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Everything posted by justletgo07

  1. I'm trying so hard to move on. I've been dreaming about you almost every night and I hate it. I'm struggling to concentrate at work. I'm realizing that you couldn't give me the love I needed for a long time, and that it has turned me into an insecure, uncertain mess. It's not your fault. I think you wanted your feelings to come back...we just broke a long time ago and I didn't want to admit that we couldn't go back, and neither did you. Thanks for trying for so long. I know you're also sad that your feelings couldn't come back. I miss you. You were my plan and my future. Now I have no idea what I'm going to do. I was all in. I hope you're doing ok, whatever you're doing and wherever you are.
  2. I miss you. It's been over 2 weeks since I last saw you/since we last spoke. You didn't respond to my text that I made it home safe, even though its a text you asked for. I wonder if I'll ever talk to you again. I wonder if there is someone else. I wonder if you'll ever think back on this decision with regret. I want so badly to move on. I am moving on as best I can. I just wish I didn't have to.
  3. There aren't really any statistics on this sort of thing. You can't really predict if/when people will change their minds about things. Too many unknowns. Same basic formula as goes for everyone else: SPACE & TIME.
  4. Sounds like you are more concerned with her feelings and/or response to you than your own. If you feel you must, I would just send something like "Just wanted to say no hard feelings. You made the right decision." and leave it at that. Anything beyond that would be categorized as an "attention seeking behavior."
  5. Having hope is good, but so is being realistic. I think its good to mix some reality in with the hope. People spend months holding onto hope because they are too afraid to face the reality that their relationship is over. Threads like this are great, no doubt, but I think they sometimes do a disservice, especially to the newbies.
  6. Agree with the posters above. Acknowledging special days just gives your ex an ego boost. Not saying a word will say SO much more.
  7. Try not to focus so much on what you should or shouldn't be doing in your situation. I know how much it hurts and how you scramble to find answers and figure out ways to stop the pain you're feeling. Sometimes the best thing to do is just feel it...and I mean completely. All of the thinking, analyzing, and planning just delays you dealing with the situation and facing the problem head on. Sometimes the best thing you can do is nothing at all. There is no right or wrong, and in reality, the things we dumpees do or don't do seem to carry little weight in the long run and don't really have any sort of lasting impact on our exs or if they decide to come back. Just as you had to do as the dumper, your ex will have to come to those conclusions on his own. He treated you badly, was dishonest with you, and turned you from the dumper to the dumpee. Just try to focus on yourself and learn as much as you can from this situation. I hope things get easier soon!
  8. I disagree with what this idea that you can't "truly want to be with your ex" and think about dating other people. My ex broke up with me 4 months ago, and while I still miss her and a part of my wishes we could be together again, I recently decided that I can't put my life on hold and completely ignore opportunities with dating others. Truth is, she may never come back, and even if she does, it could be quite a while. Why should I not give someone who is interested in me a fair chance? It seems to me that by doing otherwise I am allowing my ex, someone who has expressed a complete lack of interest in me, to completely control my life! Seem like a lot of control to give to someone who doesn't want to be with me, and who is living her life without constantly basing her decisions on me or what I'm thinking or feeling. However, Brazilgirl, I caution you using dating as a way to bring your ex back. It is a dangerous game to play, and can lead to many people getting hurt.
  9. Congrats on getting through day 2! I definitely know how you are feeling. Just remember that what you're feeling is a normal reaction to rejection (feeling like they are the ONE, and that you won't find anyone better). Just be careful not to let yourself get lost in these ideas. The tighter you hold onto these beliefs, the longer you'll be hurting, and the longer it will take you to get your life back on track. Don't let this consume you! I know you can do it!
