exback Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I really need some success storys!!! So after 4 YEARS my fiance broke up with me 4 months ago and the first 6 weeks long I was trying to contact him: 16 emails, 10 text messages, 10 calls altogether....mainly trying to convince him to come back or telling him I am sorry....NO presents or something like that... After that 6 weeks I went NC... So I did act wrong after the break up. Best would have been to accept and not to contact him again... Do you think that after a considerable amount of time he will "forget" my "neediness" and remember the last years instead, maybe even start missing me.. Are there any success storys out there in which the dumpee begged or pleaded and so on!????? Thanks!!!! Link to comment
SapphireNoir10 Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 You panicked after he broke up with you, thats natural, I think everyone goes through the 'beg back' stage then calms down and goes no contact, no one can say how he feels or what he will do, but I can tell you NC is the best way to give him time to realise, if he realises, what he truly wants. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 If you beg and plead now, I doubt he'll forget your neediness. My boyfriend came back about 4 months after breaking up with me. I went strict no contact directly after the breakup. We only talked when he called me a few times over the summer. I focused on my own healing and grew a lot that summer. Link to comment
exback Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 I am afraid I missed the beat by contacting him over and over again. I am afraid he lost all respect. But despite that I hope he remembers who I was the last 4 years and not only the reaction after the break up... I hope my reaction just prolongs the time for him to start missing...and does not STOP it!!! Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 If he doesn't decide to come back, then you KNOW that he wasn't the one for you. Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 If you beg and plead now, I doubt he'll forget your neediness. My boyfriend came back about 4 months after breaking up with me. I went strict no contact directly after the breakup. We only talked when he called me a few times over the summer. I focused on my own healing and grew a lot that summer. I don't agree with this. There are few "endgame" scenarios. People have done and said much worse and still gotten back together with their ex down the road. Just try to let go on focus on you. =) Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I don't agree with this. There are few "endgame" scenarios. People have done and said much worse and still gotten back together with their ex down the road. Just try to let go on focus on you. =) Wow, really? Like what? Give us some examples, I'm sure I'll laugh at them or something! Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Focus on you. I know it's rough, but if he truly does want to be with you in the future, he will go beyond his way to let you know how much he would want that. My sister and her husband broke up repeatedly before settling down... and she learned that ignoring him while he was taking his fits was the best solution. He finally got some counseling, realized his problems and worked on it. They have been married for 5 years now. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I don't agree with this. There are few "endgame" scenarios. People have done and said much worse and still gotten back together with their ex down the road. Just try to let go on focus on you. =) What don't you agree with? Link to comment
LazyDaisy Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I'm going to say that it also depends on why you broke up in the first place. Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 Wow, really? Like what? Give us some examples, I'm sure I'll laugh at them or something! This forum is full of stories where one or both sides said and did horrible things, yet were able to reconcile down the road. Begging and pleading is on the mild end of the spectrum. The point I was trying to make is that you can't make absolute statements like that. How can anyone know what someone will or won't forget, especially someone you don't know? Making a poster think they've messed everything up is just as bad as giving them false hope. I think it is more important to remind people that they are human, that nothing is absolute, and that the best thing to do is to let go and move on with their lives. Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 This forum is full of stories where one or both sides said and did horrible things, yet were able to reconcile down the road. Begging and pleading is on the mild end of the spectrum. The point I was trying to make is that you can't make absolute statements like that. How can anyone know what someone will or won't forget, especially someone you don't know? Making a poster think they've messed everything up is just as bad as giving them false hope. I think it is more important to remind people that they are human, that nothing is absolute, and that the best thing to do is to let go and move on with their lives. I didn't say that he wouldn't forgot that she was giving off needy behaviour. I was saying that if she continues the behaviour, he won't forget. That's what I was getting at. Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I didn't say that he wouldn't forgot that she was giving off needy behaviour. I was saying that if she continues the behaviour, he won't forget. That's what I was getting at. Gotcha. My mistake. