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  1. I'm trying so hard to move on. I've been dreaming about you almost every night and I hate it. I'm struggling to concentrate at work. I'm realizing that you couldn't give me the love I needed for a long time, and that it has turned me into an insecure, uncertain mess. It's not your fault. I think you wanted your feelings to come back...we just broke a long time ago and I didn't want to admit that we couldn't go back, and neither did you. Thanks for trying for so long. I know you're also sad that your feelings couldn't come back. I miss you. You were my plan and my future. Now I have no idea what I'm going to do. I was all in. I hope you're doing ok, whatever you're doing and wherever you are.
  2. I miss you. It's been over 2 weeks since I last saw you/since we last spoke. You didn't respond to my text that I made it home safe, even though its a text you asked for. I wonder if I'll ever talk to you again. I wonder if there is someone else. I wonder if you'll ever think back on this decision with regret. I want so badly to move on. I am moving on as best I can. I just wish I didn't have to.
  3. There aren't really any statistics on this sort of thing. You can't really predict if/when people will change their minds about things. Too many unknowns. Same basic formula as goes for everyone else: SPACE & TIME.
  4. Sounds like you are more concerned with her feelings and/or response to you than your own. If you feel you must, I would just send something like "Just wanted to say no hard feelings. You made the right decision." and leave it at that. Anything beyond that would be categorized as an "attention seeking behavior."
  5. Having hope is good, but so is being realistic. I think its good to mix some reality in with the hope. People spend months holding onto hope because they are too afraid to face the reality that their relationship is over. Threads like this are great, no doubt, but I think they sometimes do a disservice, especially to the newbies.
  6. Agree with the posters above. Acknowledging special days just gives your ex an ego boost. Not saying a word will say SO much more.
  7. Try not to focus so much on what you should or shouldn't be doing in your situation. I know how much it hurts and how you scramble to find answers and figure out ways to stop the pain you're feeling. Sometimes the best thing to do is just feel it...and I mean completely. All of the thinking, analyzing, and planning just delays you dealing with the situation and facing the problem head on. Sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing at all. There is no right or wrong, and in reality, the things we dumpees do or don't do seem to carry little weight in the long run and don't really have any sort of lasting impact on our exs or if they decide to come back. Just as you had to do as the dumper, your ex will have to come to those conclusions on his own. He treated you badly, was dishonest with you, and turned you from the dumper to the dumpee. Just try to focus on yourself and learn as much as you can from this situation. I hope things get easier soon!
  8. I disagree with what this idea that you can't "truly want to be with your ex" and think about dating other people. My ex broke up with me 4 months ago, and while I still miss her and a part of my wishes we could be together again, I recently decided that I can't put my life on hold and completely ignore opportunities with dating others. Truth is, she may never come back, and even if she does, it could be quite a while. Why should I not give someone who is interested in me a fair chance? It seems to me that by doing otherwise I am allowing my ex, someone who has expressed a complete lack of interest in me, to completely control my life! Seem like a lot of control to give to someone who doesn't want to be with me, and who is living her life without constantly basing her decisions on me or what I'm thinking or feeling. However, Brazilgirl, I caution you using dating as a way to bring your ex back. It is a dangerous game to play, and can lead to many people getting hurt.
  9. Congrats on getting through day 2! I definitely know how you are feeling. Just remember that what you're feeling is a normal reaction to rejection (feeling like they are the ONE, and that you won't find anyone better). Just be careful not to let yourself get lost in these ideas. The tighter you hold onto these beliefs, the longer you'll be hurting, and the longer it will take you to get your life back on track. Don't let this consume you! I know you can do it!
  10. I came accross an article not too long ago that talks about how so many relationships are incredibly unhealthy and often fail because people have very unrealistic expectations about how they should work. A lot of this is apparently caused by what we see on TV and hear in all of those sappy love songs on the radio. The article recommends working on taking these beliefs/attitudes into relationships: 1. I can live without you, no problem 2. My love for you will definitely change 3. You're not everything I need 4. I won't always hold you close 5. You and I aren't one Try to use this time to focus on developing a healthier outlook on relationships, their importance, and their role in your life. It's so easy to become "love-drunk" and push all of our insecurities and sense of happiness into one person and one relationship. Remember that the sting you are feeling is, in large part, because you were rejected, and that it will go away with time. Work on becoming the best version of yourself that you can be, and never define yourself by whether someone wants to be with you.
  11. Of course, only he knows that for sure, but yes it seems that he did. To be honest, now that I'm finally giving someone else a chance, I imagine I'd be in a difficult spot if my ex did come back. On the one hand, me ex and I have a history and the feelings go much deeper, etc., but on the other, should I leave someone new and abandon a possibly great thing to go back to someone who left me? I imagine that is what he faced with you coming back. It was likely a dream come true, since he had finally convinced himself that you were not coming back, but at the same time, he probably was afraid to leave the new girl to go back to you because he might end up losing both of you if you left him again.
  12. ROMANTIC LOVE = ATTRACTION + LOVE ATTRACTION changes how LOVE feels. People are being so "black and white" and naiive about this. What is the only difference between loving someone as a friend (or loving them more like a family member)??? ATTRACTION. People break up because the attraction dies. Being too clingy or too distant kills the attraction. Being in a relationship that is too routine or lacks excitement....kills attraction. ATTRACTION IS KEY AND CAN COME AND GO! Appreciating what you have doesn't factor into romantic love. You can't tell yourself how great someone is, and look at how much they do for you, and make themselves feel ROMANTIC LOVE for someone. It just doesn't work that way. LOSING SOMETHING CAN MAKE IT MORE ATTRACTIVE.
  13. His email sounded very genuine. I said almost the same things to my 2 weeks ago. Reminds me very much of how I have felt about my ex, and how I have realized that I am just wasting my time waiting for something that probably won't come. He seemed to be taking a very mature, honest approach to the situation. He's clearly hurting, but he wanted to validate your feelings and your reasons for breaking up. He was acknowledging that it was the right thing to do, and that you had good reasons, but that it still hurts depsite the good reasons. He's saying that he is done fighting reality, and seemed to be trying to remove all of the pressure he was putting on you and on the situation. Basically, in the email, he was telling you that he was letting go of hope and moving on with his life.
  14. I believe that you can have a good, perfectly legitimate reason for breaking up with someone, and still re-develop feeling for them. You don't have to regret breaking up with someone to want someone back. It could have been the right thing to do at the time, but for whatever reason, the reason is either no longer a deal breaker or doesn't apply at a different time. Human beings aren't static creatures. People can change, and do change. Emotional responses, behaviors, and so much about us is LEARNED, not engrained or a permanent part of us. Often it takes a major event to motivate people to change, and a break up can certainly be one of those events.
  15. While I don't believe so much in the whole "your ex is your ex for a reason" theory, you are young and incredibly attractive, so I don't think you'd have a problem finding another great guy, or several of them.
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