  10. I came accross an article not too long ago that talks about how so many relationships are incredibly unhealthy and often fail because people have very unrealistic expectations about how they should work. A lot of this is apparently caused by what we see on TV and hear in all of those sappy love songs on the radio. The article recommends working on taking these beliefs/attitudes into relationships: 1. I can live without you, no problem 2. My love for you will definitely change 3. You're not everything I need 4. I won't always hold you close 5. You and I aren't one Try to use this time to focus on developing a healthier outlook on relationships, their importance, and their role in your life. It's so easy to become "love-drunk" and push all of our insecurities and sense of happiness into one person and one relationship. Remember that the sting you are feeling is, in large part, because you were rejected, and that it will go away with time. Work on becoming the best version of yourself that you can be, and never define yourself by whether someone wants to be with you.
  11. Of course, only he knows that for sure, but yes it seems that he did. To be honest, now that I'm finally giving someone else a chance, I imagine I'd be in a difficult spot if my ex did come back. On the one hand, me ex and I have a history and the feelings go much deeper, etc., but on the other, should I leave someone new and abandon a possibly great thing to go back to someone who left me? I imagine that is what he faced with you coming back. It was likely a dream come true, since he had finally convinced himself that you were not coming back, but at the same time, he probably was afraid to leave the new girl to go back to you because he might end up losing both of you if you left him again.
  12. ROMANTIC LOVE = ATTRACTION + LOVE ATTRACTION changes how LOVE feels. People are being so "black and white" and naiive about this. What is the only difference between loving someone as a friend (or loving them more like a family member)??? ATTRACTION. People break up because the attraction dies. Being too clingy or too distant kills the attraction. Being in a relationship that is too routine or lacks excitement....kills attraction. ATTRACTION IS KEY AND CAN COME AND GO! Appreciating what you have doesn't factor into romantic love. You can't tell yourself how great someone is, and look at how much they do for you, and make themselves feel ROMANTIC LOVE for someone. It just doesn't work that way. LOSING SOMETHING CAN MAKE IT MORE ATTRACTIVE.
  13. His email sounded very genuine. I said almost the same things to my 2 weeks ago. Reminds me very much of how I have felt about my ex, and how I have realized that I am just wasting my time waiting for something that probably won't come. He seemed to be taking a very mature, honest approach to the situation. He's clearly hurting, but he wanted to validate your feelings and your reasons for breaking up. He was acknowledging that it was the right thing to do, and that you had good reasons, but that it still hurts depsite the good reasons. He's saying that he is done fighting reality, and seemed to be trying to remove all of the pressure he was putting on you and on the situation. Basically, in the email, he was telling you that he was letting go of hope and moving on with his life.
  14. I believe that you can have a good, perfectly legitimate reason for breaking up with someone, and still re-develop feeling for them. You don't have to regret breaking up with someone to want someone back. It could have been the right thing to do at the time, but for whatever reason, the reason is either no longer a deal breaker or doesn't apply at a different time. Human beings aren't static creatures. People can change, and do change. Emotional responses, behaviors, and so much about us is LEARNED, not engrained or a permanent part of us. Often it takes a major event to motivate people to change, and a break up can certainly be one of those events.
  15. While I don't believe so much in the whole "your ex is your ex for a reason" theory, you are young and incredibly attractive, so I don't think you'd have a problem finding another great guy, or several of them.
  16. But it took him 4 months to really give you space, and you still may not have budged if he didn't find someone else... I don't think you consciously thought he would stick around forever, and I don't think he is thinking the same about you. It's just easy to not have feelings for someone (or feel like you don't) when you know that the person is in love with you, and would take you back if you asked them to. It's a comfortable place to be, and you can go on with your life not thinking about them because you know (even if you don't think about it) that if things in your life go badly, they'll come running to pick up the pieces. It is an awareness thing. He won't think about what he's losing until he's lost it. It seems to be how us crazy humans work. We don't appreciate what we have until its gone. Just think...8 months ago, he felt the same way about you and about how your feelings would never change...
  17. Try to remember that, at one point, you were not in love with him. You should know better than anyone how quickly and dramatically things can change. Try not to focus too much on how he is or is not feeling, because the truth is, you really don't know. You came around when you thought you never would again. I would say that is proof that anything is possible.
