of, but still had to pay all the bills or be in contempt. In the meantime there was a lot of BS gong on over here. As a matter of fact I just had to just pay some more money to my lawyer to get my record expunged. What a wonderful court system we have. I have things going back to 2006 when the drinking issue first started getting out of hand. Then It was under control for about a year and a half.

[LoveSoDeep]

I know you just happened to run into her and you can't help that but I would say you need to just box up her stuff and leave her a message saying that she needs to come get it by a certain date or you will give it to a local charity. I would also tell her you need the key back and will be changing the locks. Then follow through. She has made it really clear that she dosn't want to be in contact with you and if you don't want another bogus legal mess I would just leave her alone.

 

You said yourself you couldn't stand by and watch her ruin her life....you need to try to move on and work on yourself and let her family worry about her for now. I would guess you tired to help her before you broke up with her and it didn't work...b/c she will only change if she wants to and for now it sounds like she doesn't want to. It's hard but you need to move on and if she wants to ruin her life...you have to let her...but you don't have to watch.

[retired1]

Agreed. Do not leave the retrieval of her stuff up to her. Box it up, then give her a date that she has to have it picked up by. Or, if there's a mutual acquaintance that you can leave the boxes with, that may even be better.

[SnowFox]

Have you thought about going to an Alanon meeting? It sounds like you need some support and understanding what a relationship with an alcoholic is all about. That might help you get some distance and perspective on the unhealthy dynamics in your relationship with this woman.

 

A person who is addicted to a substance, by definition, cannot be a healthy partner in a relationship. So you were fighting a losing battle there.

 

I hope you will be able to move on and find a woman who is not battling such a demon in her life.

[itsallgrand]

Does she have a restraining order in place or something?

 

I agree with boxing up her things and settling that. She doesn't have to be the one to pick up the stuff, in fact, it'd probably be better if someone else did. But I agree with the others as far as the stuff is concerned.

 

Once that is done, there is no reason to be in contact with her anymore, which you said yourself is for the best.

 

You couldn't control running into her. But you can start putting this behind you. best wishes.

[DeviousDevil]

How much stuff has she left?

 

You can simply post it to her or give it to her dad.

 

Done and done.

[DeviousDevil]

How much stuff has she left?

 

You can simply post it to her or give it to her dad.

 

Done and done.

[lavenderdove]

If you have already been thru this once with her, i suggest not fooling around with this or you'll be taking another trip thru court. Even if you're not guilty, as you already know, it could cost you a bundle to defend yourself.

 

Box all of her stuff up and have a friend of yours drop it at her house. Don't go to the house yourself, or call her.

 

Next, call a locksmith and have them change your locks. You don't need her key back.

 

I think when people start talking about calling the police on you and acting this way, you have to accept that it is over, and that she doesn't want to be with you or for you to contact her. You need to protect yourself and your reputation, and find someone who does want to be with you. This woman doesn't; she just wants you to leave her alone.

 

For your own sake, leave her totally alone, have the friend drop off her stuff, and change your locks. Then you're done with her.

[lavenderdove]

If you have already been thru this once with her, i suggest not fooling around with this or you'll be taking another trip thru court. Even if you're not guilty, as you already know, it could cost you a bundle to defend yourself.

 

Box all of her stuff up and have a friend of yours drop it at her house. Don't go to the house yourself, or call her.

 

Next, call a locksmith and have them change your locks. You don't need her key back.

 

I think when people start talking about calling the police on you and acting this way, you have to accept that it is over, and that she doesn't want to be with you or for you to contact her. You need to protect yourself and your reputation, and find someone who does want to be with you. This woman doesn't; she just wants you to leave her alone.

 

For your own sake, leave her totally alone, have the friend drop off her stuff, and change your locks. Then you're done with her.

[TomboyMS]

I think I would throw her stuff out with the trash. Lol.

[regular joe]

Tennessee Girl- a couple of people have suggested the same thing. I have also talked to three recovering alcoholics who have told me until she sees the problem for herself, like it took them to. There is nothing I can do to help.

 

itsallgrand- no she doesn't. I haven't done anything to give her cause to get one.

 

lavenderdove- I contacted my lawyer for advice when we still together and before I confronted her knowing it could get ugly quickly.

 

She has probably a couple of pick up truck loads left to pick up. I am on vacation most of this week coming. I am going look into getting a small storage unit and put her things there. Paying for one month then sending a registered letter as to where her things are and what the combination to the lock is. No one wants to deliver her things and stepping foot on the property puts them at risk too. I just have to make sure I am within the law on all of this. Don't need any smashed out windows. At the beginning I had to give her a reasonable amount of time to remove her items. I think I have done that.

 

I have been fighting the urge all day today to call her father and set him straight. I know it is his daughter and he is going to defend her as any parent would. I know he only knows one side of the story. I also know he knows deep down what the problems are but, again doesn't want to confront it. I saw his notes when he sent her money, during her divorce, about it not being spent for alcohol. I can show him proof even of things I have had to deal with. Then I say to myself, what good will it do? She thinks the problems she has are my fault. Best to leave it be. I don't want to give them any reason to act on her threats.

[ladyblue07]

Yeah, you have to try to remind yourself that it won't help to try to tell your side of things to people who are already on her side.

Maybe someday once she has dealt with her problems she will regret how she treated you, but for now the best thing you can do is try to avoid her and all the drama she has created.

[lavenderdove]

No good will come of trying to turn a father against a daughter by trying to 'set him straight'. She will just lie and claim you are crazy and vindicative and a liar, and the father will become more incensed at you. It escalates the chance of her taking some legal action against you to try to prove to her father that you are a bad guy.

 

So just leave it alone for your own sake. The storage locker is a good plan.

 

She obviously has a lot of problems, and honestly, do you really think it right to be with a woman who makes false allegations and lawsuits against you? You really need to let her go and realize that her problems are her own and you can't fix them, and she won't turn into a loving partner and come back. Better to start fresh with someone new.

 

You are thinking that she is nasty and a liar because she is drinking, but perhaps she is just a nasty liar who drinks, and her quitting drinking won't fix that. Just consider it lucky you could prove your innocence and expunge your criminal record, and get as far away from her as quickly as possible because she is bad news.