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 This forum is full of stories where one or both sides said and did horrible things, yet were able to reconcile down the road. Begging and pleading is on the mild end of the spectrum. The point I was trying to make is that you can't make absolute statements like that. How can anyone know what someone will or won't forget, especially someone you don't know? Making a poster think they've messed everything up is just as bad as giving them false hope. I think it is more important to remind people that they are human, that nothing is absolute, and that the best thing to do is to let go and move on with their lives. Yeah, I know what you mean. My ex and I broke up on bad terms, and it does still seem like we're still on bad terms. But if he ever dares to regret everything he has done or said to me and come to my door with roses, I'll be all, "Thanks for the roses, now get your sorry butt out of my house!" Link to comment
exback Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 True. I can't change what I did and I can't change what he might think of me... At that point after the break up: I thought contacting was the best way to get him back.. It was my first break up...I won't act like that again!!! NC is the best thing to do... Link to comment
Cognitive_Canine Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 True. I can't change what I did and I can't change what he might think of me... At that point after the break up: I thought contacting was the best way to get him back.. It was my first break up...I won't act like that again!!! NC is the best thing to do... Aww, first break ups are the worst. The important thing is that you learned a very important lesson in the process. Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 True. I can't change what I did and I can't change what he might think of me... At that point after the break up: I thought contacting was the best way to get him back.. It was my first break up...I won't act like that again!!! NC is the best thing to do... Honey, this is my first break up too, so I'm with you on this one. I begged and pleaded too, I begged for us to work things out, cried, texted his phone a billion times in a five minute span, all the embarrassing stuff. They made him grew resentful of me. So I went to NC, and he gotten back with an ex girlfriend. While they were together, not a peep was made from any of us, and we avoided each other at school. Then, she broke up with him. That's when he decides to mentally screw with my head and follow me in school. So we decide the friends thing, and he got nasty with me, so I decide to cut the cord again and go NC again. 3 weeks and counting now. NC is great beacuse it allows you to heal and move on and grow up. You learn from this and take it with you to the next relationship to make it better than the old one. It makes you enhance your strenghts and fix your weaknesses. Link to comment
exback Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 I am just sooooooo afraid what he tells his friends and what he might think...whether he is loathing me or even worse hates me... It just hurts that a person you love might feel that way about you after so many years.... Link to comment
justletgo07 Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I am just sooooooo afraid what he tells his friends and what he might think...whether he is loathing me or even worse hates me... It just hurts that a person you love might feel that way about you after so many years.... Don't worry about what he is thinking, feeling, doing, etc. You have no way to know, and you'll drive yourself nuts running through every possible scenario. Just try to stay busy. It does get easier, I promise. My ex and I broke up 9 months ago, and I'm SO much better now than I was. Just take it day by day and surround yourself with people who care about you. Link to comment
exback Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 you are right craz83!!! Last year he told me: "What would you do if I dump you...You couldn't live without me!!!" He told me that...soo...I think he expected nothing less from me than begging and pleading... Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I am just sooooooo afraid what he tells his friends and what he might think...whether he is loathing me or even worse hates me... It just hurts that a person you love might feel that way about you after so many years.... It is also better to avoid that rather than picking at each other constantly after. He may think that you are crazy now, but if you keep bugging him... imagine what he will think later. But really, focus on you Link to comment
exback Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 Thank you, all of you...and yes I am driving myself nuts what he might think or feel and whether or not he might come back or not and so on... I shouldn't be thinking about that... Link to comment
doiiiieeezie Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 I do that as well... and the thing is that we didn't know what they were feeling before breaking up...a loss of an individual in your life will make you question it all. Link to comment
exback Posted June 24, 2009 Author Share Posted June 24, 2009 @doiiiieeezie: I never bad-mouthed him...but he does...my friends told me he tells everyone that I tried to win him back by all means... Link to comment
vertigoxo Posted June 24, 2009 Share Posted June 24, 2009 My ex told everyone crap about me too, and I decided, why not? So I talked crap on him in the worst ways, and no doubt he's probably heard them all. But now, it's better you just write angry stuff about them and burn them or keep them and reread them to either laugh at it or think how outrageous you were at the time. Link to comment
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