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How to say goodbye, but not forever?


Tired Tiger

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I thought I was tired when I picked my screen name here... now, I'm absolutely exhausted. My friends have coined this, "The Long, Slow Death". Four months of limbo... with everything from intense sex to to living half a country apart... and from, "I still love you" to a recent unprovoked lashing out (a first for her). In any case, we appear to be at the end of this chapter (if not the book?), in that she now proclaims that she, "no longer feels that way", and that I need to move my things out. At least we're apparently back to being friendly and cooperative, so the move shouldn't be a dramatic mess of negativity. However, I'm sure it's going to be very emotional for me to see her one last time (not to mention her boys, the dogs, etc). Ugh.

 

Those who have read some of my posts in the past may agree that I've tried to be as pragmatic and realistic as possible about reconciliation. I gave her the benefit of the doubt about the short term possibility of that, but that's apparently no longer an option. I can't scratch and claw my way through the way things have been, anyway. We need to go our separate ways if there's ever to be a thought of reconciliation down the road. She hasn't stated where her mind is at as far as what happens after that truck pulls away, but I'm assuming we're to just be strangers indefinitely.

 

Now, I know the drill for going through the healing process (finally). "Down the road" will be a bridge to cross if the time comes. What I'm struggling with is how to say goodbye to leave things on the best possible terms. Yes, I'll be letting go and moving forward... but I also still believe there could be a better time and place for us. How do I do this?

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With as few words as possible.

 

It will be tempting to think that what you say will have a lasting impact on the situation, but I think the shorter the final encounter, and the less you say, the larger impact it will have. More importantly, this will allow you to heal much faster, without drawing out what is already a painful situation.

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I suppose I'm just going to have to psyche myself up as best I can for this. Yeah, I know I'm supposed to be indifferent, good with everything, and all that - but it's a different story actually being that way in person. She knows me all too well, and add to that we've always had a very strong physical chemistry.

 

If I were to go there tomorrow (it's a couple of weeks away yet), I'm sure I'd give the impression of frustrated disbelief... shaking my head all day.

 

I'm not looking forward to it at all.

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all i can tell you is try to stay as busy as possible and if you have to do a little nc from time to time or to gain your barrings go for it. it does help. that way you maybe can come to that bridge one day. good luck tired tiger. get some sleep.

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You can do this tiger, just focus on the moving and you will be fine. I know firsthand, my ex had movers come 13 days ago and they were here four hours. A few days before that she came to pack and was here about 7 hours. we talked a little during both days, I stayed indifferent and she seemed sad (even she is the one who wanted out). Both days I wanted to offer her the olive branch and ask if this is what she really wants, but I bit my tongue and felt oddly fine, when the moving truck pulled away with her following behind.

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Yeah, I'll get through it. It still seems so surreal that any of this has happened at all. Even if I actually wanted to unload a grand speech on her, I wouldn't even know where to start.

 

brokenheart - there's similarities in our situations. Mine was still wearing that ring the day I left, and she gave me the "never say never" limbo for months. Now this. No fun at all, is it?

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My thought is - for now concentrate on making it as easy as possible for her to get away from you, and let that thought be your guide. Which to me would mean not indicating anything about the future, and not making a big production. If she wants to know how you feel about it just say it's tough and leave it at that.

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Yeah, I'll get through it. It still seems so surreal that any of this has happened at all. Even if I actually wanted to unload a grand speech on her, I wouldn't even know where to start.

 

brokenheart - there's similarities in our situations. Mine was still wearing that ring the day I left, and she gave me the "never say never" limbo for months. Now this. No fun at all, is it?

 

 

nope, not fun at all, in fact it is the exact opposite. I'm slowly healing, some days are really amazing. In fact the only really bad days are the one's that have her calling, texting etc.. without saying the only words I want to hear out of her mouth.

 

I really don't know how to take those "never say never" comments. I mean there is obviously some part of them that knows they aren't completely in tune with their decision, so they deal with that by leaving that tiniest sliver of hope.

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My thought is - for now concentrate on making it as easy as possible for her to get away from you, and let that thought be your guide. Which to me would mean not indicating anything about the future, and not making a big production. If she wants to know how you feel about it just say it's tough and leave it at that.

 

That sounds logical enough. I'm already trying to plan this to spend the minimum amount of time there (load-n-go), but that will still be several hours. As for inquiring about the future, I probably wouldn't want to bring that up in the first place, as I'm not so sure I'd like the answer (although you never know with her... or maybe I'd get a clearer answer by asking her friends what happens next. ). I'd actually prefer to let time dictate what happens down the road, as opposed to basing anything on her current, "Emotional Superwoman Who Is Over Everything And Has No Feelings" routine.

 

nope, not fun at all, in fact it is the exact opposite. I'm slowly healing, some days are really amazing. In fact the only really bad days are the one's that have her calling, texting etc.. without saying the only words I want to hear out of her mouth.

 

I really don't know how to take those "never say never" comments. I mean there is obviously some part of them that knows they aren't completely in tune with their decision, so they deal with that by leaving that tiniest sliver of hope.

 

Yeah, I've dealt with not only the tiny slivers, but 2x4's upside the head. Of course, *now* all this limbo was of my doing... obviously.

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