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Dating a friend of an ex...


Bad Wolf

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I've heard that the general rule (at least for girls) is that you do not date one of your friends ex's.

 

Girls get really upset about that kind of thing. It has something to do with loyalty.

 

but she's really hot... I don't see why she'd care it's not like she about our relationship much.

 

Well it would cause jealousy with your ex hey., who was the dumper and who was the dumpee?

 

She dumped me.

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Well then I see no problem dude.

She called it off and rejected you so she should feel no jealousy. . . .

 

That's what I think too. There is one small problem though... I'm her bothers best friend and I'm really close with her parents so if she's not ok with it, it might not go down so well with her family...

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Be careful your ex isn't trying to still rule your life!

 

I really don't care if she gets pissed off at me I just don't want to piss off her family... I also don't want to ruin my and this girls friendship. If they're still friends that is.

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I really don't care if she gets pissed off at me I just don't want to piss off her family... I also don't want to ruin my and this girls friendship. If they're still friends that is.

 

This type of relationship do have a low survivability rate, when friends and ex's and families start to come in between a knew relationship and you have to take them into consideration it rarely works out in the end.

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I mean how can it be disrespectful?

She disrespected you by dumping you even though the resaons were less than legitimate. . . .

 

I still don't know all the reasons why she broke up with me...

 

This type of relationship do have a low survivability rate, when friends and ex's and families start to come in between a knew relationship and you have to take them into consideration it rarely works out in the end.

 

Yeah I know but why would she give a hoot when she's the one that left me? She's with someone else atm so I really don't see why she'd care.

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Thats the worst when they don't give you a specific reason why they dumperd you.

I mean how are you going to fix your faults so it doesn't happen in the next one, if you don't know what they are?

 

She's a real coward, the first time she broke up with me she sent me a msg on msn which I didn't get for awhile so it came as a bit of a shock when my friend told me she broke up with me... When I asked her why she did it over msn she said "cause I didn't have any credit to text you' LOL!

 

Then she broke up with me again (for good) 7-8 months ago on msn AGAIN! Shows how much she respected me...

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She's a real coward, the first time she broke up with me she sent me a msg on msn which I didn't get for awhile so it came as a bit of a shock when my friend told me she broke up with me... When I asked her why she did it over msn she said "cause I didn't have any credit to text you' LOL!

 

Then she broke up with me again (for good) 7-8 months ago on msn AGAIN! Shows how much she respected me...

 

I can see how that can be a shock.

Man that is really immature and really sucks big time.

Whats in the water over there dude! LMAO!!

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ahaha wish I knew.. it's making them crazy and easy

 

Yer I know what you mean. . .

Not a town where the chicks want a relationship.

More like. . .have you there on call if they feel they "need" you to satisfy thier "needs" and if they find your'e the one they will yell at you at push you away maing you crazy and leaving you wonder ing what you did?!

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depends how close of friends they were of if they even were still friends, then i'd consider. but i've never done it and probably never will. saves on the drama factor.

 

Yeah but if you'd seen her then you'd prolly think the drama's worth it

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Speaking from recent experience ... you can go for it, but tread cautiously. Here's my story (copied w/some modifications from a post in another thread ... sorry, lazy!):

 

My ex (29) and I (38 ) broke up last summer because we're at different stages in our lives. We both knew it was coming but he's the one who ended it. We were very close and cared about/loved each other a lot, but it just wasn't going to work -- he might not be ready to settle down for another decade and I can't wait that long. So we split and it was hard at first, but we both knew it was necessary. He jumped right into a new relationship that still seems to be going strong with a nice girl (considerably younger than he is so he's not replicating the problem we'd had).

 

I'm still single. At the beginning of this year I briefly dated a mutual friend of ours, who, it turns out, had been carrying the torch for me for a while. Things didn't work out between us and I got two big surprises: a) the mutual friend took the break-up very very hard (that time I was the dumper), and b) my ex became very resentful of our mutual friend, and now avoids him, although they used to be pretty tight.

 

Now there are some differences between our situations:

1. Your ex sounds like a piece of work, whereas mine is generally a nice guy; we're still friendly and I value his continued presence in my life as a friend.

2. Our mutual friend sought and obtained my ex's "permission" to ask me out before doing so (but the ex has since told me that when he was asked he recognized that he had no rights where I was concerned so he begrudgingly said it was all right, but privately he felt that his friend had no business dating me.)

3. Different ages & stages of life, different ways of socializing with friends.

4. You're male, I'm female and our exes are correspondingly different sexes too. I do wonder if that makes a difference.

 

Re #4, as a woman I would never get involved with one of my friend's exes, especially a recent ex -- even if my friend had been the one to end the relationship -- unless my friend was actively promoting the match. Then I'd be certain that she wasn't viewing it as a betrayal on my part.

 

Honestly I was a bit taken aback when the mutual friend asked me out last December, because although we always got along very well and I always thought he was attractive, I figured that, as his good buddy's ex, I was verboten. My informal survey of male friends indicated that wasn't a general rule. But it has indeed had a detrimental effect on their friendship -- and from what I can tell the source of the tension is at least in part my ex.

 

But I do think it is a general rule with women. At least it is among me and my friends! But the beauty is, if your ex gets pissed off about it, the person she'll be pissed off at is her friend, not you. You owe her nothing! I hear what you're saying about not wanting to disturb ties you have with your ex's family -- but chances are they'll not hold it against you, even if your ex is upset. They know she ended it. They know and like you, and want you to be happy ... so if you've become attached to a nice girl, good for you since their crazy sister/daughter left you.

 

In my view the person who should be worried about your ex's reaction is her friend. If she's fine with it, I don't see why you should be worried. But if the new relationship ends badly, you'll be giving the two ladies something to bond over, which could make things awkward for you, given your social ties. So exercise prudence!

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