  18. I think so. I mean, you still have to remember that it is largely due to your choice that you are not together, and he'd likely use that against you if you got too upset about things. However, he did date you and someone else at the same time without telling either one of you, which was dishonest and selfish. You have good reason to be hurt by that, and that is definitely reason to question whether getting back together is the best thing to do. But yes, you are dealing with the same sort of rejection that most dumpees are dealing with, so I think the same rules generally apply.
  19. I think you should go out! Just remember to be upfront and honest with the guys you meet about where you are with everything. The ones worth keeping around will understand. I don't know if this will help, but try to remember what it felt like to break up with him, and how you felt for the first 4-5 months afterward. You were ok not going back because you knew he wasn't going anywhere. It made it a lot easier to NOT think about him, and you wanted him to move on. If he had stuck around all this time, and was still doing the same now, do you think you would have come to this realization? It may take the same for him, since he essentially had to fall out of love with you, the same way you fell out of love with him. So, NC really is your best bet here. Just try to remember being on the other side, and the things he did that actually got you thinking, versus those that made it easy to move on. As far as NC and running into him, just be polite, and keep things short. Don't share much about what's going on in your life, and don't talk about the relationship at all. Just be cool and casual, and whatever you're feeling, do the best to hide it until you get away from him. I would avoid the places you know he might be, as long as you're not going out of your way to do so. Don't go out of your way to see him or not see him. Just focus on you, and do what you need to do to be happy.
  20. Sounds like you're already getting to a stronger place. Just hang in there. Definitely find things to occupy your time, and go out with people and live your life! No reason to put your life on hold for someone who may or may not ever come back. I know it hurts, but I promise, it gets easier. Btw...after the advice you gave me, I've decided I'm going to stop waiting and really move on. I've started officially dating someone new (the girl my ex encouraged me to "give a chance" actually) and I'm doing it because I like this girl, and because I'm really letting go of hope. I'm also letting go of my fear that by dating someone else I will be putting the "final nail in the coffin" and close the door completely to getting back with my ex. I guess, as you said, if she really, truly loved me, she'll realize it one day... I hope your day gets better!
  21. Brazilgirl, Hang in there. I know that things seem hopeless and difficult right now. Something to remember about both your ex and many responders to your post: Anger is a natural part of the grieving process, and is often the most effective way of getting over someone. Once you can tell yourself that your ex did something mean and horrible to you, and convince yourself that you are better off without them, it becomes much easier to heal. Your ex likely went through this process, and many of the responders who appear to not be on your side are likely afriad you are going to hurt your ex again. I am going to disagree with some of the posters here and say that you breaking up with your boyfriend was not a mistake, nor was it something that you "did to him." I think you did the right thing by breaking up with him when you did. You didn't have romantic feelings for him anymore. The attraction just wasn't there. There is nothing you can do or say to make it come back...you have no control over whether you're attracted to someone. Oh, people will say that it was just that you didn't appreciate what you had, or that you could have worked at it, but attraction is KEY to relationships actually working out. You don't need to feel guilty for your feelings changing. You don't need to feel guilty for letting him go. Your ex was not the "victim" there. It is just the way relationships go sometimes. Also, you should not feel guilty for wanting him back. Again, you can't control how you feel, and you can't rationalize your feelings away. How you feel is how you feel. I am in the same position as your ex, and it is actually very surpising how similar your story is to mine (except she hasn't come back). We dated for almost 3 years, I'm 23 and she's 22, and we had just been fighting a lot near the end, and she was busy and just wanted to be stress free, have fun with her friends, etc. I'm only 4 months into it though, so I imagine she is still in the relieved stage. It's funny, it was actually last week that she was encouraging me to give some girl a chance, and that she didn't want to get in the way, much like you did with your ex. Makes me wonder a bit how things might turn out in a few more months... Just always remember to focus on the things you can control, and let go of the things you can't!
  22. Yeah, probably will do nothing but hurt your situation to tell her that. You're just asking her to prove you wrong. People don't like to be called out or told what they are doing. Just focus on yourself, and go NC.
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